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“You didn’t tell me he was black!!!!”
“I don’t mind that you did it, but it’s not something I would do.”
“I still love you, but you know what you’re doing is wrong.”
“I don’t believe the two kinds should mix.”
“I’ve got a friend who is black like that!”
“He’s attractive, for a black guy.”
“He’s not my type, I’m not attracted to black guys.”
I’m sick of ignoring these comments; they hurt. In my case, these comments all came from well-meaning friends and family, some on my very wedding day. Many people likely think what they are saying is fine and that we are cool, but I now know how you really feel. In fairness, we’ve all said and done things that were missteps, so I’m not going to hold it against them every time. However, I do wish to educate them about the harmfulness of their words.
When two people I loved dearly refused to let my black husband in their yard for no other reason than his skin color, I began to have a fuller understanding of what my future would look like. I have to think ahead of time about where we are going, and if he will be welcomed there. It’s more than being allowed in the house, which is already absurd, but it is
necessary to ask myself whether he will be treated the same as if I were bringing a white man with me. Will he be ignored, or the butt of the joke? Will he be questioned about his hair, and lectured on black males in history, or better, told stories about the one black guy they met that was as dark as him. All of these are real considerations as part of our marriage.
For the many people who make these kinds of comments, my husband’s skin color enters the room before he does. His accent follows, and his person is left outside in the dark to be ignored. No one seems to care about his dreams, values, likes or dislikes…anything he says, for that matter. He is reduced to being the “black guy with an accent.” He is marked and no matter what kind of person he is, he will never be valuable in their eyes. He will never be good enough, or anything more than “that black guy Christine married”— and that is hurtful.
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You were berated publicly for holding hands on the Marta, and I’m told that I should know the races shouldn’t mix.
We should all stand against the injustices all around us. When we sit back and watch quietly as people of color, the LGBTQ community, special needs, and others are being treated poorly, we are adding to the injustice with our silence. When you hear something—SAY SOMETHING! To be an activist you don’t have to be at a big protest, or write a book. Simply STAND UP in your everyday life!
At the office cooler, with your family, at the cash register, STAND UP and SPEAK OUT! Bullying, discrimination, racism, sexism, homophobia, and the like are all very alive and real. We have to be louder than those who think that showing consideration for others is just “being politically correct.”
“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.
Photo: Getty Images
Let’s be honest here. Black men believe that black women are less attractive than white girls. Why are black men so desperate to date white girls in the first place? If given the opportunity, white women would never trade their long, soft, silky, beautiful European hair in exchange for dry, tightly coiled, nappy, kinky, African hair. European hair, light eyes and fair skin is why black males value white/light skinned women over dark black women in the first place. Black males are basically trying to breed their African DNA out of their gene pool by mating with the white women… Read more »
Why did you marry him?