So you were chatting with this guy you just matched on one dating App. You thought it was a really good and uplifting conversation that you both continued talking about for another month.
At this point, you’re so invested emotionally. It’s hard not to catch feelings when you have an intense frequency of talking to somebody day in and day out.
But then, in the second month, he ghosted you. You don’t know what the heck happened. All of a sudden, he cut all contact and refused to text or call you.
He didn’t even pick up your call!
And the weird thing about all of this is that you keep seeing his name popping up on your social media. Every time you post a story on Instagram, he’d always be the first one who sees it.
He likes every photo you upload and is even still friends with you on all of your social media channels.
This left you confused as f*ck — what the heck he wants, right?
In today’s modern dating, that’s what people call “orbiting.” As upsetting as this term sounds, it does exist, and you aren’t the one who feels like you’re being played.
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What’s orbiting?
One of the Men’s Health articles explains orbiting,
“Like ghosting, orbiting is when you break off direct contact with someone you’re dating, but you continue to engage with their content on social media. You like their Instagram posts. You favorite their tweets. You watch their Snapchat stories.”
I know it sounds crazy to some people and makes them even more attached to the orbiter because the fact that they’re still in your life can drive you nuts.
You’d be mad, upset, and frustrated. When someone isn’t aware of this behavior yet, they’ll think the almost-ex partner still likes them.
Imagine someone left you without a single goodbye. You’re heartbroken and now have to deal with looking for a new partner again on the same dating app.
But then, every time you open your social media, be it Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, they’re there. So practically, they’re still in your life and watching you suffer.
Orbiting is another way for them to say that they don’t want to let you go completely but refuse to keep you in their real life at the same time.
You’re not wrong to think that this is so unfair for those who got “orbited.” As if getting ghosted isn’t enough. Now you have to deal with their shadows after the not-so-official breakup.
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What does it mean for you?
“Pre-internet, if someone ghosted but was curious about the ghostee, there wasn’t a way to check upon them. Now we can do it in less than a second.” — ANNA IOVINE.
“Does it mean this person still wants me? Should I keep trying to contact them? What if they’re currently having problems and have no time to talk to me? If they no longer like me, why would they still watch my Story on Insta, right?“
If you have any of those thoughts running around in your head, please stop and take a step back.
I know it doesn’t make sense for him to stay engaged on your social media presence but nothing in real life, but at this point, you also need to know your own worth.
Or remind yourself that you’re worth more than this type of person. If he can do it to you, then there’s no doubt he does it to someone else too.
I’ve dated some uncommitted men in the past, and if there’s one thing they have in common is this: they come and go whenever they like it.
You don’t get to know how long they’ll stay in your life, but they know how to make you come back to them. Things they do to get your back can get shady sometimes, but it’s hard to see when you’re so madly in love with them.
Orbiting is, of course, one of them. Sure, in their defense, they need time to “figure things out,” but do you actually think it’s worth the wait?
People like this won’t ever give you closure because they’re afraid they might want you back someday, so it’s better to keep it on the “list.”
So you need to get your own closure. Block them on your social media, and never allow yourself to be confused by something that’s already so clear.
Get your sanity back. Focus on the things or people who genuinely care about you and never leave your sides.
Trust me, someone who wants you will do anything to stay in your life. You don’t even have to keep guessing. The effort shows.
So stop telling lies to yourself that this person who’s orbiting you is going through a phase or whatever because it’s never the case.
If you matter enough to them, you won’t even have this problem in the first place.
Know your worth.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
