My Gay Friend Set My Dating Standard for 2025

I sat at the edge of the sea with a long-time friend of mine. We discussed the current events and our life gossipis while basking in the warm, spring sun surrounded by the sound of waves crashing on the wall. I held my matcha latte, sipping it slowly, laughing my lungs out, while my friend told me a story of his last encounter with men.

It was hilarious.

We then went for a lunch, during which my friend said “This could have been a date”. The issue? He is gay, and totally wouldn’t date me. He then proceeded to explain what he meant.

“I am setting your standard for dates in 2025”

See, I told my friend (let’s call him Josh) that in 2024 I went on 2 dates total. I told him how I got ghosted and how the other date was… bizarre. He obviously knew about my other “trying to date people” encounters, and he was done with it.

Josh is proud of me. Mostly because I learned to just leave the dates that I see are going downhill. He is also proud (and scared) of the aftermath of that behaviour. He knows this happens, he hates it, and he is doing his best to keep other men accountable. He is also a 185cm big man with a deep voice.

So… While we were eating he came up with “Let’s call this a date, I am now setting your standard for dates in 2025”. I frowned and asked for elaboration, and here’s what Josh said:

“I don’t want you to lower your standards, because you are worth more than what we are doing here. But I want this to be your bare minimum. We went for a walk, got some coffee, and talked in a great, mutually beneficial way. You listened to me, I listened to you. We laughed, we joked, we had fun. There was no awkwardness and no questionable stuff happening. Because let’s say this is our second date,” (we met last month as well).

And he had a point there. Most of the men I have recently met never asked me a question, or became “touchy” really fast despite me telling them that I don’t like being touched by strangers. I felt awkward, and sometimes felt as if I was listening to “trust me bro university” podcasts.

Josh then proceeded, “I started this date by bringing you a small gift that was thoughtful,” he brought me a book of Haiku. Knowing I like books, poetry, and haikus. “I took your request into consideration.” I asked him if we can start with a matcha and a walk since the weather was splendid, and I needed a wake up beverage. Despite us setting up a lunch date.

“Now, we are eating a lunch, for which I know you’d like to pay half of, so we are even.” (It’s my thing, I tend to pay for myself on first dates just to be in clear. Mostly due to fear). “But I will get you a small treat after this. Because you are not missing out on THAT PLACE. I’ll then walk you back to the station, get a hug because I’m lucky, and that will be it.”

We finished the lunch, went to the treat bakery, he got me a treat, which I couldn’t fit into myself, so I packed it into my bag. He then walked me back to my train station and stayed with me until the train came. He then waited until the doors closed and waved, following up with a text: “Let me know once you’re safely home”.

And that text weas not just “what needs to be done”. Oftentimes I’d not message back (because I forgot) or I’d say “I’m home” just to be met with silence. Josh? Josh answered “great!” just to let me know he actually cared.

My dating standard for 2025 set by a gay man.

Is it that hard?

In my experience… The dates nowadays are way too terrifying. Men have a nerve to ask me for a “body count” on the first meeting, before I even memorised their name. Some believe I owe them a kiss (or sex) on a first date despite literally just meeting them.

I remember getting a flower from one guy, that was slavic, and he knew his slavic rules by heart. Including the side of the street (I know those rules. I’m slavic too).

I am not saying that “all men suck”, I am saying that the dating atmosphere has become a nightmare for all parties involved. We should go to such meetings with clear boundaries, expectations, and communication.

This applies to men and women.

Hide that pitchfork.

I don’t know if I will have any more dates this year, but I am going for another fantasy ball next week and hope to meet some great people. Keep your fingers crossed, hold your thumbs, and please wish me well… I’ll keep you posted through my “Meeting people organically is hard” series.