Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold
Hey Wendy,
How important is it to have things in common? I am motivated by things that are quite intellectual and academic, and even though my boyfriend tries to be interested in the things I find fascinating he struggles as it’s not his thing.
I’m trying to get past the fact that I can’t have in-depth intellectual conversations with him about things like the nature of power/politics.
I love him and his kindness and warmth with every fiber of my being, but I miss that intellectual connection. Can this work?
Sandy O.
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Hey Sandy,
“Can this work?” is a question only you can answer.
I hear that you love him, but do you respect him?
If his lack of knowledge/interest in intellectual topics causes you to lose respect for him, you don’t stand much of a chance together.
However, if you do respect him, and you want to have these types of conversations with him, try teaching him things first. Once he understands what you’re talking about, see if he can give you his perspective; that’s another way to engage with him.
Also, make sure you’re making room for friends who love diving into the same topics you do in your life, and hang out with them when you need your fix. You can relish those satisfying conversations and then go home to him and do what the two of you enjoy doing together.
We shouldn’t expect to get every single need we have met by our partner (it takes a village), but we should expect to be able to respect and honor who they are, enjoy our connection, and be satisfied with what they provide as a partner.
Good luck!
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Wendy Newman is the author of 121 First Dates. She’s a dating, sex, and relationship expert who’s led hundreds of workshops and revolutionized the lives of over 80,000+ people internationally. For tools and advice, visit wendyspeaks.com
Want a happy relationship for the long haul? Grab Wendy’s DIY Relationship Workshop, Happy in Love.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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