The demands of work and maintaining a household are taking an emotional toll on women during the pandemic, according to an article in Time. Why is there such inequality in the household? Simple — the status quo is that only women do housework.
While raising my three sons, I would always tell them that their future wives would worship the ground I walk on. Why? Because I trained my sons in how to do housework — the mindset that only women do housework is sexist bullshit.
I was raised with three brothers who bullied me into doing their house chores. I’d like to think that my mom trained my older brothers in how to do house chores — but then maybe she didn’t, since she was a stay-at-home mom when they were younger.
When my mom started working outside the home, she would call home to give my brothers’ instructions for the chores she expected done by the time she got home. And, they had better have those chores done — because mom didn’t play [you would have hell to pay if chores were not done when she got home]. Little did she know that her sons didn’t do the chores at all — I did!
Before my mom said bye and hung up the phone, my brothers were already conspiring to get me to do the work. Of course, being the only girl with older brothers, I was afraid to say no. But the threat of their tattle-telling to mom about one of my secrets didn’t help the matter either. So, I often gave in to their demands.
My mom would come home from work to a sparkling clean house, and my brothers got all the credit. I swore to myself that if I ever had sons, I would raise them to take care of themselves without depending on a woman to do those things they should be capable of doing like cooking, cleaning, and washing clothes. One day my sons would become future husbands, and it was my responsibility to train them properly.
Like my mom, I was a working mother too. I raised my sons a little differently than my mom had raised my brothers. At age nine, each of my sons started domestic boot camp — training in how to make a bed, wash, dry, and iron clothes, prepare school lunches, and cook breakfast.
The boot camp didn’t always go as well as planned. After showing my oldest son how to iron his shirt, he decided that he wanted to use the side of his face to test whether the iron was hot enough. This mishap left him with a mark on his face — a constant reminder of one of the dumbest things he’s ever done. My oldest boy also didn’t grasp too quickly that he shouldn’t put bleach in color clothes unless he wanted faded jeans — which he had to wear many times. Nor did he grasp that white and color clothes don’t wash well together — resulting in a supply of pink-colored t-shirts.
Once my second son was of school age, my oldest son got the clothes ready for the next day and prepared the school lunches for him and his brother. This same process trickled down to my youngest son.
Sure, there were moments of resistance, but I explained that just like parents have the responsibility of working and taking care of the family, they too have responsibilities as members of the household. Once I explained that everyone in the family had a responsibility, they were fine.
Teaching them to cook was easy and fun. I started with breakfast foods because they were simple to make. So scrambled eggs, waffles, pancakes, and turkey sausages were the favorites. My sons seemed to enjoy cooking their own breakfasts. All three are now great cooks.
Training my sons to do housework not only prepared them for independence but also reduced my stress level as a working mom. I could let go of the superwoman mindset — that feeling of having to do it all.
Now that my sons are young men, I feel confident about having trained them in doing house chores. They will make great husbands one day, ready to step up and do their fair share of housework. When that time comes, I’ll gladly accept the honors that their future wives will bestow upon me!
—
Previously published on medium
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member today.
Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: by Filip Mroz on Unsplash
