Justin Cascio elucidates the performative similarities between stand-up comedy and sex.
Being a successful comedian, as with other performing arts, is not one of those “glass ceiling” situations that can easily be remedied with policy or law. Like sexy or beautiful, funny is in the eye, ear, or other ready orifice of the beholder.
My favorite comedienne, Sarah Silverman, specializes in the rape joke. Whether you are the kind of person who laughs in between cringes and comes back for more, is a matter of taste. I like humor that points out my own hypocrisies and delusions. Sure, it takes me down a peg to laugh at my own expense, but I’m a better man for it. Not everyone wants to be made uncomfortable. For me, if a joke points out something about myself that I don’t approve of, I like that kind of stimulation and prefer it to the easy feel-good of more vulgar entertainment. I like to feel like I earned my enjoyment because I’m sensible, broad-minded, and can laugh at myself as well as at the foibles of others, and the comedians I like best encourage me to feel that way during their routines. Dig up my deeply held beliefs and laugh at how ridiculous they are. Go ahead: I’ll thank you for it. Not that every guffawing drunk at a comedy club will.
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Christopher Hitchens is not funny enough in his essay on why women aren’t funny to compete with “Jokes for the John.” As well as being both boringly heteronormative and sexist in his 2007 Esquire article, “Why Women Aren’t Funny,” he seems to hate men, too, calling warfare the work that men do which is most comparable to childbirth. So while women are smart and possess the miraculous powers of the uterus, they are not funny, while we men, because we have dicks, are stupid, and kill. It should be funny but it’s not, and Hitchens is apparently serious. Is he this boorish and tendentious because his audience of Esquire readers, presumably straight men, aren’t the ones he wants to seduce?
Sex and comedy are not dissimilar. They’re disreputable, performative, and bring the low into intimate contact with the elevated. Both have their share of death imagery: a successful comic “kills,” while an orgasm in French is the “little death.” Jesters could say anything to powerful figures and have their words taken seriously, a power still found on The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. The dismissal of women as unfunny is more than a personal slur: it’s a barrier to real power. In Hitchens’ world, nice girls don’t have any “corresponding need” to be funny; it’s enough that they are pretty and laugh at our jokes.
I’m a bisexual, transsexual man in my late 30s. When I was still living as a self-identified lesbian (with closeted bisexual tendencies) in my early 20s, and I would bring home a straight man, there were two things I wanted to do with him. One was that I wanted to get it on the old-fashioned way: missionary-style. Where I lived at that time, “real” lesbians never seduced men in bars, so that was transgressive enough to be kinky. The second thing was partially an oral performance.
Hitchens and Johnny Carson both explain their “women ain’t funny” position perfectly well; they will happily receive the pleasure of looking at a woman, or perform to make a woman “relax and change expression,” but are uncomfortable with the reverse. They will open up for other men, suspend disbelief in talking horses or blind, golfing firefighters—but not to women. Not this way. It’s hard for me to imagine that either Carson or Hitchens would ever let a woman penetrate him in any other way, either.
There’s something even a very straight man will let a woman do, if he is sufficiently distracted and finds this even a fraction as rewarding as I found it to do to them. The second thing that it was my particular thrill to do, while “changing a man’s expression” through my oral capacities, was to work in a little “sign language interpretation” of the secondary audio track of my desire. Morphologically speaking, the prostate is the male G-spot, and I aim to please in more ways than one. I wasn’t just there to cushion the blow; I wanted to do him as much as I wanted him to do me. This guy was going to be inside of my body, in one way or another; why shouldn’t I get to be inside him just a little bit, too? Sometimes he asked me to stop and I would, but most times, he clearly enjoyed it, even though he would never have consented to it if I’d asked him in advance.
I could write screens full of Silverman/Hitchens slash fiction, and not only would it be hot, it would be funny. They’d start with Hitchens seeing Silverman in a comedy club; she makes him laugh. Surprised, Hitchens waits until after the show to meet her, and a torrid sexual escapade ensues. She dominates him, and he loves it: takes it every way she gives it to him and begs for more. And it all starts because she makes him laugh. To make someone laugh is to seduce them and make them receptive. They become warm to you; the boundary between you is erased. When a speech starts with a joke, it’s called an “icebreaker.”
Silverman takes up space somewhere uncomfortable in the psyches of old-fashioned men like Carson and Hitchens. Comedians who shock are like the sun and the wind in the fable, both trying to make a man take off his coat, though our wind is surprise, not force. What makes some men uncomfortable with girls like Silverman is that she desires and then occupies, with terrifying deftness, the unguarded, base realms of your most private self.
All of us performers, public and private, need to take up that kind of space in order to affect one another because communication is more than just words. It’s the beats in between words, tone, expression, and body language, and while it might have started out being about what I look like, eventually, what I say and do is the most important part and what I want you to remember about me. I’m talking about the performativity of comedy, and the way comedians just want to tease you open, any way you’ll let them. Relax into my capable hands, and let go; it’s what we want from you. It’s the way your body can’t lie about our effects on you that we love, and gets us turned on.
