I applied for a part-time position to tutor students in grades K-3 and help them with their reading skills. Not as simple as it sounds when you are recovering from a brain injury.
I thought it would be a good way to give back to the local community while earning a little extra money. Since reading/writing have always been my strongest skill set, I thought it would be an easy fit.
Boy, was I wrong.
I was required to take an online assessment for math and English to determine if I would qualify. It was a timed series of multiple choice questions …. keep in mind this is for grades K-3……
I did fine with the basic math questions, but once I had to figure out the next number in a series of numbers, I froze. And then there was a series of questions like “round is to circle as box is to square” and then the words I had never even seen before ….. the Q’s were SO freaking hard.
By some grace of fate, I ‘passed’ the test by their standards. I felt like a complete fraud. I guessed at a majority of the questions, but because I am a skilled multiple choice guesser, I was able to barely squeak by.
Two and a half years ago, I would have aced this test with flying colors. I likely would have gotten 100% without a single guessed answer. But of course, that was before my brain injury.
Because I am high-functioning…. I sometimes forget that I am still dealing with a variety of deficits. When you are put face-to-face with those deficits, it can be incredibly frustrating and overwhelming. This test brought to the forefront all those feelings I had been harboring and pushing deep into the abyss.
I am grateful for this test.
It has reminded me that I while I am getting better every day, I am still not completely recovered. It was a reminder to give myself grace. It also gave me a mile marker to remind me of how far I have come, even if it isn’t 100%. It forced me to face my emotions once again and to confront them and learn from them.
If my experience can help another survivor get through a rough patch, it was completely worth the frustration, humiliation, and aggravation. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns in my life, but I am extremely thankful to still have a life worth living!
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Amy Zellmer is an award-winning author, speaker, and advocate of traumatic brain injury (TBI). She is a frequent contributor to the Thrive Global and the Goodmen Project, and has created a private Facebook group for survivors and also produces a podcast series. She sits on the Brain Injury Advisory Council (BIAC) through the Brain Injury Association of America’s and is involved with the Minnesota Brain Injury Alliance. She travels the country with her Yorkie, Pixxie, to help raise awareness about this silent and invisible injury that affects over 2.5 million Americans each year. In November, 2015 she released her first book, “Life With a Traumatic Brain Injury: Finding the Road Back to Normal” which received a silver award at the Midwest Book Awards in May, 2016. Her second book,“Surviving Brain Injury: Stories of Strength and Inspiration” is a collection of stories written by brain injury survivors and caregivers and was released November 2016. for more information: www.facesoftbi.com
