—
After my business partner and fellow dad, Tom Konecny, watched Disney’s Incredibles 2 trailer with his teenage daughter, he asked what she thought of the upcoming movie that will debut in June.
“The movie looks funny, but I noticed how the movie treated the dad as if he was clueless and an inadequate parent. What did Edna Mode mean by her words ‘Done properly, parenting is a heroic act… Done properly?”
Edna’s comment also caught my attention but more importantly raised concerns about Disney’s new movie and the way it portrays this generation of dads.
While I understand Disney’s executives may have had good intentions, they’ve been out of touch with the real dynamics and function of today’s families. More importantly, they broke one of the golden rules in marketing—“words matter.”
Aaron Shapiro, the author of “Users, Not Customers,” wrote, “Words matter because they betray deeper meaning.”
After I watched the Incredibles 2 trailer, I questioned Disney’s portrayal of dad as an inept parent and use of the last nine words in the trailer, “Done properly, parenting is a heroic act… Done properly,” which I feel, also offends moms.
◊♦◊
Watch it and decide for yourself.
◊♦◊
My first thought was why “Mr. Mom” all over again? That was 1983. This is 2018. In the last three decades, millions of at-home dad families have proven dads have been as capable as moms in the role of the primary caregiver as much as moms have been in their role as the primary breadwinner.
Dads have successfully learned how to care for a child, manage the household; and have also demonstrated their support for women to pursue their professional careers. Therefore, the mockery of dad as an inept parent also damages the credibility of a mom’s ability to be the primary breadwinner of the family and more importantly a valuable employee, especially at the corporate management level.
Despite the huge success of the role reversal in the parenting community, it is clear that Disney, as well as our culture, still struggles to fully embrace dads as competent caregivers and parents; and their valuable contribution towards gender equality in the workplace.
◊♦◊
My second thought was why Hollywood movie producers continue to place a dad in the role of the antagonist and dysfunctional parent?
Throughout the movie, a dad is often characterized as an absent parent, philanderer; or drug addict or alcoholic parent. Then at the end of the movie, there is a glimmer of hope that dad will finally turn his life around for the better and become a more involved parent. However, the audience leaves the theater never really knowing if the dad in the movie actually follows through on his promise to be a more active and competent parent.
Here is how Lera Boroditsky, a cognitive scientist at the University of California, San Diego explains the effects on the viewing audience with the stereotyping of dads as inept parents in a trailer, advertisement or a movie. Boroditsky shares how the significance of why words matter and how language changes our perceptions of the world.
There are two outcomes that happen when we don’t name or talk about something. Things that are named are the ones most likely to be thought about and to be visible in our consciousness. Though in principle we can think about lots of things, our actual attention span is very limited. As a result, the kinds of things we tend to think about are the ones that are named.
What viewers, in this case mostly children see throughout a movie is dad behaving as an inept and bumbling parent. When the audience, which also includes dads, leaves the movie theater that will be the image they see every time they see a dad in the real world.
◊♦◊
My third thought was what does Disney mean by “Done properly?”
Is Disney only directing the “Done properly” line at dads? We believe most people will interpret it this way. However, Disney used the word “parenting.” Therefore, here is why we feel it is fair to conclude this comment could also be viewed as a slap in the face to moms.
When dad is portrayed as an inept parent, it is a reflection on mom as she has a profound impact on deciding which man deserves to be the father of their child.
The comment also implies that mom must play Super parent to make up for a dad’s ineptness. It isn’t fair to place this kind of pressure on mom. In the case of the at-home dad family, in which the mom is the primary breadwinner, this is especially true as mom decided to entrust the care of the children with dad. Insult dad and you also offend mom.
As Tom and his daughter’s conversation demonstrate a movie that portrays dad as an inept parent might also have a negative effect on a child’s perspective of dads and moms as parents. As we all know, movies and television shows have a huge influence on children and how they perceive life. Making it appear as if dads are inept and offending moms at the same time does not serve the children well. Nor will it help to leave a better parenting legacy for the children who more than likely will become moms and dads one day.
◊♦◊
One might wonder if we are obsessing over nine words. But here is a story Wahn Yoon, a brand strategist and Harvard graduate, shared with his reading audience.
After 45 minutes of discussing the relative merits of the word “playful” vs. “spontaneous” in brand narrative, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Is it really worth obsessing over this one word?”
Then I remembered the wise words of an old mentor, “Choose your words wisely.” What she was trying to tell me was that the entire strategy—and the creative work that would result from it—could pivot on a single word.
Disney could have avoided what we feel is an offensive comment about parenting had their executives taken a brief moment to exercise some empathy by replacing the word parenting with motherhood or fatherhood. “Done properly, motherhood/fatherhood is a heroic act…. Done properly?:
The reality is that most moms and dads are properly doing a stand-up job. That is why I find it Incredible how Disney, who claims to be a children and family friendly company, didn’t properly do their homework before the release of this Incredibles 2 trailer.
If Disney decides to produce another animated movie about parenting and family, we suggest one that teaches the audience how to demonstrate equal love, respect and value for the unique and different roles moms and dads play as parents in today’s world.
Now that would be Incredible!
◊♦◊
Hogan Hilling and Tom Konecny are co-owners of Dad Marketing Consulting, LLC, and authors of, “DADLY Dollar$: How Marketing to Dads Will Increase Revenue and Strengthen Families.” Tom and Hogan are also the Founders of the #WeLoveMoms and #WeLoveDads Movement. Their mission is to spread Love and Optimism throughout the parenting community. Hilling is also a nationally recognized and OPRAH approved author of 12 published books, and founder of United We Parent. Hogan Hilling, P.O. Box 3763, Crestline, California 92325 [email protected] and [email protected] (949) 331-8119
—
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join like-minded individuals in The Good Men Project Premium Community.
◊♦◊
◊♦◊
Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.
◊♦◊
◊♦◊
Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.
♦◊♦
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
—
Photo credit: Getty Images
—