During this pandemic, are your relationships and friendships feeling strained and distanced?
Are you finding yourself more emotional and frustrated than usual when other people express themselves in ways that collide with your values and principles?
Now more than ever, there is a pervasive divisiveness that has made its way into our relationships and friendships. People tend to be more vocal about the myriad of news topics that are showing up in the social media feeds and news broadcasts.
The polarization seems to be the result of pent up frustration that many people have not figured out how to express appropriately. There was a time when different opinions and perspectives did not result in attacks and violence like they do today.
It seems now that some of the extreme scenarios involving disagreements between people include being betrayed by other people, getting divorced from our spouses, or being physically assaulted by complete strangers or someone in our household. All of these situations have dire consequences.
People have held opposing opinions for as long as people have communicated with each other. What has been lost in this era is the ability and willingness to listen to another person and seek to understand their values and principles.
More often than not, when someone hears something that is challenging to their own perspectives they react with a defensive statement or attack. That puts in motion the conflict of us versus them which ignites the ego’s need to be right, in some cases at any cost.
When the ego is activated by not being seen or heard by another person, it only knows how to attack and do everything it can to win.
When people are seen and heard, they feel safe and respected which might lead to a higher level of understanding of another person’s opposing opinions.
All too often the conflicts that arise from opposing opinions between people could be handled differently. With the goal of listening to other people so that they feel seen and heard might very well change the entire scenario and its outcomes.
People with opposing opinions rarely invest the time in researching and validating their opinions and tend to react versus respond when they hear something that contradicts their beliefs.
If people go back to the basics and rely on the ABCs that follow, they might find these in particular will support them in continuing conversations that avoid negative consequences and outcomes.
Assert the Facts of a situation or scenario. Share vetted facts when responding and interacting with someone who sees things in ways that are opposite to you. Facts are embedded in numbers and other data that can be verified and validated, avoid using your opinions which can be argued and challenged.
Believe the Evidence from the past that supports your perspective. When you look to the past for the evidence that supports your opinions, you have added a supportive element that is not present with your thoughts alone.
Cover the Proof when addressing your reasons for believing what you believe. The proof can not typically be refuted when it is based on the facts and evidence. Proof is a powerful tool when stating your position on any number of topics.
None of the information shared in these ABCs is intended to try to change the other person’s perspective or opinions, it is more about laying out your rationale for your perspective. In this aspect, you keep the focus on your understanding of the situation or topic and not defending your position.
In addition to testing the ABCs for yourself to see the outcomes that they create for you and other people, you must be willing to listen to other people’s opposing opinions in such a way as to make them feel seen and heard. Sending a message of anything less than I respect you enough to see you and listen to you might very well result in an escalated conflict.
When people accept some underlying assumptions about why they are in a relationship or friendship with another person, they might just find that they accept and love that other person for things that have nothing to do with the opposing opinions.
During this COVID-19 pandemic with its distancing guidelines and mandates, it seems like many people are searching for ways to feel connected to their family and friends. Coming together is more about who we are and how we best show up in life for ourselves and other people.
In some small way, applying these ABCs has the potential to avoid conflict and deepen the relationships and friendships we are so fortunate to experience in our lives.
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