My father always carried a pocket handkerchief. In fact, he carried two.
His handkerchiefs were washed, starched, and ironed by the servants. In India, in those days, middle class families typically had someone to do this.
And it made perfect sense — the poor needed work and this provided them a way to support their families that the middle class could afford.
When Mom joined my father in the United States, there were no servants. At first she tried to do everything but it was too much for her. She no longer ironed bed sheets, but she still ironed his handkerchiefs and the pillowcases.
I loved sleeping on those she pillows on laundry day. As a child, I found it a sensual delight.
When I got married, I surprised my husband ironing his handkerchiefs for him. I was pleased to discover that, like my father and his father, he always carried two pocket handkerchiefs. He also shined his shoes on a regular basis, as his father had done and mine continued to do until he died.
My husband asked if I minded doing this for him.
“If it were a problem, I wouldn’t be doing it,” I told him. “Believe it or not, there is something I find very satisfying about clearing a stack of clean, fresh linen.”
They fold up very small and easily fit into small pockets.
I preferred him to take his shirts into the cleaners to have them pressed, because starching collars is a pain, but handkerchiefs?
I actually find a sensual delight in it.
First of all, both my father and my ex carried lovely hankies of either fine linen or soft cotton.
Second, they always carried two — one for themselves, but also an extra for the lady in their life, and they were always willing to share.
Finally, instead of throwing yet more stuff into landfills, I like knowing that we can reuse items. Over time, particularly with linen, the material becomes ever softer and yet sturdier. It is so very gentle to one’s nose or lips.
And they were useful — not just to wipe a nose or a lip but also to wipe down a seat on a bus or train, to lay down on a park bench or on the grass as an impromptu placemat on which to lay sandwiches, or to wrap up around pieces of fruit to take to a picnic.
They were also useful to dampen and cool off a hot child or to lay in the sun to provide a heated surface.
And, of course, there are lovely patterns and ways to customize one’s handkerchiefs so they are tiny works of art.
When Mom married Dad, she embroidered his initials in fine white thread on the corners of a set of 6 handkerchiefs for him. I never did anything so fancy for my ex, but I did, one Christmas, get him a set of slightly larger, well basted handkerchiefs that he absolutely loved.
This provides not only an appreciated and useful present, but something a little bit special that shows you are thinking of their comfort.
Of course, women of that era generally also carried a handkerchief. They might carry a little bit of lace as a nosegay, but practical women also carried a more practical handkerchief as well.
I am fighting stage IV cancer. If you can help with medical bills, I would really appreciate it. Or if you enjoy my writing and would like to buy me a cup of coffee, that’s great too. Maybe someday I can return the favor.
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This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Shefali O’Hara
