Boom. Good women, if you’re tired of the same headaches from men, try meeting a different type of man.
Not all men are created equal. It’s not even that some men are better and others are worse – although, to be fair, that actually is the case – it’s that men come in different types. Physically, they can be tall or short, fat or fit, skinny or built. They can be symmetrical and beautiful or not very handsome. They can be darker, lighter, blond, brunette or bald.
Character-wise, they can be pushovers or hard asses. They can be sweet or complete dicks. They can be caring and empathetic or selfish. They can be driven or confused. They can be smart or complete morons. All this is really only touching on the surface. However, there are a few characteristics in particular that play the biggest role in whether or not a woman will be attracted to a man.
These main characteristics constitute a certain “type” that the woman has a tendency of going for. Men do the same thing – it’s human nature. We like what we like and we want what we want.
However, what we want and go for isn’t always in our best interest. Ladies, if you keep dating the same type and it continuously doesn’t work out, then find a different type. Here are a few points to focus on when trying to mix things up a bit:
Looks.
Women tend to either go for shorter or taller guys, lighter or darker, more rugged or more baby-faced. This isn’t something that can easily be changed. What turns us on, turns us on – it’s often unconscious. However, it is possible to learn to see the beauty in people who don’t fall into your regular type.
People’s types often change with time – it’s not that you change so much as it is that your understanding of beauty changes. Human beings are naturally attracted to what they find to be beautiful – physically or otherwise. We like symmetry and near perfection. We’re programmed this way. Luckily, looks are likely to be the least of your problems. But you may want to experiment any way.
Lifestyle.
This is a big one. I know that we say that when you fall in love, you can’t help it. However, if you live completely opposite lifestyles, then the relationship won’t work out. One of you will have to make sacrifices. Don’t put yourself in that situation. You’ll start to be unhappy over time because your own lifestyle will be suffering.
But there’s more about your partner’s lifestyle that ought to be kept in mind. Even if you don’t have opposite schedules, it doesn’t mean that your lifestyles will be compatible. Do you spend time doing similar activities? Do you both go to bed and wake up about the same time? Do you indulge in similar habits? Are you both driven and goal-oriented? All of these questions can potentially greatly impact the relationship.
3. Social circle.
Does he have good friends? Dating someone basically means adopting his friends. His friends become your friends. But what if you don’t like his friends? What if you just don’t all get along? What if his friends are assh*les or are bad influences? Even the social circles themselves matter.
Friends are friends, but you also are likely to mingle with much of his acquaintances, and he with yours. When you go out and mingle or network, you’ll be introduced to a lot of people. Are those people whom you want to know? Dating someone new is great because it opens you up to a new part of reality that you weren’t previously privy to. But is that a reality you want to live in?
Life Goals.
What we want to do with our lives defines us just as well as it defines the life that we will lead. Those that are goal-oriented and highly driven do best with partners who mirror such traits. Being with a driven person if you are not driven is difficult because you will expect more of that person’s time – time which he or she can’t give you. And vice versa. The goals themselves are also very important because they often dictate the types of lives we can possibly lead.
When you choose to go after something, there is a certain life that you will need to be okay with. When you are with someone, he also will need to be okay with it because otherwise he won’t be in it for the long run. If your life goals require you to move to a different country, travel constantly or spend a whole lot of time away, then let’s hope your partner can happily live with it.
Not everyone wants to move to Europe, or to another state for that matter. If you’re always dating men with the same types of life goals then you may need to widen your horizons a bit. It’s okay if you can’t live a life he wants to live – that’s your right.
Intelligence.
If you’re one of those women who like their men a bit dumber, then be honest with yourself and admit it. If that never seems to work, however, then maybe you need someone a bit brighter in your life. Or, if you’re the type of woman who always goes for guys with PhDs, then maybe you should look for a different kind of smart.
There are geniuses in all arrays of life, doing all sorts of things with their lives. The important thing is to enjoy stimulating and pleasant conversations with the person you’re dating. If you’re not stimulated then… well, you’re not stimulated.
Personality.
