My Fear About Speaking English as an Immigrant

I remember as a kid listening to my dad’s tapes, being crazy about the New Kids on The Block, and as I was growing, dreaming about speaking English like it was my first language. Watching MTV and listening to POP songs was something that just brings me to a whole new dimension.

In the real world, I was struggling with my English classes where year after year we were studying grammar and trying to memorize a bunch of verbs.

It was when I moved to New York in 2013 that I had to face for real the craziness and beauty about it. But it was different because even if in my head I was ready to take over the world and achieve my goal, I was there as an immigrant trying to survive in the city that never sleeps.

We were never illegal, my husband was working as a photographer for a big company, the kids enrolled in school, and because of our visa, I had to become a full-time SHM (stay at home mom). For me, it was the perfect opportunity to study and take care of my family.

But being an immigrant in the United States is not an easy task sometimes. I remember once when I went to the local library and the lady at the front desk told me that I couldn’t have a library card because I was not American. Or even at my son’s doctor (who was Russian, btw) to bully me because I couldn’t speak faster. There is no reason at all for people to do that, seriously.

As a Brazillian, and former Public Relations, I always had a “problem” with communication as I wanted to speak in the clearest way possible so people could really understand what I wanted to say. It was at this exact moment, that perfectionism was killing the joy of learning something new.

Because I was afraid to speak English wrong, I was avoiding speaking or not speaking at all.

It took me almost 3 years living in the US when I felt more confident with myself and was not allowing anybody to shy me away because of my English. This shift happened after I heard from a friend that this is a polyglot problem, to not speak 100% perfect in any language. I laughed when he said that because it was so real!

It looks like a small problem, but the feeling of being afraid to ask for help at the supermarket when you are looking for something, or when we have to solve something at the bank. Sometimes we take this for granted, the power of communication.

We listen and read a lot about how to learn a new language, but nobody is saying out loud and in a clear way how you can implement what you are learning. So I will give you some practical and easy tips:

1 — If you are feeling really shy to speak in English, create a persona

It looks like a funny tip, but it works! For example, I was often imagining myself as Rachael from “Friends”. She was always speaking smoothly, slowly, and of course, with a big smile. Every time I had to ask for help for something, I would always go with a smile on my face and even I was saying BS, people were always willing to help and understand what I need.

2 — Learn as a kid, speak as a kid

One of the things that helped me a lot was reading Dr. Seuss’s books. Did you know that in the book “Green Eggs and Ham” he used only 50 words? Yeap, 50! When kids learn to speak, they don’t go out there talking about the politician, talking about complex topics, or anything like that. They speak what they need to say in order to have what they want. Why should we start from level 5 if we didn’t practice the first 4 before? Just see yourself as a kid learning to speak.

3 — Read your books out loud

I know this might sound crazy, but when you read something out loud you will listen to yourself and get used to your own voice. Do it every day and you will see how fast you will improve.

4 — Listen to music, read the lyrics, and sing

The same idea as with the books, but the thing is… when you start singing along your favorite songs, it will boost your confidence! The feeling is like a mission accomplished! You should try it! Choose one song at a time and go for it.

5 — Don’t punish yourself if in the middle of a conversation you realize you said something wrong

One of the things that were awful for me, it was because I was trying to speak the “correct” English. Perfect grammar, rich vocabulary, and I was probably trying to impersonate Hemingway or trying to win a Nobel Prize for Literature. This is not realistic in a short period of time, specially for a second language speaker. This was really killing my learning process, don’t do this to yourself. Remember: learn as a kid, and speak as a kid so you can improve with time.

It has been 7 years since I started to practice and learn to speak English for real, but I’m always making mistakes (it is truly possible for you to find some errors here too) but it’s ok. I decided to not hold myself and just speak. Simple like that.

The thing is, I still want to speak so well that I’m always studying and reading things from great authors, different stories, and amazing books. This is why I love it so much Medium, it gives us the possibility to share our stories, and connect with people.

Never let anyone say to you what you should or should not do. The English language is beautiful, rich, and it’s like a bag full of surprises.

I would love to see that lady that said to me no when I asked to do a library card, so I could say thank you. Her NO made me so afraid and ashamed to speak English (specially in front of my kids) that I decided to practice, practice, and practice. I’m proud to be here after 7 years, talking to you and not afraid anymore of my grammar mistakes.

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Previously published on medium

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