Sometimes I wonder if I am living in a parallel universe, where all the stars just align the way I want them to. Going into my mid-20s, so much has changed. It feels like I am on a whole new trajectory. Truth be told, this change was years in the making. I worked relentlessly to heal my broken soul and find ways to cope with wounds that were etched into permanent scars.
Don’t we all sing to the same tune?
The story is just not as interesting when the Hero has no comeback action to prop himself up in a harsh world where all the odds are against him. There are certain things we don’t get to choose in life: The set of parents we are born to, the type of college we’ll get accepted into, what type of career we’ll end up in or the weather.
The Harsh Truth: We don’t get a single day in the level of nurturing and emotional support, we will receive in the environment we grow up in.
What I Know For Sure:
I deserve someone who offsets my personal and professional losses. Someone who makes up for the pain of losing a parent in life too early. I want someone who bears through with my depression, moodiness, sharp words and the highs fuelled by adrenaline and busyness of being me. I want someone who wants to create inside jokes that only we share. The type that makes our other friends feel awkward. I want someone who wants to get up in the middle of night to bake cookies, and watch them while watching the pouring rainstorm. I want someone who has the same taste as me in ice cream, sports and cheap comedy movies.
I want someone who hits all the holes in my soul, that I never knew were in need. I want someone who treats me better than my own family. Someone who is more emotionally closer to me than my own mom and a father-figure and boyfriend all in one package. I want someone who feels like a twin I lost at Birth. I want better than the past. I deserve more than a sad, traumatizing past. I deserve more than to forever live under the label of the girl who’s parents got divorced.
What I Definitely Know For Sure:
Now that I finally found someone who made me realize everything that I deserve, I also know how precious it is. Dating him has been the most romantic adventure I have ever taken in my life. Our emotional connection is the most prized, deeply craved, highly sensitive, triggering, healing, soothing and soul-satisfying connection in my entire life. I have never experienced this feeling with anyone. It is truly my one in a lifetime fairy tale.
Naturally, a love like this requires me to let go of all the things holding me back from it, including the notion that Family comes before everything. I make no apologies for the fact that he makes me the Happiest Girl In The World; Happier than my own family ever could. It also raises the important question in the consciousness of women: Why do we put our Toxic Familial Relational Patterns and put them on a pedestal? Shouldn’t we expect to do more as the next generation? The one that comes after our own parents? Should we dare reach for more? Why do we cut ourselves so deep and sacrifice true love for tradition and honor? Can we ever find a compromise between the two?
As for us, we plan on finding out.
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Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.
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Photo credit: istockphoto.com