I got a call from a girlfriend inviting me out for a little while. After taking the quickest shower and putting my makeup on, I slid into my denim shorts, a black tank, gold hoops and gold bangles. I then sat down to put the icing on the cake with my six-inch platform heels to help me stand up straighter, seem taller or just to show off my yoga-toned legs and thighs. After texting that last I’m on my way message, I hopped into my car and headed for a fun girls night of poetry, spoken word, acoustic guitar originals, etc.
After reaching my destination, I put on a little or maybe a lot of my perfume and added a little more lipstick for a pop of color. Stepping out of my car, I immediately noticed an African American middle-aged man sitting on the ground resting his back against a building. My first thought was OMG he’s going to grab me or my purse. So I braced myself for the robbery, placing my purse under my left arm before passing the man on my right. As I walked by he looked up at me and said, “Hi ma’am, do you have a dollar you could spare?” I didn’t, so I answered no and kept walking. I didn’t get robbed, and he wasn’t aggressive. He was simply a “human” who wanted money from me to buy something.
For a moment I thought, “Rashika you should be ashamed of yourself, doing the one thing you hated the most, judging people.” Then I thought, “I’m only 5’2 108lbs,” so my mind was actually in defense mode.
◊♦◊
Throughout the event, the ladies and I would step outside for a bit. Unfortunately, smokers surrounded us. I absolutely hate the smell of cigarette smoke so before we stepped back in I told a friend to stay outside where she could see me because I was going to rush back to my car to put on a little lotion or perfume to mask the smell. As I headed back, I noticed that there are now two men in that same spot and seemed to be chatting. I didn’t want just to walk in between their conversation, but I had to get to the car and back before one of our friends performed. So I put my head down and rushed.
One of the men wasted little time getting my attention. Trying not to judge, I repeated in my head, “just keep looking down Rashika.” Suddenly, I heard a kind voice, “good evening young lady, you look beautiful.” I kept walking afraid that if I responded, I would be forced to engage in a conversation. I didn’t have the time nor anything to offer.
Well, my mind is always in overdrive. After hopping into the car, I thought, “that was so rude.” A man paid me a compliment, and I totally ignored him, my top number one pet peeve. I had finished smoothing the softly scented lotion on my legs and arms but was too embarrassed even to walk back over.
◊♦◊
There I was sitting in my luxury vehicle, wearing popular brand attire, with hair perfectly in place laying on my back draped over my thighs, smelling clean and feeling pretty full, feeling judgmental and self-righteous. Who was I to judge someone simply because they weren’t dressed like the “norm.” Well, he could have been a Marc Jacobs model assessing the attire. No offense, Mr. Jacobs, the clothes were large, oversized making big bold statements. Mark Jacobs designs these artistic pieces by choice. The men may have been wearing theirs simply for coverage and comfort.
Since I was so uncomfortable with my reaction, I was determined to show apologetically the man that I do have manners and was raised better than that. I held my head high, slowed down a bit, and sure enough, he was confident once again to give me yet another compliment. “You look really nice tonight; I hope you have a good time.” I looked him straight in the eyes and said, “Thank you, you as well.” His face lit up like a star on a Christmas tree. He had the biggest brightest smile. “Be careful!” he said, just as a car was approaching. “I will” replying as I rushed back over to where my friend was waiting patiently with a weird look on her face. I knew that she was wondering why I was acknowledging the stranger on the corner. So before she could ask, I said, “he was nice,” then walked into the building.
Although we are raised with manners and taught to speak when spoken to, society and media teach us that one who is not of your status is beneath you. Therefore, we treat them differently as if they do not deserve even to be acknowledged. I will continue to be aware of my surroundings for safety purposes. I also will begin to view the world consciously through others eyes because we are not defined by things, but by whom we are as human beings.
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock