Navigating Relationships: How To Be a Better Partner

Wanting to have a healthy relationship with your partner and family members, and become better, is a wonderful way to show them how much you care about them by being willing to put in the effort and work on your behavior. The “happily ever after” notion portrayed in romantic novels and movies is not that realistic and easy to achieve in real life; it requires mutual respect, intimacy, open communication, small gestures etc, to keep the relationship ticking.

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Here’s how to add more value in your relationship:

#1. Maintain your self-identity

Entering a relationship can be quite challenging to remain yourself as you want to merge into the other person, and their world completely becomes your world. Over time we tend to lose awareness of our innate, natural self. Especially in long-term relationships, we try to integrate our contractions, which seems like an enticing proposition at first, but, ultimately, can give rise to this sense of novelty to wear off.

In the early phases of the relationship might be adorable and sexy, and at the same time, safe and secure, but, after time, this sense of familiarity can breed boredom and predictability.

Love and desire do not have to be mutually exclusive, but refined through our differences.

It is easier to live through someone else than to complete yourself. The freedom to lead and plan your own life is frightening if you have never faced it before. It is frightening when a woman finally realizes that there is no answer to the question ‘who am I’ except the voice inside herself.

― Betty Friedan

#2. Read between the lines

Asking for what you need is such a simple yet difficult thing that most of us rarely do it. Probably your sweetheart has several creative ways to “tell” you what he needs you to know; sarcasm, indirect language, implying things, providing context clues. They would rather presume that you will know without you telling. This passive-aggressiveness is yet another emotional response stemming from fear, insecurity, and their own unresolved issues.

Make him feel safe, loved and special enough, so that he can be truly transparent with you.
When they are not being honest enough it is because that is their lens through which their vision was framed since childhood. Their true feelings were not neither heard nor validated. Now it’s time that you create together the proper lens through which your mutual future perspective will be channeled.

You read my words and instantly we are both connected
― Richard L. Ratliff

#3. Stop dwelling on what you don’t like about him

Letting anger or frustration come in between you and them is not going to lead to enduring structural change. Instead of blaming them for their “imperfections”, try to understanding them as you would want to be understood yourself.

Be emotionally available, accept them as they are, so that you don’t block the grain of truth that lies within them, without imposing your own values or judgments.

Joseph Bailey in his book Slowing Down to the Speed of Love

“When we are aware of our true nature, the importance of our individual ego-self fades. As we place less importance on our personality quirks, expectations, and neediness, we open ourselves to our true nature — love. Love is the core of our being, so what could be easier and more natural than for our true, loving nature to flow in our lives and in our relationships?”

#4. Vulnerability is the new sexy

No feelings or emotions are inherently bad, negative, or wrong. Sharing your authentic self, the parts that are hurt and broken might be scary or uncomfortable, but it is often an important ingredient that will arouse compassion in our partner, so he can decenter from his own subjectivity.

No intimacy without vulnerability.

According to by Lois Melkonian in her article in BetterUp, she describes the 5 benefits of vulnerability:

Vulnerability strengthens relationships: whether it’s showing empathy, sharing information with someone you trust, or simply expressing needs and wants openly without judgment.
Vulnerability can help us grow and learn: Having a relationship with vulnerability, with things falling apart, is a life changer. Instead of being a problem, vulnerability can be a solution.
Vulnerability expands gratitude: as we fully embrace the meaning of vulnerability, we are filled with a growing sense of gratitude and joy.
Vulnerability improves self-awareness: When you work to let go of your assumptions and biases, you begin the process of accepting uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. That moment when you admit you don’t know everything opens up a path for you to continue to explore, grow, and learn.
Vulnerability affirms you are enough: When we choose to be vulnerable we recognize that we are enough. It’s what we bring to the table, how we demonstrate kindness, and how we interact with people in our lives.

Takeaway

Love can be quite a paradox in a fast-paced, modern world, as we want to have it all. Both the erotic and domestic, as Esther Perel calls them. Reconciling love and lust forever, if possible. We want safety and routine, but also, freedom and adventure at the same time. We are becoming more and more greedy (and entitled), not only in our romantic relationships, but in all aspects of life. And, this is our duty to find where the fine balance lies…

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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