Akirah Robinson loves Dan more than words can say, so why did she stand up in front of 150 people and tell them that he doesn’t complete her?
A year ago Dan and I got married in front of fifteen of our closest loved ones, knowing we would host a HUGE shindig to celebrate a few months later. Last month we finally got around to it and celebrated our first wedding anniversary with 150 family members and friends.
It was awesome.
The theme of the day was friendship because while it was a party to celebrate our marriage, Dan and I wanted to make it clear how much we appreciate each person in our community. In order to emphasize this point, I gave a speech:
So. This past year has been a whirlwind for me. Not only did Dan and I get married, but I started a new job, graduated from grad school, passed my licensing exam, and we began the process to buy our building. A lot is happening lately but I cannot think of a better person to be on my team than Dan. Everyone in this room knows how amazing of a person he is. I’m the luckiest.
I’ve got to be honest about something though. As great as he is, Dan does not complete me. He certainly makes life funnier. Busier. Happier. And tastier. (Dan’s a chef.) But he does not complete me. And I do not complete him. Our lives are so much bigger than each other. Today illustrates that in a beautiful way.I find it absolutely wonderful that we get to spend the last day of our first year of marriage with all of you. I’ve been looking forward to this moment for a long time. Because although our wedding was perfect and filled with more love than I could’ve ever imagined, something was missing. All of you! This was the missing piece to the puzzle of year one. It is you all who add such richness to our lives and complete us, along with the good Lord above.
Tomorrow morning, I look forward to waking up next to Mr. Robinson. I know I will feel such joy and peace. Because today has been a reminder to me that with loved ones like all of you, he and I can do this. You’ve got our backs. Throughout this last year, Dan and I have felt nothing but love and support from each of you. You are our community. You are the loves of our lives. We are blessed to know such amazing people.
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Later that night, Dan told me my speech was great, but probably went over a few people’s heads. “I understood what you meant…and I’m not offended at all. But it’s just not normal to say that your husband doesn’t complete you. Society doesn’t teach us that,” he said. (NEWSFLASH: I am not normal.)
So yes, I’m that girl who told 150 people at her wedding reception that her husband does not complete her. And I did so proudly. Here’s why:
1. It’s true. Dan doesn’t complete me.
2. I rather enjoy challenging the things society tells us to believe, especially regarding relationships.
3. My life is so much bigger than my marriage. My community, my faith, and my experiences complete me. My relationship with myself completes me.
4. There’s a time and a place for romance, but I don’t like romanticizing marriage. Our expectations of marriage are high enough as it is.
5. I was created to tell gals that their lives are so much bigger than their romantic relationships (or lack thereof). I’ll take any opportunity I can to do so. Even my wedding reception.
That’s why you’ll never hear me tell someone else that Dan completes me. I just don’t buy into that kind of crap. I love the man more than words can say. He’s a phenomenal partner and I’m really glad he’s on my team. Dan is a big part of my life and I feel blessed by that.
But…he’s only a part of my life. And I feel blessed by that too.
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This post originally appeared on AkirahRobinson.com
my censored comment:
“why did you feel a need to say that? were people saying that to you? were they saying “it’s great you found someone to complete you”? was it really necessary to state this out loud at your wedding?”
and i’m going to add that i hope this man never becomes superflous to your big complete life. or else he may find himself on the receiving end of a frivolous divorce, you know because “My life is so much bigger than my marriage.”
Doesn’t the Celestine Prophecy talk about this? Like if we’re a ‘C’ looking for another ‘C’ to make an ‘O’ with, tthat union will probably wither. Better to be an ‘O’ on our own, then maybe join up with another ‘O’ one day.
thanks for censoring me!
In 2003, singers and musicians Diana Krall and Elvis Costello were married. Around the time their nuptials were announced, a writer for People Magazine interviewed Krall, and asked about her first meeting with Costello. Here’s what she DIDN’T say during that interview: • “I took one look at him, and knew I had to have him.” • “He recited the Encyclopedia Britannica, and I fell madly in love.” • “I bought Dr. Phil’s book on relationships, so I could learn how to make ours work.” • “I bought a copy of ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ so I would… Read more »
Saying that society doesn’t encourage it because it isn’t normal, doesn’t mean it’s not fine. There will always be personal opinions on the matter but going along with what society wants isn’t always right
“You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. “Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf Sing… Read more »
This is splendid. Thank you.
Fair enough. If you split tomorrow, neither of you would die. I get it.
Good for you! I kind of did the same thing but in less direct words. I said that I loved that we allowed each other to grow as individuals, together. What I meant was in essence, I valued that we CHOSE to be together, but we didn’t complete each other. We’re not the “other half”. We’re 2.
There’s a chance it went over my inlaws’ heads, but I don’t give a damn 🙂
To tell the truth I never thought about it until I read this article. I would suppose that my GF doesn’t complete me either. I, as would she, carry on without the other. Perhaps not as happily, or with the sense of fulfillment that we each feel, but we are each complete people. Me more so than her, but that’s a part of being woman in our society, sometimes you can get lost in a dominate relationship. To see her blossom is as great as watching anyone you love achieve and grow. It’s great to read about someone else who… Read more »
I totally get you mean about your husband not completing you, and that it is NOT an unsult to anyone…. simply a statement that you both have whole lives that you are lucky enough to include each other in but which are not circumscribed by each other. You both enrich each others’ lives by each being whole people with whole lives. That is what you said means to me anyway, and I think it is great. It was like that with my husband and me, too.