No, Talking on DM Doesn’t Count as Real Effort

Here are some common scenarios in modern dating nowadays.

You swiped right to this one person and saw they linked their Instagram account so you could see their 5 other different photos, and when you both started chatting, they’d eventually ask your Instagram handle.

You followed each other, liked each other’s comments, and sometimes, subconsciously, you’ll put more effort before posting anything in your Instagram Story because this person you currently like is there.

I’ve heard this kind of story over and over again from people around me. But somehow girls are the ones who find it hard to move on when clearly the “relationship” won’t go anywhere.

They think it’s something special. They have high hopes that one-day things will change and it’ll become more serious than it is right now.

But from experience, it never worked out that way.

When someone refuses to take the conversation further or at least talk to you over the phone in the next one week, then it’s most likely they only see it as a casual thing — no more than that.

When someone’s serious about you, they don’t take “their time to figure things out”

That’s just the truth most people don’t want to admit. Those butterflies in their stomach cloud their judgment and they never want to consider that this guy/girl might not even be worth their time.

Talking through Instagram doesn’t always mean anything deep or special. Let that sink in.

Too many of us think it is — which is a disaster because then you’ll get so caught up to the idea that it’s a real effort from their end.

While in reality, they could’ve asked for your number, texted/called you, and had a real conversation on the same day they felt a connection with you.

People who are delusional wants to believe that this person they’re talking to is just needing more time to take it further.

At the same time, they don’t want to be pushy by asking why things are still the same after months of talking.

It’s like they’re lying to themselves for something they already knew deep down.

Someone who likes you enough won’t be wishy-washy. They don’t play any game for you to guess what they’re actually feeling.

They show real efforts every day. They make sure you know how they feel about you and most importantly, they aren’t afraid in taking it to the next level because they can’t just wait to be with you.

In short, sharing cute Reels on Insta 10x a day definitely doesn’t count as real efforts.

There has to be more than that if they truly want you in their life.

The hard truth is, you might not be the one they’re talking to right now

The best way to prevent getting your heart broken in online dating is to not assume you’re special — at least in the early stage.

Because feeling this way can open up lots of unnecessary problems. It creates high expectations and before you knew it, you’re so highly invested in this new person you’ve only been talking to for a few weeks.

Especially when communicating through Instagram is all you have (after the swiping phase in a dating App), things can get very tricky. You don’t want to put all your hopes on this one person.

Otherwise, you’ll get disappointed.

Think of it this way, if they don’t even spend much energy in making things work with you then it should be expected that you aren’t the only one they’re talking to currently.

So refrain from thinking or treating them as someone special right in the beginning before you even know the real them.

Should you move on then?

The quick answer would be, “yes, you should”. Let me explain why.

There are a lot more disadvantages if you stay and “wait it out”. At some point, you’ll get tired of it even though you might tell yourself you’re so chill about it.

But no one likes to be in an uncertain situation all the time. Especially when you already imagine the best scenarios with them in your head every day.

It’s hard to be okay when they only treat you like another option.

You deserve someone who puts in the effort from the get-go. Someone who’s into you just as much as you do. You can’t be the only one who’s chasing them.

Long gone are the days when people have to put up with low efforts. If they like you, they’ll call you and get to know you in person. It’s that simple.

Don’t even doubt yourself that you deserve that type of person in the first place.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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