Moving on After a Breakup

When breakups occur in our lives and we have lost a good relationship, we grieve. Most painful breakups are often due to irreconcilable differences between the couples. Like all other things in life, we must learn to pick ourselves up and move on with life.

However, how long it takes to get over a breakup will depend on how close you were with your ex. Another factor to consider is how seriously you were taking the relationship. Then you might also want to have a cursory look at your general relationship history.

When dealing with a painful breakup, even the most motivated individuals can find it difficult determining how best to get on with their lives. To move on with our life after a painful breakup, the following suggestions would go a long way to help heal faster. They will help you prepare for a more successful and fulfilling future relationship.

Come to terms with your feelings

First thing you should do after a breakup is come to terms with your feelings. You cannot suppress them and think they will go away just like that. You must work through them. Accept the pain that a breakup brings along with it and make peace with it.

There is the need for you to take the breakup in good-faith that it has happened. Make peace with your inner self and deal with your emotions. This will help fast track the healing process faster than you could imagine.

Most times it is best to agree with your ex that there were problems with the relationship. Tell them you accept their position and wish them the best in their future relationships. An amicable approach such as this leaves room for any possible reunion. This is however on the grounds that the relationship was not an abusive one.

Forgive Your Ex

Forgive your partner for whatever role they might have played in the breakup. It’s impossible to get over a breakup without forgiveness. Of course, this is easier said than done. Behaviors such as being cheated on or lied to by your partner can often times be difficult to forgive.

The truth about forgiveness is that it is more about yourself than the offending party. Forgiveness is actually for you. For instance, holding on to anger doesn’t hurt your ex, it only hurts you. Being unforgiving is analogous to drinking poison and expecting it to harm someone else.

So, it is important for you to let the hurt feelings of the breakup go. Otherwise, the anger and resentment will fester inside of you. This might lead to more emotional and even health problems.

Avoid the blame game

As a rule, do not dwell on what might have been in the relationship. Once the breakup has happened it does not matter whose fault it was. Therefore, we should avoid apportioning blames either on ourselves or our former partner. Things often happen in life that we have no control over. All we can do is what is within our power and to leave the rest to God.

Always remember that everything that happened is not your fault as it “takes two to tango”. Accept the fact that time itself is a great leveler. At times, the breakup itself might have done you some good that you are failing to appreciate right now. It is time that reveals the true personality of our significant other.

Get rid of all reminders

One practical thing to do when moving on after a breakup is to get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex. At this stage you do not need anything that will trigger memories you would rather forget.

You might need to burn a letter that your ex sent you. It might also involve you giving away or giving back any of their possession you still have.

But, you do not need to destroy them. You can get them out of sight so that you do not have to see them on a daily basis. You might also need to delete their telephone number and get rid of their pictures from your house.

Learn from your past relationships

Most people fail to retrospectively go over the possible reasons for the breakup. Some individuals sometimes first go about trying to savage it. The greatest part of a breakup should be the lessons you learn.

Everything that happens to you in life has a lesson to teach. And a breakup also has lessons it wants to teach us that we might fail to learn if we do not open up our minds.

What were the things you did well in the relationship? Is there anything you could have done differently? What have you learned from the breakup? These are salient points you need to think over. This way you can effectively bring the positive points into your new relationship.

Being able to thoughtfully look at both the negative and positive traits of your ex in a new light can be empowering. It has the power of putting things in a new perspective in your quest to move forward.

Avoiding the mistakes of the breakup can only be achieved through thoughtful retrospection. A breakup might in fact present you with an opportunity to improve yourself as a person. This can go a long way in helping you better adjust for a more successful relationship.

Involve in Hobbies

There is a high tendency to get easily overwhelmed with your thoughts and emotions at this point. A great way to avoid this is to put yourself back out into the world and interact with other people. Thus, it is a good idea to get involved in hobbies that you really enjoy.

This is a very good way to keep yourself from dwelling in sadness and forming negative patterns. Free up yourself and get involved in whatever it is that you really enjoy doing.

You might decide to go on a solo trip somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. Or you might prefer going with friends or group travel company if you don’t want to travel solo.

It might be doing a puzzle, gardening, sports, or even reading. Allow yourself to create time and space for them. Remember to include both individual hobbies and also social ones.

Recognize when you are ready to love again

Finally, you need to recognize when you need to get over the breakup and start moving on. When frustration starts setting in after the breakup, you should know that this is a signal to move on.

With time, you will come to realize that your heart will be open and willing to love again. This will happen the sooner you deal with your feelings and emotions about the breakup. The faster you let go of all the frustration and bitterness, the quicker, you will achieve this state.

Start thinking more about how to improve yourself. You should never stop looking after your mental and physical health. Embark on keeping yourself in shape and learn to love yourself more. These would be extremely helpful in your future relationships.

The good news in all this is that you will not feel like this forever. This too will pass! How long it will take to get over the breakup depends a lot on your willingness to follow these guidelines.

—

This post was previously published on Loving-Relationship.com. and is republished on Medium.