When there’s just two of you, all that matters is one face, one body. But when you do it on a well-lit stage, it’s like making love to everyone at once. I’ve performed standup comedy in a New York club. This is a brag that I share about twice as often as I share my old sexual kink in conversation, which is to say, not that often. In both cases, I really wish I had a videotape of it. Since I was old enough to realize my power to do so, I have loved the thrill of leading a collection of skeptical individuals along where I want to go and making them glad I took them there. I want to show them a good time, make them laugh, then laugh so hard their sides hurt. I want them to touch themselves where they’re sore the next morning from maybe having partied just a little too hard, with a rueful wince and a fond smile, and be glad they did it: all of it. Because a lot of life sucks, is painful and hard, and doesn’t please you and doesn’t care about your pleasure. Comedians and lovers, at least the good ones, sometimes we sting a little, but mainly want you to love us and let us inside, if only for a little while.
—Photo POLITICO/AP
If you think about it, it seems kind of silly to say that something “is never funny,” because of how subjective humor is. If someone laughs at it, then it’s funny to her or him. I could say that I’ve never found rape jokes funny, or I could even say that I think it’s horrible that someone finds a rape joke funny. But ultimately if someone finds it funny then it’s funny. It’s the height of absurdity to tell someone that a particular subject is never funny. We would all have to be extremely careful about telling any jokes about… Read more »
This points to a huge cultural issue about different rules for different people. It’s more acceptable for someone from a group to make fun of that group. That’s pretty normal and common and widely accepted. Is it fair? I’m still not so sure. What if a person makes a joke about something but the audience isn’t sure the comic is a member of that group? Do we give the benefit of the doubt to the comic and laugh if we feel like it, or boo until the comic produces proof of membership? Imagine if Silverman made a rape joke without… Read more »
I don’t know that Silverman is a rape survivor, or has identified herself that way seriously. I have resisted googling the answer. When I heard the joke, I didn’t know and hadn’t wondered. I just laughed. Frankly, I think any woman, regardless of whether she’s actually been sexually assaulted, knows the fear of it. That’s the tension I laugh to break, with guffaws of relief, when Silverman makes that joke.
Her one-liner rape joke is a rape joke wrapped up in a joke about Jewish girls. It’s notable that this joke is labeled a rape joke more than a “Jewish girl” joke, when it’s really both. Is there any outrage at her anti-Semitism?
And, why isn’t the medical profession denouncing this terrible slur?
I was a little surprised to read here the idea that Johnny Carson didn’t think women could be funny. Didn’t he take Joan Rivers under his wing a little bit and even choose her to be his temporary stand-in as host of The Tonight Show? My impression is that women comedians (comediennes?) are often expected to focus on telling jokes about being a woman, that society expects them to talk about sex and gender and beauty and childbirth. Men are also expected to make jokes about being a man, but I get the impression that men have a little more… Read more »
It’s an old quote, but Carson described women in comedy as “trying” and managing only to be “aggressive.” Here’s the whole thing: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/16/female-comedians_n_1098016.html Where those comediennes might be failing is when they stick to the expected subjects. Did you feel alienated during Bill Cosby’s routine about natural childbirth? (“Himself” from 1982, IIRC) I watched it with my family on cable, when I was just a child, and roared laughing. A good comedian brings you into his or her world. I just love that quote from Silverman. I think she’s bold for pushing boundaries of what a white person may tell… Read more »
Lots of good stuff here. A few quick quibbles and questions: I think the Hitchens article was originally published in Vanity Fair. Not sure if that makes any observation about intended audience more or less valid. While you cite very smart specifics in the Hitchens article, I think a number of people stopped reading his article after the title and dek. And another swath of people read exclusively to prove their preconceived notion of what the essay was going to be about based on the title. My read was that while some women are funny, it’s less of an evolutionary… Read more »
Thanks, Tom. Although I can’t get the article to load in my browser now, you’re right, it was Vanity Fair, and not Esquire where I read Hitchens’ opinion piece. I read it online, so I didn’t see the photo shoot that went with it. Would you say the implication was specific to women, that being successful as an entertainer requires being attractive first, funny second, even as a comedian? Doesn’t sound like a great way to pick comedians, and it’s not how I pick who I’m going to listen to. I completely agree that comedy needs to be uncensored, for… Read more »
I believe we laugh at stuff like this because we know the truth in it. Plus, I’ve always believed that laughter is a way of removing power from something that has too much power. It’s just my belief that by making rape a taboo subject, something no one should ever joke about, you’re giving it a power it doesn’t deserve.
