My Best Response to People Who Get Easily Offended

I don’t want to offend you, but…

He gazed at me longingly across the table, and I could see he was fumbling with a thought he couldn’t quite formulate. It was our first date and conversation had flowed easily until this moment. Curiosity kicked in, and I gave him an inquisitive look.

He deflected by commenting on the creme brûlée we were sharing, and then he put his spoon down and said what he was really thinking.

“I don’t want to offend you, but you just look so beautiful tonight. I’m sorry if that upsets you.”

I love compliments. A friend once said you can compliment a man once, and it will last him a lifetime. But women want to be complimented every day. Multiple times.

That is so true. I never tire of it. It’s wonderful to hear that my efforts are recognized and appreciated. So bring it on.

Later, that man said he regretted the last time he gave a compliment. He told a woman she had a beautiful smile while waiting in line at the DMV. She lashed out at him, saying that his comment was unwelcome and not to say another word to her.

That’s not a normal reaction. That person needs professional help.

This is why I believe I have the perfect response to someone like this.

I would have put my hand up between us and said, “Take it up with your therapist”. Because that is exactly what that person needs. They need help learning how to function in a normal society where well-intentioned compliments are a natural way of life.

Compliments are a fun and easy way to keep society civil and, in an odd way, connect us in a light-hearted web of kindness and warmth.

Stop letting mentally and emotionally unstable people control what normal, healthy people do in everyday life.

Note: Some people have endured trauma where compliments were used to abuse or assault them. That is valid. However, as part of the healing process, one must take responsibility for learning how to handle harmless interactions.

One must learn to respond in a manner that doesn’t impose their trauma onto others. Others cannot be expected to psychically intuit specific needs.

…

Setting the boundaries

Here’s why I like the response above.

It conveys that you will not accept their trauma, and you won’t allow their problem to become yours.

Some people will throw up on anything and anyone until someone says, “You need to do that in a bathroom and take care of yourself.”

One’s inner vomit is not appropriate in a public setting. It’s not okay to vomit on someone and then walk away, leaving them to figure out how to get this awful mess off of them.

Because that’s what these situations do. They stick with the person, creating a small trauma that changes their behavior moving forward.

Nobody wants that to happen to them twice. So, we need to set some boundaries.

We cannot allow people to mistreat us when it is not warranted.

Offering a kind-hearted compliment is not a mistreatment of others, whereas an unwarranted, overly aggressive response is.

Humans are social creatures.

Light-hearted, friendly banter is a beautiful, fun, and essential way of peacefully coexisting in an otherwise chaotic world.

Don’t let a few unstable people dim the beautiful light within you.

Shine on. And keep those kind words coming. We all need them. ❤

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***

From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

***

Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.

All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.

A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.