On Being a Man

Merriam Webster defines masculinity as “the quality or nature of the male sex”. It is a broad definition. The quality or nature of a male or female is a very different matter than the biological designation of male or female and is defined by cultural values.

Consider the scientific explanation of the human evolutionary process from which the female and male differentiated. Nature perpetuated Her creation of the species we call humans. Nature determined males to carry the sperm to fertilize the egg. Nature determined females to become the container for nourishing the development of the organism.

In our remote history because women were destined to pregnancy, probably almost constantly, and to the nourishment and caring for the babies and children, they were vulnerable and needed protection. Men evolved strong muscles and developed skills in order to be their protector. They had to be aggressive, to defend and protect. Women were dependent on this protection.

As societies and civilization evolved, different customs and values developed around the roles men and women would have. But for most of the evolution of humans, it was the role of the men to be dominant. They could maintain that role because of their physical strength and women continued to maintain their role of caring for the children. Of course, there were always exceptions to this. Many women did not adhere to that dependent role, never married and never had children. And societies and cultures evolved to develop a variety of roles for men and women based on evolved values.

According to Norman E. Himes, a sociologist who studied the history and development of birth control in the world, most methods of birth control in antiquity were ineffective. In 1960 with the invention of enovid, the first easy, safe, and accessible birth control pill, women’s roles began a drastic change. The freedom of deciding when or if to have a child permitted other freedoms, such as developing careers and becoming independent from a husband for their livelihood. This also began to change the role of men in Western cultures. Their role as protector began to be challenged.

This deeply ingrained role in human history of men being the protectors is a defining masculine role. It calls up images of warriors and men of large stature, muscles and strength. Superman became the icon of the hero. To be vulnerable became likened to failure.

Our consciousness regarding being a man continues to evolve. To be manly is different than to be masculine. In 1993 Jon Katz wrote How Boys Become Men, an article for Glamour Magazine in which he wanted women to know why it is so difficult for men to make friends or to acknowledge their fears and problems. He pointed out that in the culture of boys there is the fear of being vulnerable, lest one be ostracized or even tortured physically and emotionally.

Much has changed since Glamour published that article. As a culture we are redefining what it is to be a man. We are moving toward no longer having to prove ourselves by having muscles or physical strength, or to dominate. We are beginning to trust our vulnerabilities with other men. To be a man is not to ridicule, or exploit the vulnerabilities of others. Recently I asked a friend I met at the gym “What makes a man?”. I liked his answer. He said to be a man is to have integrity.

To be a man is to have the emotional courage to stand up for what is right. To be a man is not only to defend but also to have kindness and compassion and love for our neighbors. To be a man is to offer a helping hand and to accept a hand, but only when needed. And yes, it is to be a protector, a protector of constitutional freedoms and a promoter of justice and peace. To be a man is to do the right thing.

Fortunately, the USA has been relieved of a president who does not understand this developing consciousness. We suffered through a presidency which exploited the history of masculinity as the idea of what is to be a man, a president. Apparently, there is a major section of our national population who continue to believe in this idea.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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