—
Forging a relationship with our child can be a humongous challenge for which, I offer this parent’s prayer:
Oh, Lord, It is my wish that I become and remain the quintessential good parent, that I am the role model that he/she needs, that I learn to put his/her needs before my own, that I understand that my personal life no longer belongs to me but to “us”. I, the parent, accept the fact that being a parent literally comes with a great commission and at a great cost, both financially and psychologically. I am bound to utilize all innate, acquired, and borrowed knowledge to properly rear my child(ren), that it is incumbent upon me to instill within him/her qualities that will be incessantly exhibited throughout his/her life qualities that will clearly magnify his/her integrity, honesty, trustworthiness, self-worth, humility, civility, holistically prompting him/her to possess both a sympathetic heart and ear, who will lend to his/her understanding by offering genuine respect and support for the world’s inhabitants.
We struggle with our confidence to become that model parent that society expects us to be. We acquire this great honor simply, by default: we have a child, we are now a parent; there is no room for discussion and/or debate as to whether or not we accept this responsibility. Baby showers accentuate our anticipation as we anxiously await that once-in-a-lifetime sound of our newborn’s first cry. After the delivery room pictures and videos, cigars, and rounds of congratulations, the real work begins.
We potty train them, we teach them to walk, we teach them to speak, then to read. We proudly boast to our friends, our loved ones and to anyone within earshot about what geniuses we have created. We proudly—rightfully so—take snapshots of our “one-of-a-kind” geniuses.
However, we often fail to realize that as we descend and approach the realities of the world, we shatter parent-child relationship records and annihilate the sound barrier as we exit our state of euphoria:
Life greets us with a blood-curdling crash when they begin to explore their own identity.
We embark upon the reality that he/she is our child and not “us” or maybe he/she is the second coming of “us,” armed with this revelation, we position ourselves for battle, faced with “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.”
Their hormones play havoc both psychologically and physically. As they attempt to navigate a non-navigable tsunami, we stand in the midst of the storm, to make every attempt to be that loving, nurturing parent, desperately working to avoid leaving any casualties in the aftermath of life’s storm. We wrestle with “weapons of deception,” those that cause us unspeakable fears as we are often confused on how to separate the elements of being the parent, from being the “friend” without alienating our child.
It is naïve to ponder a possibility of a one-size-fits-all relationship with our child and to bypass what appears to be “genetic wiring,” regardless of their impending attitudes, negative or positive.
We are often faced with various challenges that shape both our child and us as we seek to promote a healthy, positive, parental, child relationship. Listed below are several questions that parents may want to ask themselves:
1. Do I truly know “who” my child is as an individual?
2. Does my child indicate that he/she knows him/herself?
3. Am I aware of his/her fears, flaws, feelings of inadequacies?
4. Do I work at perfecting being his/her parent or his/her friend?
5. Am I attempting to live vicariously through him/her?
6. Do I have a relationship with his/her friend’s parents?
7. Am I actively engaged in his/her life or do I observe from a “safe” distance?”
8. Am I modeling “appropriate” behaviors? (academically, personal and private relationships, etc.)
9. Does he/she know that I respect and love him/her?
10. Are my parenting “ACTIONS” in line with my parental instructions?
There are numerous variables that can “make-or-break” a child. As parents, our challenges never cease. The world has given us thousands of definitions of what it means to be a productive, positive, effective parent. Keep in mind their intent is to be helpful. However, there is no one size fits all solution. It is normal for parents to wonder if they have what is required to be a good parent.
—
What’s your take on what you just read? Comment below or write a response and submit to us your own point of view or reaction here at the red box, below, which links to our submissions portal.
◊♦◊
Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.
◊♦◊
Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.
—
Photo credit: Pixabay