My Experience Dating After a Long-Term Relationship

Terrified. Anxious. Exhilarated. Hopeful.

These are just a few of the many words I could use to explain my current situation.

5 years, 5 long years filled with all the best and all of the worst memories. See I think it’s hard to say if a relationship was good or bad. It may start good, yet end up bad or vice versa. It’s a journey, with mountains to climb and roundabouts to spin on. There’s no one definitive state otherwise we would all be bored senseless.

For me it ended badly. A plot line of a movie some would say. A family torn apart by one’s thoughtless actions when the alcohol started to taste like juice and the room began to blur. A mistake.

A mistake to me is texting the wrong person, filling the washing machine and forgetting the red sock in a mountain of whites. No, what he done was a choice.

Now that alone is enough to tear you down, shovel on a post pregnancy body with little time to alter it and all of a sudden your self esteem has receded to a point lower than believed to be possible.

Watching your ex live their life to the fullest whilst your prime time ebb away can be tough. More than tough. It can be devastating.

They are tipping back shots whilst you are tipping back the baby’s bottle. Juggling different girls whilst you are juggling the hoover, mop and a hairbrush.

It’s an unfair imbalance. But it’s what I am faced with. Until enough is enough.

Enough feeling lonely and left behind. Enough doubting myself and my confidence. Enough wondering when I can move forward.

I picked up my phone and took the first leap. I downloaded a dating app.

I used to subconsciously judge others on dating apps, thinking it appeared desperate. I was so wrong. It connects you to people you may never cross paths with normally. This is where I gained my confidence back.

As I chatted with new people all hoping for that one person who sweeps them off their feet I was reminded.

I am not damaged goods.

I am desirable.

I am more than an ex.

I am more than a mum alone.

A simple conversation was enough to provide me with the confidence I needed to feel like myself again.

The negative feelings didn’t just vanish, they ebbed away and were replaced by anxiety, excitement and hope.

Life is based on our experiences and connections with others. By exposing myself to the dating world again I finally felt those connections once more.

I felt appreciated more from a random stranger than my partner of years.

It was never about finding someone to settle and spend my life with. Joining the dating app was about finding myself again. It was about remembering I am desirable. I am powerful. I am filled with worth.

My experience has taught me just how important it is to view yourself as an individual. Not as just a mum, a parter, an ex but as a human.

Your role does not define you.

So if you have left a relationship whether it be recently or a long time ago and you are scared to take that step. Do it.

Gain yourself back.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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