His wife’s on strike. She isn’t doing HER HALF of the housework! Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt’s wondering…
Question: My wife has stopped doing her half of the housework and gets bitchy when I ask her about it. She doesn’t work so I can’t imagine her doing anything all day! How do I fix this problem?
Answer: Love, I can’t imagine that after doing half the housework all this time, she all of a sudden decided not to… What’s happened?
Do you have kids? Has she taken on a new volunteer commitment? Did you really piss her off? Yes we women are fabulously unpredictable creatures yet we normally have a reason if we decide to ‘strike’.
Sadly, one of my clients had no clue how unhappy his wife was until she had an affair and abruptly left him. Thankfully through coaching he was able to own where he was too focused on work and not focused enough on their connection. He was able to own that he avoided conflict at all costs… and this cost was his marriage.
I’m not saying you’re going to get a divorce over a messy home, yet this is a huge red flag that it’s time to communicate! Reflective listening is a great tool when communicating to make sure the other feels heard, “So what I heard you say is that… xyz.” Any justification, projection, denial or blame is only going to make things worse, so seek to understand and be understood, not to be right or win. And if the conversations go no where but yelling without resolution or forward movement, get help.
We week wise counsel for our bodies, our companies, our children… choosing support for our most precious gifts- our relationships- is smart and effective for comes with a huge return on your investment. Happy wife? Happy life (and no more overflowing laundry basket).
For support in how to be a bold, centered, honest and effective communicator with women, how to not be subjected to emasculation and how to show up as a noble badass and create a hot healthy intimate relationship, read my complementary report and video series www.GetHerToSayYes.com.
For one on one help navigating what’s UNDERNEATH the strike of not doing the housework and HEALING your marriage, communication, intimacy and clean home, contact [email protected] for a Strategy Session Subj: GMP Sent Me- Wife Won’t Do The Housework. Let’s be proactive, courageous and feircly loving to nip this in the bud and get your connection solid, honoring and delicious again.
Huge love and endless blessings, Allana xox
Photo: www.BigStock.com
I think it’s amusing that this man is very careful to say she has stopped doing “her half” of the housework, when it is probably closer to “her 75%-100%” if she went on strike in the first place. Men don’t pull their weight and they get very very upset when women refuse to continue taking up their slack just so the house doesn’t fall apart.
Understand, Anthony, and thank you for illustrating such as it brings to light the “our side” that so often goes unrepresented, which leads to the point I was trying to make. In fact, thank you to all the guys that spoke up here. That, to me, this is why the Man Project exists. A place for guys to speak their issues. This is how it works. No hugging, no over the top emoting, but honest, open discussion about the things that effect us both in and out of relationships, and done from a purely logical perspective. Any time that occurs,… Read more »
DJ, GMP has a ‘mission statement’ of sorts on their ‘ABOUT” page. I think you’d enjoy reading it.
Also, there is no such thing as ‘purely logical perspective’ for women or for men. Especially when it comes to our relationships.
The sexism and privilege assumed here are just so patriarchial and old school as to be laughable (or for many man in this sorry state of affairs, cryable). You only need a few examples to make the case: Alana: “Yes we women are fabulously unpredictable creatures yet we normally have a reason if we decide to ‘strike’. Fabulously unpredictable, eh? Geez, I guess we just can’t have a woman president. They’re just too cray! And “we normally have a reason”? Really? Last time I looked EVERYONE has a reason for EVERYTHING they do. Look, this is REALLY simple: If you’re… Read more »
It’s funny …. I remember back in the 80’s a big push for men to take half of the household duties. As the sole supporter of the family, I had to scratch my head and because the division of those duties were focused on the typical chores like doing dishes, vacuuming, etc. What I never saw was any recognition of when many men do that fall outside the perceived “household.” Back then we had an old house which required a lot of work. I don’t remember my wife every picking up a hammer, wrench or screw driver much less a… Read more »
When all venues of mind-reading channels are exhausted and ruled out as non-functional, we can always adhere to the ground rule that it’s the man’s responsibility that communication isn’t working.
Don’t seek to be right or win, just be ready to accept full responsibility for their unhappiness.
Talking about “her half” of the workload, implies at least to me that the writer actually is doing at least (roughly) the other half, in addition to a (fulltime?) job.
Ditch, dump, divorce – use the cup in the sinkwife precedence and bounce her out. Maybe she gets to write a woe is me social media post about how she stayed home and failed to do HALF of the house work.
It is after all not about the laundry…… (I do love it how no matter wtf happens I the house the guy is always the one that needs to be more ‘sensitive and attentive’) ?
I’m asking myself why, if he was working and she was home, was she not doing all the housework, and having dinner ready for him. I’m in between projects currently and the wife is working on a big one. I’m doing everything (which is far easier then working). When she comes home, I’m the one supporting her, not the other way around. I’ve been home. She’s been out slaying dragons all day. Unless I’m reading this totally wrong, it seems that this woman was just selfish, and would have strayed anyway. Seems that he failed to stand up for himself… Read more »
the guy who asked the question didn’t have a cheating spouse; the person responding was talking about another guy that she helped whose wife cheated on him.
Well said -DJ- I know a bit of what this is like. I work a pretty intense 60-ish hour week at my job quite often, and have to add a couple hours of commuting every day to that. Then I come home and deal with cleaning, garbage, recycling, compost, cat litter, dishes, laundry, fixing things around the house, grocery shopping, paying bills, and everything else. It takes me 3 days to watch one episode of a TV show, in 15 minute increments, when I get the chance, and I haven’t played a video game or watched a movie in almost… Read more »
To clarify, I have a career job, she stays at home. She does about half of everything around the house (maybe a little more than half, to be fair), and I work a full time job, and do the other half. She manages to binge watch entire seasons of TV shows on Netflix, read every mystery romance novel that comes out, seems to have somehow seen every movie that’s come out in the last several years, and is always leveling up in some iPad game. I get a decent meal when I come home, and some things around the house… Read more »
I thank God that I married the women I married. But back then, women were not as pressured to perform out side the home. Women saw value in being a stay at home wife/mom and didn’t fall into the trap where they were pushed into believing a “career” is what determined their value. Sadly is was only a few years after our daughter was born that my wife was berated by her contemporaries who thought she was giving up on her true talents and abilities. I’m happy to say that our daughter followed her mom’s foot steps What I find… Read more »
Anthony – She might actually be lonely if she spends all her time at home. I can see why you are stressed out. You certainly have too much on your plate. And while I don’t think your situation sounds exactly right, it does seem that she at least wants to spend time with you when you come home. Of course, you both deserve to be happy so maybe you guys need outside help? Tom – How is it that you can be happy about encouragement to move outside the ‘man box’ but be upset about women having careers??? I think… Read more »