It was The Great Depression, a time not unlike what some are experiencing today. My grandpa was a New York City police officer and owned a brownstone in the Park Slope neighborhood of Brooklyn. My grandparents lived in one part of the home and rented the other.
The tenant lost his job.
My grandpa couldn’t bring himself to evict the family. Eventually, my grandparents lost their home. They would never own another and would rent for the remainder of their lives.
I once wrote, “My grandfather had a heart so big his body could barely house it.”
He chose humanity over money.
This is a part of my positive emotional inheritance.
It’s worth more to me than any financial gift.
Money can be consumed or devalued, leaving little to pass down through generations. But you can’t cheapen living examples that withstand time and economies.
That big-hearted Irish guy and my Nana left us a sizeable inheritance.
One I have tried to pass along to my own children.
Empathy
The story of the brownstone is a deeper degree of empathy.
It’s one a cop and a midwife passed along to their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren who became first responders — police, firefighters, nurses.
People who have a massive capacity to feel the pain of others.
And because of this, will risk their lives for the well-being of strangers.
Generosity
If you meet my family for a meal, there’s a battle for the check.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s an aunt, uncle, cousin, sibling, they will insist on paying. I could meet my brother and sisters for lunch every day of the week, and we’d still fight over the check.
It’s not just financial, my family has a generosity of spirit.
If you need something, like something, or want something they will give it.
Showing up
If you have a problem or difficulty they show up.
In my twenties, I was having a hard time after losing my mom. I confided in my sisters. One day, there’s a knock at the door, my brother had driven over an hour to my home. “Colleen,” he said, “Why didn’t you tell me you were having a hard time?”
During my initial marital problems, my friend worried and asked if I had told my family. “If I tell my siblings, all four of them will be on my doorstep by morning,” I said. “And I don’t want to burden them.”
My family is present.
I have never known a time where they have let me down.
Thoughtfulness
There’s thoughtful and then there’s over the top, my family’s over the top.
In high school, I would come home to my favorite candy or a new sweater. Whatever caught my mom’s eye and made her think of me. It was random and unexpected but consistent.
It’s hard to stop a good habit and we haven’t.
We let each other know, we are thinking of them.
It might be Cheetos, a Baby Ruth, or some other indulgence, but we’ll scoop it up to gift. It could be an unexpected card or gift in the mail. Any random thoughtfulness on any random day. No reason is needed.
It goes without saying, holidays, hardship, or healing will bring even more.
Expressions of love
In my family, we say I love you like breathing.
My mom would write us notes and leave them in various places. On the kitchen stove, bathroom counter, or a lunch bag.
She spoke the ‘I love you’ as well.
So much so, I could call and hang up on my family five times in an hour, and we’ll say it every time.
Doing the right thing
We will do the right thing.
My father had limitations. Alcohol was something he would never overcome. But he was a kind, gentle, funny man. He had led a glamorous life as Katherine Murray’s Dance partner on the weekly Arthur Murray Dance Show and opened studios. Ultimately, he was unable to care for us.
He wasn’t perfect, but he did the right thing.
When he left, he signed over the house so we would always have a home.
Humanitarian
My family lives outside our own four walls.
The majority of my family lives this by profession. Every day they go out into the world with bravery and selflessness of the larger picture. A determination to do their part and give of themselves.
I’m not a first responder but I walk by the example they set for me.
I do not sit back, I get involved. If that means a school, a charity, a community, an individual, I will be there.
At the core, humanity is kindness.
It’s treating every single human being with kindness and respect.
This is my positive emotional inheritance.
When my children come home with my favorite candy, write me a note, stop to help someone, sneak to pick up a check, leave a big tip, snuggle with our dogs, laugh with their cousin’s babies, give back too much change, lead something, or surprise me.
I smile because they know a man they never met.
A joyful Irish guy whose heart was so big his body could barely house it.
Who lost his house…
But gave us everything.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Omar Lopez on Unsplash
