Jessica facepalmed as she sat alone in a bar across the street.
She let out an exasperated sigh and then sipped one more time from her glass of alcohol.
Why does everyone want to crucify me for being single now that I’m even looking to feel even better about it?
Somehow, the thirty-one-year-old found herself single after ten years of being in 3 different relationships.
And now she has managed to realize that being single is not a sign of weakness or failure on her part, but a choice to refuse to define her life by her relationship status and to live happily every day on her terms.
But the problem is that she now has to put up with being labeled in demeaning and uncomplimentary manners simply because she’s single and you know, aren’t looking for a partner.
Sound familiar?
Have you been single for a while and want to feel even better about it but feel stifled due to judgments, stigmatization, and other forms of pressure from everyone around you?
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Release the pressure and stigma with a tiny mindset shift
Imagine working as a Data Analyst for a tech company …
You’re paid decently but that’s just it. You don’t have even an ounce of love for the job. You have to always muddle through tasks you don’t enjoy.
The worst part is, the company’s new manager makes the job 100x less exciting than it was in your earlier days. Hence, you always find yourself venting and complaining about the job.
Then somehow, one day, you got fired but instead of hunting for another job, you decide to take your writing hobby more seriously in high hopes of creating a life you’ll love. But everyone around you thinks you’re crazy and walking down the wrong path.
Would you focus on the pressures, judgments, and negative reactions from them?
Wouldn’t that be counterproductive to your quest of creating a life you’ll love?
But because you know that when people judge you, it says a lot about them, their perceptions, beliefs, fears, and even insecurities, so you firmly hold onto and aggressively chase your dream of creating a life you love.
Not minding the harsh and cruel judgments from some people who hate their jobs but can’t afford to forget about getting a job and chase their happiness as you do.
And some subtle and caring attempts to encourage you to get another job by the other group of people who genuinely enjoy their jobs and want you to attain the same happiness they have.
So now, what do you do when you want to be happily single but feel suffocated by everyone’s judgments, stigmatization, and other sorts of pressure?
In the same way, and for same reason, you just have to avoid focusing on their judgments and discouraging reactions and instead, strive to attain your goal of being happily single.
With that being said, shall I introduce you to my single best tip for being happy with living a single life?
Let’s begin by looking at:
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A typical process many people use when trying to be happily single
Even though our today’s society still makes it seem as though, being single is simply out of the norm, it can be more than a blessing for people who want it to be.
Hence, according to Mindbodygreen, psychologists suggest that one can be actually happily single if he or she:
1. Prioritizes the connection with the people in his or her life.
2. Dates his or her self and practices self-love.
3. Joins groups, take classes or starts a side-hustle.
4. Hang out with other single friends.
5. Prioritizes self-care.
6. Practices self-inquiry and self-compassion.
7. Takes the advantage of the freedom that comes with being single to be spontaneous with activities.
8. Set goals and focus on self-growth …
These are unarguably great tips on how to attain self-love and partnership.
But my advice is that one shouldn’t just strive to be happy being single but to be happy in general.
Because when you’re happy in general, it becomes much easier to be at peace living as a single person and even enjoying it.
For instance, when you’re at peace with yourself, which is, of course, a form of being happy, you’ll be comfortable being alone. You won’t need anyone to be happy. And you’ll wholeheartedly accept yourself regardless of your past mistakes, flaws, and shortcomings.
What can be a better way to feel good about being single than being comfortable with being alone? Or being able to be happy all by one’s self?
So, by implication, all I’m trying to say is, if you learn to be happy in general, you won’t have to worry much about being single.
But how can one become generally happy in this sense?
Here are a few things you should consider putting into practice:
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1. Decide what kind of life you want and live it
A life that gives you purpose or a reason to wake up every morning rocks when it comes to being happy.
You’ll be more comfortable and at peace with yourself if you happen to figure out the kind of life you want, how to live it, and eventually make it happen.
You just have to decide to live a happy life instead of staying stuck in a life that doesn’t excite you. Like deciding to chase a dream career instead of staying stuck in a job you hate.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be career-related decisions and visions only. But everything that you deeply desire and feel will make you happier, more fulfilling, and at peace with yourself.
Here’s another example:
You can decide to dig even deeper for the best in you and figure out ways to let it out. It won’t be bad if you decide to be kinder, stronger, and even better.
Just try to envision how you truly want all areas of your life to be and live it.
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2. Take ownership of every part of your life
We naturally have this tendency to give up control and ownership of so many aspects of our lives in many different circumstances.
It’s just so easy for us to blame external factors for our circumstances, to be influenced by other people, get caught up in the flow of life, feel powerless, hopeless, helpless, and above all, unhappy when faced with uncomfortable situations.
For example, it’s just so easy to cast every blame on an abusive ex-partner because we stayed longer than we should in the abusive relationship.
When in reality, we also played a part in that. Maybe, we stuck to the relationship because we were afraid to leave or be alone. Or maybe we somehow made it easier for them to treat us the way they did.
The truth is, true happiness and inner peace become achievable when we can own our actions, mistakes, decisions, and everything that makes us whole.
That’s why we need to develop an internal locus of control, higher levels of responsibility, and hold ourselves accountable for our actions.
But this doesn’t mean we should indulge in self-blame but to gain freedom by taking ownership of our lives instead of letting other factors shape and decide the outcomes of our lives.
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3. Do more of what makes you happy
Seems obvious right?
And I can imagine you thinking …
“So because I want to be generally happy so that I can happily embrace living as a single person, he’s suggesting I should just go ahead and do more of the things that provide me pleasure and make me feel good. Isn’t that dumb, laughable, and above all, a kind of terrible advice?”
Well, yes, it’s cliché. And yes, it can also be a bit of terrible advice if interpreted wrongly.
That’s why I’m not suggesting you go ahead and do things that give you instant gratification and pleasure regardless of the consequences they might create in the future.
And I’m not also saying you should be overly bent on being serious and focusing on huge long time goals all through your life.
That’s why I’m a huge fan of striking a balance between short-term and long-term happiness.
Playing video games makes me happy but that doesn’t mean I should waste all the free time I’ve got playing Legend of Leagues, World of Warcraft, or Minecraft.
Because I also want to be one of the most prolific writers alive, I will like to have an athletic body too, to be great at money management, among other things.
It all boils down to this …
You should always choose to strike a balance between short-term and long-term happiness and avoid or minimize vices like drinking or taking hard drugs even if they might make you happy.
Do what makes you happy. Have fun. Be happy. But don’t waste your life in the process.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash
