My Two Realizations After Dating Someone Not Ready for a Relationship

Self, was that eight months of complete bullshit? —my thoughts on a rainy afternoon in July.

Last quarter of 2018 when it all began. Those puppy-dog eyes look, those brunches together, those milk tea nights under the palm trees, those late jeepney rides and even kisses and cuddles under the sheets—at some point it was kind of fairytale.

When that dreamy tale of love comes to its end. Series of sleepless nights had begun, yes I was hurt deeply.

I want to be his endgame, but he uttered

I am not ready.

Moving on for me wasn’t easy —it isn’t for all of us. We invested intense emotion, we were intimately obsessed. It’s always tough getting the way out from the maze of love because a part of us wants to stay and a part of us wants to escape. We’re torn in between, that’s how tricky moving on could get.

Months have passed, my struggling heart has finally settled itself —for good. Those blurry thoughts that haunted me for a long while become crystal clear and the feeling of being not enough isn’t in the equation now.

Let me tell you why….

1. My worth is more than just his “I’m not ready” statement.

We are all precious, our worth is more than just any words. The idea of him being not ready to get into an intimate relationship doesn’t make me less of a person, that doesn’t lose my chance to invest pure emotion to somebody else when the time comes. Someone who deserves it more than him.

I once asked him, “what makes you say that you’re not ready?”

I was expecting that he would say something significant, something that will strongly justify his statement but guess what. He gave me some high school-ish answers.

“Why do you have to know? I’m just not ready. That’s it”

See? You are way more precious than those shits coming from his lips.

You can’t be crying and depriving yourself of a good night sleep over someone with a rambling head. Date someone else!

Many of you might say that I have to respect him because he isn’t emotionally ready yet. Man, how could you play around a woman’s heart for such a long long time if you’re not even hoping to make your relationship official?

The truth is, he is scared of commitment but never afraid of me getting pregnant. It was an eight-month run, it was possible.

2. A pretentious soul will never come out real and take a stand for you.

The realization I should have bumped into before I got emotionally blinded.

I didn’t see where I am until I decided to take a step outside of it. I was in a big glass box, imagine the glass box being used by Joe in Netflix Series “You”. I was kind of quarantined in his own terms. No one has to know about me, of who I am in his life.

You want to know why? Because a lot of people admire him. Sure, he’s a great person and he actually looks intimidating. Every person in every street seems to respect him.

It was all about his pride over me, but he is no saint. He is capable of being human too.

that’s something he ignored. He never took a stand for me, for us.

These are the two things that greatly helped me ease the moving on part of that bittersweet story. I came back to my senses and started building myself again. Brick by brick every single day.

And I’m close enough of getting there —being totally okay.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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