Every year, the holidays roll around. They come at the same time each year and are very much a known constant. However, between each holiday season is an entire year filled with variability and unique events. Sometimes we look back on the previous year and are filled with joy and gratitude for 12 months of good luck and positive experiences, but other times we look back on the previous year and are reminded of trying times and major life changes. When the latter occurs, it can be difficult to forge ahead with the holiday season and festive traditions.
Traditions often carry with them a presumption of permanence. One can feel guilty for breaking a tradition, or similarly feel as though it is unacceptable to allow the tradition to be broken. When you experience a tumultuous year leading up to the holiday season, sometimes breaking traditions can be just the cure.
Seven months ago, a friend of mine went through a divorce. As the holidays neared, he found himself dreading the thought of carrying out traditions solo that he once shared with his former spouse. Decorating the Christmas tree was something that he and his family valued doing together, and it made him upset to consider decorating this year’s tree on his own. But he didn’t want to deny his daughter the festive experience of hanging ornaments, so he devised a new tradition. Instead of hanging ornaments on a fir tree, he decided to replace the tree with a wreath.
This year, he and his daughter spent an evening drinking homemade hot apple cider, listening to holiday music, and hanging ornaments on a fir wreath. For him, what was once a tradition held up by the entire family has now become a sentimental father-daughter experience. He remarked that designing and decorating a Christmas wreath with his daughter was a highlight of not only the holiday season, but of the year. At the conclusion of the evening, his daughter told him how much fun she had taking part in their new “Wreath Decorating Tradition.” For my friend and his daughter, starting a new holiday tradition brought them an abundance of fun and allowed them to establish a joyous new experience.
Hearing of my friend’s new tradition, I decided to try starting my own fresh holiday traditions. This past year, I separated from my long-term partner and the home we shared together. When I opened the box of holiday decorations at the beginning of this month, it was difficult to see the collection of ornaments that we had collected together over the course of our relationship. Nor was it easy to unwrap his stocking and see his initials monogrammed at the top of the fabric. The thought of decorating the exterior of the house, of placing candles on each windowsill and stringing white lights in the yard, was another shared experience that I didn’t wish to do on my own.
Inspired by my friend’s decision to craft new holiday experiences with his daughter, I vowed to start new traditions to replace the ones once shared with my former partner. Knowing how much I enjoy the magical feeling of having lights glisten on the front of my house during the holiday season, I wasn’t willing to give up exterior holiday decorations. But I also couldn’t stomach seeing the previous years’ decorations, so I decided to replace the old decorations with brand new ones. I swapped out the white string lights for colored ones, and I traded the candles on the windowsills for faux icicles and red ribbon bows hung from the top of each window frame. My house still shines with the glitz of holiday magic, but it doesn’t carry with it reminders of my past relationship.
Next, I took to my living room mantel. My lone stocking looked isolated above the fireplace, and seeing it hung without the matching one belonging to my former partner didn’t exude the holiday happiness I wanted to promote. To begin a new tradition, I made the decision to retire my stocking, and then I hung five new stockings. Each of the new stockings is dedicated to a value that enhances my life: gratitude, love, strength, generosity, and compassion. For the 25 days of Christmas, I have filled the five stockings with written notes detailing experiences I have had, hopes I carry for the future, and goals I aim to accomplish.
Replacing the traditions that were once shared with someone no longer an integral part of my life with new experiences indicative of the next chapter of my life has allowed me to celebrate the joy of the season without constant reminders of the trying times of the past year. If you’re going through a life transition or trying to find a new normal, I encourage you to create a new tradition. A tradition that will symbolize the happiness and joy you wish to carry with you into the next chapter of your life.
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Photo: Ben White on Unsplash
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