When I was a child the weeks leading up to Christmas were a time of exemplary behavior. Neither myself of any of my friends had actually ever heard of anybody getting coal in their stockings and it seemed a pretty stiff penalty for any of the transgressions we were likely to make, but why take that chance?
My daughter is apparently a little more bold.
We’ve never made any threats of that sort but she knows that Santa is monitoring her activity and that the recently introduced Elf On Our Shelf also has her under observation. For a kid that is almost absurdly well behaved anyway staying on the “nice list” should have been a breeze.
It was an elf that was her downfall. Of all the complaints that I’ve heard from other parents foolish enough to start this tradition, nobody ever mentioned that as excited as a seven year old is to discover they moved overnight, it’s a horrible tease to tell them that the elf will lose it’s magic if touched. We were almost immediately informed that although elves that fly directly from the North Pole cannot be handled, the ones available in stores are for playing with.
It sounded reasonable and after a week of hearing this nonstop our new friend found herself with a partner in mischief.
not all elves are good
My wife and mother-in-law thought I was ridiculous and it was hard to argue with them but when two more showed up I felt pretty content knowing that one of them had joined me in spoiling her.
not all elves are good
I was much less content this morning when I was told that they had both assumed I had completely lost my mind and neither of them had been the one to add to her polar posse.
This posed an interesting dilemma, how to get to the bottom of the mystery while still sustaining the belief that they could have just magically appeared, as she was claiming. It’s difficult to tell somebody that you know they are lying when it’s the very same lie you’ve been perpetrating.
It took about three seconds of “stern face” before she confessed, the elves having been the gift of a boy in class that is smitten and trying to impress her. It was about the same amount of time that it took earlier in the week to explain the torn wrapping paper under her bed and the missing present from under the tree, though there was now a scapegoat, an explanation for her actions.
The elf made her do it.
Specifically the oddly shaped, slightly cheaper, knock off elf that wasn’t made in the North Pole, but in the faraway land of “China.” This elf apparently is part of a line called “Elves Behaving Badly” that isn’t here to remind children to be good but to whisper naughty subliminal suggestions in their ears while asleep.
Be careful out there parents, bad influences are everywhere and can take any form. Constant vigilance is necessary.
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This post was previously published on thirstydaddy.com.
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Photo credit: Jeremy Barnes(Author)