In simplest terms, most women do not go to the efforts that men do to learn and tell jokes. This is a cultural thing about how boys and girls learn to relate to their same-gender friends. This does not mean women are not funny, it just means in general, they do not chose to develop a skill that men tend to. I get it, a lot of the women in my social circles cannot tell jokes. But they still have good senses of humor. There are a lot of wonderful amazing comediennes, as well as comedians. Which just proves Chris… Read more »
I think you’re right, Jim, and it’s a cultural thing. Women who do tell jokes reject something old-fashioned and passive about femininity to perform a joke: to make us look at them and think of the brain behind the face, if only for a minute. I feel lucky that my girlfriend is not just beautiful, smart, and political, but does a good “Cartman” voice.
Rape is violence; not the feel good type of sex. You’re making it out to be simply comedy and sex, when it should be more truer to this: comedy and violent sex.
Maybe my taste in jokes are prudish. You and Sarah have refined tastes in rape jokes?
What I describe isn’t violent, and I would not proceed without consent. It makes you uncomfortable, but that doesn’t make it rape.
Read the NYT article about Silverman for that joke of hers: it’s about her own rape. Is that funnier?
No. Not even from a rape victim. Rape is never funny. Guys are just going think rape jokes are cool. There are so many rape jokes on Facebook by young men — it’s that cool and funny?
NO topic is off-limits for humor… not death, not rape, not religion, not child molestation. Everything can (and should) be satirized.
Agreed. I give bonus points for difficulty.
Yeah, good satire is extraordinarily difficult and takes thoughtfulness and intelligence. There is a huge difference between a “rape joke’ and a “joke that breaks down components of rape, and turns the table on the listener so that they have to think about things, even if they don’t want to.”
It’s hard to do and a lot of young comics dont’ know the difference. Or don’t care. But some do, and their work is solid.
“It’s hard to do and a lot of young comics don’t know the difference. Or don’t care.” It’s not only young comics who don’t know the difference, there’s a large population of impressionable young males who don’t either and for sure don’t give a f*** about the merits of well placed satire. If it comes across as a cool thing to do, they will do it, and do it BADLY. Vile Facebook rape jokes are evidence of this. There are hundreds of these pages online to “like”; thank Sarah Silverman for that. Teens are always on the lookout to make… Read more »
Michelle. Here are my thoughts on your comment. Artists do not create art to educate, placate, or soothe. They should not censor. They should observe and report what they see in the world around them, even if its ugly. This is their role. Sarah Silverman is an artist and as such, I believe she has every right to use her skills and talent to provoke, comment, and distill what she sees around her into art, even if that makes people uncomfortable.. If Sarah Silverman shouldn’t make jokes about rape, then following that logic, Tori Amos shouldn’t write songs about hers.… Read more »
Michelle? Are you inclined to have a conversation or it it more important to you to derail? If you don’t want to have a conversation that’s fine. I appreciate dialogue and I’ve engaged you kindly,. if all you want to do is say, “nuh uh!”, well that’s your right I suppose, but it’s not really making a case for your position.
Nice comment Julie. I have a rope joke… This rope walks into a bar, jumps up on the stool and asks the bartender for a scotch on the rocks. The bartender looks over and says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve ropes in this bar!” Dismayed, the rope walks out of the bar, notices a puddle of water in the nearby street, dips both its ends into the puddle, and twists itself a tad – walks back into the bar and asks the bartender for a scotch on the rocks….the bartender looks over once again, and asks: “ Are you a… Read more »
To the average person, comedy is entertainment; comedy means laughter and making fun of things. Comedy is wholly different from other forms of “art”. I am an artist myself and understand what you’re trying to say, but comedy and rape jokes do not mix – it’s UNFUNNY. Other forms of art, such as music, live performances, fine arts – yes they can be provoking; they can provoke emotions and discussions. But the thing with comedy, is that comedy is tightly associated with laughter and making fun of things. Comedy central is far from Shakespeare – you can’t put a satirical… Read more »
This is brilliant and thoughtful, and so is your paean to funny men: https://goodmenproject.com/arts/in-praise-of-funny-men/ You obviously know and admire comedy as craft.
I said it in another thread, and I’ll say again that Silverman is not to blame for other people’s bad jokes. It’s possible for people not to get her, and to only enjoy the cartoon level of what she’s doing in a lot of her standup and on her program. I’ve also heard there are people out there who think Stephen Colbert is really that conservative.
Thanks, Justin.
I totally agree. Censorship isn’t funny.
I’m not denying you the right to believe rape jokes are not funny, but all I’m saying is that by not laughing, by being fearful of ‘rape’ when it is being spoken of as an abstract concept and not about anyone specifically, you’re giving it a power it doesn’t deserve. Now if someone made a rape joke about you in particular, of course I wouldn’t find it funny because it’s a personal attack on you and you never gave anyone permission to make light of what happened to you. But laughter takes away that power and fear. Laughter says we… Read more »
Oh. My. God. I kind of am in love with you right now 100%.
Amen and pass the comedy biscuits.
Thank you, Julie G!