One of my good friends, Keisha called me yesterday. She was worried about why her boyfriend is feeling disappointed in her.
Apparently, Raymond, her boyfriend said to her — “What is the use of explaining things to you?”
. . .
I wasn’t actually surprised. Keisha could be my friend, but this girl has one horrible toxic trait in her — Assumptions.
She assumes everything around her in the most negative way possible. If her boyfriend is late, she assumes he has other girls. If he talks little too long to a friend, she thinks he is planning to avoid her.
Her behavior is not limited to her boyfriend, but even for her friends. If we don’t call her for a few days she assumes that we have forgotten her and have started to hang out with other friends. And then she acts up as if we committed a murder.
It makes us anxious and so many people have abandoned her and stopped being her friends because of this very reason.
So I asked her what exactly happened between her and her bf.
“Raymond asked me to meet him in this cafe, and he didn’t turn up.”
“So?” I asked, “Did you ask him why?”
“Yeah, he said he got an emergency Lap Chole(Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy), and he didn’t have time to inform me.”
“So? He is a surgeon, what could you expect?” I said.
“Yes, but I told him — Maybe you have other girls, that’s why you don’t wanna meet me!” she exclaimed, “And then he said — What is the use of explaining to you! and hung up on me.”
“C’mon why?” I was pissed off. “This is exactly what is wrong with you!”
I mean who can ever predict a schedule of a surgeon?
“I didn’t think too much! I was angry and I said it. Why does he make such a scene out of it?”
“You are the one making a scene here Keisha!” I said. “Keep making assumptions to make him feel nervous and anxious, you are gonna lose Raymond very soon!”
“What do you know Bhathiya, girls are possessive when it comes to their guys!” she said and hung up on me.
Is it really?
Should girls or, anyone be possessive of their partners that much? When you are overtly possessive about your partner it can easily lead to unhealthy assumptions and lose the peace of your relationship.
So the one thing you should never do is, ASSUME!
I cannot emphasize this enough. Don’t ever jump into conclusions unless you are sure about what you are saying. Always ask questions with true curiousity, and base your opinions on tangible evidence.
What you should do?
The one secret I’ve found for a long-lasting relationship is PEACE!
Yes, give your partner the peace and calmness they deserve in life.
The world is full of anxiety and stresses in life, and if you can be that one person who can make your partner feel at peace and at home, consider your relationship would last really long.
For that, you need to do 3 simple things.
1. Ask
Always ask what happened. It is 100 times better to ask and know than assuming what happened. If they did something that hurt you, ask them why did they do it. Wes there a genuine reason for the mistake, or was it deliberate?
2. Listen
When they start to reason out, listen carefully. Do not cut them off while they explain. Don’t shout and accuse them with your assumptions. It can make anyone uncomfortable and anxious when dubious accusations are made against them. Nobody likes to have palpitations while explaining things to their partner.
3. Understand
Once you listen, always match it with the context. Try to understand the situation by giving them the benefit of the doubt. Unless you have caught them red-handed lying to you or cheating, you do not have any fair reason to not accept their reasons at once.
You can ask them for further details, instead of shouting or accusing. Don’t show your anger or even passive aggression, which includes sarcastic comments, avoiding them, or playing the victim among many.
Always give them a bright smile, and reassure them. Show them you are an understanding person.
. . .
I have no idea if Keisha will ever learn her lesson, but I know one thing — if she is going to continue this toxic behavior she is going to lose her boyfriend, just like she lost several of her friends.
Have you ever heard the saying, ‘Strict parents make the best liars’? It is applicable to partners as well. The stricter you are to your partner, the higher the chance they will lie to you, and nobody wants a lying partner.
But if you try to ASK, LISTEN and UNDERSTAND, you can make your partner feel very much at home with you, which in turn would turn them honest, resulting in a healthy long-lasting relationship.
So the one thing you need to do to keep your relationship long-lasting is to always act in such a way that your partner doesn’t feel anxious.
Kick away the anxiety to make them feel at home with you, and they will make their home in you for a long time to come.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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