There are guys who are super friendly and social, then there are those who keep more to themselves. Women seem to be attracted to a certain type. Why not try the other side for a change? Introverts and extroverts may vary in intensity, but you can surely love either type. One may seem more appealing, but it may only be until you get a taste of what you’ve been missing.
Different personality types can add a whole lot to our lives. For whatever reason, unfortunately, women seem to be set in their ways and always go for a similar personality type to that of the guys they just broke up with. I don’t see the logic…
Level Of Empathy.
People vary greatly in this area – especially men. There are those who can empathize almost completely. And then there are those who are basically sociopaths who are lacking that trait entirely. A man’s empathy is crucial to keep in mind because, let’s be honest ladies, without empathy, a man will never understand you.
Guys who empathize more make better partners because they will be more caring. They will be capable of understanding you better, understanding the little emotions that you may have, and most importantly, they won’t be assh*les about all of it. Those who can’t empathize often seem more attractive, but only because they seem to play hard to get.
But they’re not playing; they’re actually very hard to get. And then even when you have them, you don’t really have them. This may work for some women – who knows. But make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into and make sure you’re not repeating all the same mistakes.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo Elite Daily
Did all the above, waited for him for four years and he chose a Russian bride instead, sometimes NOTHING and I mean nothing works no matter what you do.
I think the capacity for empathy is HUGE – not just on the level of individual relationships, but on the level of understanding the current challenges in hetero-normative relationships. The angry and dismissive voices in the “entitlement feminist” crowd are really a doppleganger of the angry and dismissive voices often found in the MRA crowd. Both lack the empathy to see that the concerns and complaints of the other are often justified based on an unbiased look at sociological facts. Based on those facts, one would think that GMP is really a forum where it’s possible to blog from both… Read more »
I would add another category of communication style or degree of communication that a partner prefers. I’ve found that discrepancies in this area make having a relationship rather difficult. I like to date men who like to share everything but I have dated a few who are very closed-off and who only have a few topics that are okay to talk about. Emotional intimacy or degree of contentedness might be another way of looking at it.
This article kind of goes hand-in-hand with the three questions to know if you’re in love. I was rather analytical about my dating life, and made a conscious effort not to repeat the same mistake twice. I also grew up as the only girl in a house with my father and brother, so I had a realistic idea of what guys were about. So far I’ve been happily married for seven years. I have a friend who dates the exact same guy over and over: same physical look, same style, same attitude, and treats her the same appallingly crappy way.… Read more »
While on the surface I agree entirely with your topic, I do think the same goes entirely the same for Men. I Know. I’ve done it. I’m currently dating someone who is totally different from everyone I’ve ever dated before. She’s pretty amazing… because she actually has the qualities that I wanted all along and she shares most of my values. Maybe she values religion a little more than I do, and her propensity for not investigating things she reads online thoroughly before sharing them on facebook kind of bugs me.. everything else is great. But she doesn’t really fit… Read more »
I don’t think the author was implying that someone should date someone completely counter to what they find attractive. I think a lot of people, men especially, fall into the trap of over idealized, fantasy expectations about how women should look though. For me, chemistry is a bigger indicator of attraction then some standard group of looks. The author also focused on 7 other objectives. The majority of your post mainly focused on how your partner doesn’t meet your visual expectations. Pitting her up against what I can only guess is how you perfer her to look and dress. You… Read more »
“I think it’s a good thesis but I would like to see you add more detail on how women could try and find guys who are both good people, good to them, and aren’t completely counter to what they find attractive.” Do not worry. Women in general are not that shallow when it comes to looks. Well, not even us gay/bi men are like most heretosexual males; all of us, females of all sexual orientations and gay/bi males go more after the “chemistry” than ideal types. Most of us can compromise a lot in that aspect, or better yet, we… Read more »
I can totally get on board with this list. Its really good. I’ve learned for myself that when it comes to looks, it’s more about chemistry then any kind of “type”. I do tend to have soft spot for men with puppy dog eyes and big roman noses but I’ve certainly been attracted to men without those features as well. And actually, I have on ex that I certainly fell in love with more than anyone else and he was probably the least socially attractive man out of all the men I dated. But I was actually most attracted to… Read more »