Modern Dating Is All About Performance

They used to fight wars for love, now it’s just ‘wyd?’

It is safe to say that modern dating is a paradoxical blend of desperation and detachment.

We crave intimacy, connection, and romance, but only if it doesn’t interfere with our five-year plans, 9 PM meetings, and morning routines.

Everyone wants to have everything all at once.

We want love but only if it doesn’t disrupt our peace, our plans, or our self-image.

We want soulmates, but we also want someone to adjust to our hyper-independence, making them feel like an extra in our stories.

Relationships have started feeling like a job application; if the person doesn’t fulfill every criterion, they’re out.

Even jobs come with training periods. But in dating? One awkward text, and you’re done. Vulnerability isn’t a step, it’s a liability.

Most people aren’t in love; they’re in love with the idea of being in love. They don’t chase the feeling; they chase the proof of it — the photos, the captions, the audience.

Soft launches on Instagram or changing your relationship status on Facebook, we forget that literally no one cares for more than a minute about who you’re spending Valentine’s Day with.

I went on Hinge and didn’t last for more than a week because so many options were overwhelming; how am I supposed to choose my potential partner from this ocean?

Dating apps promise authenticity and real connections, but reward performances and curated scripts.

I felt like a producer, taking auditions for the next big role, but forgetting that my life is not a film to be romanticized; love is not a commodity for me to pick and choose.

Carrie Bradshaw, in Sex and the City, wrote about unhinged voicemails, messy breakups, lovers who can’t commit, and her shoes that cost more than her rent. But we, on the other hand, overthink before sending a simple ‘hi.’

We don’t go to bars wearing confidence and chaos; we swipe right from our beds wearing lip gloss and existential dread.

And honestly, I don’t think we are incapable of love; we are just too scared to admit that we want it.

Caring too much is embarrassing, and god forbid — you appear cringeworthy in a world where our whole playlist is secretly all about love.

Carrie was dramatic, delusional, and deeply problematic at times, but one thing I will always admire is her ability to let love and heartbreak consume her — because isn’t that the point of it all?

We match with so many people, borrowing parts of their already copy-pasted personalities, until we forget who we truly are and what we really want.

Meet-cutes and coincidences might be last season, and I hate it.

Double texting is clingy, admitting you like someone is giving them too much power, and asking deep questions is intense.

Exiting from any part of a relationship is the easiest thing now.

Unmatch. Ghost. Block. Disappear.

Hiding behind that screen gives us relief. Finding an escape room behind a wall gives us comfort.

I don’t have all the answers, but I’m pretty sure love isn’t supposed to be this disposable.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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