A mom discovers her son is calling his dad’s girlfriend ‘Mom’ and turns to Dear Dad for advice.
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Dear Dad,
heck, I’m 40 and I won’t call my mother-in-law ‘Mom’ as I already have a Mom—but I also don’t want to disrespect her, so I often just refer to my mother-in-law as: “Will you please pass the gravy?”, or “Hey, can I help you with that bag?”
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I wish I had more information about your specific situation to most appropriately give you advice (what does your son refer to your fiance as?). Based on the details you provided and my experience answering questions of this nature—it is not acceptable for your son to call his father’s girlfriend of one year ‘Mom’, and you should immediately put the kibosh on him doing so.
My advice is to have your son and ex and ex’s girlfriend come up with a title which is more respectful than calling her by name, but more appropriate to her role (and, while I don’t know your specific feelings about your ex’s girlfriend, I suggest that you should probably not vote on her new title). I would bridge this subject with a sense of camaraderie and in the least combative way possible. This is an opportune time for you all to act as the partners you will be in raising your children in your new blended family.
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Photo: Flickr/Official U.S. Navy Page
Originally appeared on: Dear Dad
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I have a similar situation and I struggle with how to handle it. My ex husband and I got married 5 months after meeting. We were married for 10 years and have two teenager daughters. He married a second time shortly after we divorce. He had only known her for a few months and they divorced after 3 years. Recently he started dating my neices best friend. She is 20 years younger than him and 6 years older than our daughters. My girls adore her and at times I do get a bit jealous of the time they spend with… Read more »
I’m with Seth Gray on this. Talk with the kid first, and try to understand his position without giving orders. I have a bunch of nieces and nephews, and vitually all of them have at one point or another referred to me as dad. And I don’t think that either them, me or any of their “real” parents are any worse off because of it. In act, one of the niecesI took on a camping tripwhen she was about ten, she went into a long description about how she was going to call me dad for the duration of our… Read more »
I have been the child that you are talking about and I’ve been the father of children that have had to deal with both what to call my second wife, as well as what to call my step-mom. I always just called my step-mom by her name. And a big part of that was that she was never really motherly towards me. Especially once my half-brother (her son), came into the picture when I was 11yo. I also always called my mom’s long time boyfriend by his name. Now, I did call my step-mom’s parents grandma and grandpa. But, that… Read more »
Technically I have been a stepfather for over 30 years but I have, never, ever used that term and dislike it intensely. I would never consider my wife’s three oldest kids as “step” anything and I feel that the term itself implies some sort of lesser status for them and for me. For the first few years of my marriage my kids referred to me by my first name and slowly it morphed into Dad. In my own personal situation I have well earned that honor. My 3 older kids are no different in my heart as my 2 younger… Read more »
Tough situation. But what seems to be missing from the conversation is any input from the kid. He didn’t choose for his parents to get divorced. He didn’t choose his parents’ new significant others. I’d suggest talking with the son and gently try to understand why he’s calling the girlfriend “mom.” If it’s the ex and/or the gf pressuring him to do so, yes. It should be stopped. If it was the son’s idea, why stop it? Because Mom and nobody else can be? Nah. When we get divorced, we put our kids through a lot. Then, when we introduce… Read more »