One Last Letter

Dear You,

I know things did not end well between us. You were scared, I was overwhelmed. But somewhere didn’t we know that this was gonna end?

And maybe that is the hardest part you know. When you come to realise that things have gone beyond repair. When you know that one more conversation won’t fix this, one more week cannot make things right.

When you realise that even if we love each other, that won’t be enough. Because only love is never enough, is it?

I remember one day you telling me there can only be two scenarios between us. Either we will be together for the rest of our life or we will completely stop talking.

I just smiled. Well it did hurt. It hurt to even think of a life without you at that time. And anyways I was always optimistic, so I chose option one.

But these last few weeks, they have been a real rollercoaster.

Sometimes I am angry, sometimes I am sad, sometimes I am okay too like nothing happened.

Somedays I blame you, somedays I blame myself that I am the fool, somedays I blame nothing and just accept.

Somedays I sleep early. And somedays I just cannot sleep.

And when I sit with my loneliness, we wonder together, are you still thinking about me? Do you feel the same things that I am feeling? Or are you just okay and moving on with life?

Then I tell my loneliness, does it even matter? Stop thinking. And then we sit again.

There are so many times I just want to reach out to you, whenever something good happens, I have this urge to tell it to you first.

Then I remember, the door is closed. The time has changed.

And it hurts you know, it really does.

But deepdown, I really really hope that you do not remember us for the hard times. Yes they were a part of us. The situation we were in, we both knew what was best.

But I want you to remember us for the happy memories. The movies we saw together. The books I read to you. The songs we listened to together. The late night walks we took together, holding hands. The coffee we shared.

I want you to remember our story as a happy one.

Sure you can hold anger and grudges, I won’t deny. I do too.

But that does not mean what we had was not real.

And I hope things will be okay again.

And this is the last letter I’ll ever write to you. Because writing about you is not helping me you know.

I used to tell you, give me pain and I would write. I actually never wanted it to become true.

But life rarely goes as planned and here we are.

I wish you good, not good. Best.

Goodbye.

You.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.