How much do our attitudes about life affect our potential to have a relationship?
Welcome to the age of endless options and unlimited swipes.
We are all well aware that our generation’s way of dating is unique.
We communicate through screens, easily hide our true feelings and participate in a series of never-ending games. More so, we have pre-configured mindsets on love and dating.
While some of us are eager to connect, the rest of us would rather commit to all six seasons of “Lost,” before settling down with one person.
Despite our personal habits and preferences, there’s one question that still remains. How heavily do our attitudes affect our potential to have a relationship?
Typically, there are two different groups we land in: the optimists and the pessimists.
Optimists and pessimists usually create a divide within our society. A pessimist, by definition, believes the evil or hardships in life outweigh the good or luxuries.
On the other end of the spectrum, we define an optimist as one who tends to look on the more favorable side of events and expects the most desirable outcome.
While the pessimists are constantly anticipating the worst, optimists are only envisioning the best.
Of course, someone can be optimistic about work and at the same time, extremely pessimistic when it comes to love.
Although most studies show optimism has its health benefits, the let-down is far easier with some good ol’ pessimistic thinking.
So what if an optimist falls for a pessimist? Or vice versa?
For the vast majority who are stuck in their ways, many might view dating his or her opposite as a force not to be reckoned with.
After all, changing somebody else’s attitude is even harder (if not damn near impossible) than changing your own.
In a perfect world, we would all be realists. But, perfect is hardly a word we use to describe our world — especially when it comes to commitment and relationships.
So, which side do we pick? Which mindset is the “right” one when it comes to playing the dating game?
“I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You’ve think you won because women are expendable to you.
“You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way, but you don’t fall in love that way either. You have not won. You’re alone. I may do a lot of stupid sh*t, but I’m still a lot closer to love than you are.”
— “He’s Just Not That Into You”
Optimists are motivated by their dreams and enjoy making big things happen.
They are the ones in the pilot seats, and when it comes to dating, they are the ones who go for it. They operate on blind ambition and a hell of a lot of hope.
While this may sound negatively connoted, these qualities translate to confidence in the dating world, which brings me to my next point: Confidence is hot and pretty much always works in your favor.
Optimists know what they want and they don’t keep their hearts locked in cages.
They’re go-getters who only want the real thing and are never afraid to try for it.
Plus, one of the oldest adages in the book says, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” (Thank you, Wayne Gretzky.)
The optimists might experience a wider range of emotions and get hurt more often, but at least they have faith.
As long as they don’t get lost in their own version of reality, they are pretty good at getting knocked down and getting back up again.
In the dating world, Pessimists don’t like to waste their time wondering if the person they are seeing likes him or her.
They aren’t plucking daisies reciting, “He loves me, he loves me not.”
They have already decided, all men are assh*les and all women are crazy. They would most likely rather have pizza than deal with real feelings.
Pessimists impose purposeful ignorance and are particularly good at fooling themselves. Often, they protect their hearts and keep their guards up because there is no such thing as love, and the odds say that most relationships fail anyway, right?
A true pessimist does not understand why anyone would want to put him or herself out there because “caring” only leads to stress and over analyzing.
Even worse, you become invested in something that hasn’t even begun.
C’mon, who would willingly want to put him or herself out there and risk the unbearable, unendurable, unsupportable, never-ending feeling they call heartbreak?
In their minds, it’s much easier to close themselves off and go along with the “corrupt” hook-up culture. They give up and keep their options readily available.
Truthfully, there is no “right” mindset. But whichever side of the spectrum you see yourself on, it’s a good idea to take some advice from the other.
Rip out a page from their book. By having both yin and yang qualities within, your love life will withhold a healthy and balanced outlook.
Optimists: Guard your hearts a little better or you’ll end up with quite a mess. Not everyone deserves a piece of it, so treat it like a prize. Think of it as the Stanley Cup or a limited-edition Birkin bag.
Pessimists: Let your feelings out of their cages once in a while. Stop being chicken and give the guy with the husky a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised.
Originally published at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
Taylor is a student at the Fashion Institute of Technology. She is still convinced her acceptance letter from Hogwarts got lost in the mail. She lives off pizza, escapes through books, and never turns down an ice-cold craft beer.
Photo: George Erws/Flickr