3 Common Mistakes You Make When You Meet a New Prospective Partner

Have you started dating or talking to someone new, but you’re wondering how things are progressing?

It’s not always obvious.

You wonder how well the date(s) went, try to gauge someone’s interest level, and try your hardest not to fall on your face.

We want to put our best foot forward to propel the best possible outcome for the new dynamic, but sometimes, doing it causes the problems we face.

I know it feels like you’re doing the correct things: staying curious and engaged, setting up a time to meet face-to-face, and trying to show extra effort to get to know someone.

It can turn to overkill if you don’t take the right approach, and the things you thought were sweet displays can come off as looking creepy.

You don’t have to wonder why communication fell off either because attraction did along with it.

Meeting someone new is exciting, but it is also the time when you have to be aware of the steps you’re taking.

Dating doesn’t work the same way it did twenty years ago. People have options to move on the second they perceive a yellow flag.

It sounds shallow, but it’s true.

Let’s look at some things we can dodge before mistakes arise.

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The storyline

One of the things I see most often when talking to clients or friends is playing the guessing game of what signs and signals mean.

Sometimes, they are valid, but I notice people try to create a narrative without getting an explanation from the person they are dating.

For example, I hear stories about people texting back and forth in the initial stages, and when the pace and frequency slow down, it sends a red flag in that person’s perception.

Somehow, this translates to the person losing interest and no longer wanting to see them.

Slow down and take a breath.

I am paraphrasing, but I remember reading that we are incorrect in our assumptions about why someone didn’t answer the phone over 85% of the time.

That same stat works out in your dating life.

Our past experiences affect us and carry over to the next person. What we remember from an experience has to be true in the following dynamic.

You are most likely wrong in the assumptions you are making.

Because we haven’t communicated our concerns, it displays itself in the energy you reciprocate.

Now you are in a battle of trying to match someone move-for-move rather than staying the course.

It’s a recipe for disaster. Stop playing the assumption game.

Take a break

The next mistake I see people make comes in two different forms, but both revolve around too much contact.

Remember, this is new. We want to keep it fresh and exciting.

Well, there are two ways to ruin that in the early stages of dating:

1) Texting back and forth all day without targeting a face-to-face meet-up or quick interaction.
2) Hitting it off with someone but organizing too many dates in the early stages.

I have written about this before, but texting is not a way to get to know someone. The main objective of texting is to get someone face-to-face. A rule I like to use is nothing that can be asked on a date should be over text.

Get a date set up and leave mutual curiosity alive.

When you meet someone new and hit it off, I know how badly you want to see them again as quickly as possible.

Again, slow down.

When you meet someone new, stick to a date a week until things progress.

I am not giving you a guide to give someone the runaround and deny access to your time. I am preventing you from giving one unlimited access to your time from the start.

Your availability is valuable to someone interested in you; they will go above and beyond to gain access to more of your time and ensure it’s a unique experience when you are together.

Egg shell

It’s never too early to establish your needs and boundaries in a relationship, even in the early stages of dating.

We get nervous about telling someone because “it will run them off.”

Your nerves come from failing to generate a healthy form of communicating your boundaries and needs.

You must place action items behind them, or someone will not know how to fulfill you.

Telling someone you need communication does not give insight into what that looks like.

When you don’t accomplish that, you will build resentment, and the excitement and fluff of the new person will quickly evaporate.

It’s called the honeymoon phase for a reason.

We get so caught up in the allure and Disney Fairytale that we bypass the structure that creates a strong relationship.

You are not being needy and “extra” for your desire to establish these pillars of the relationship early on.

It is easier to have these discussions when you are not in conflict.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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