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It would be foolish and irresponsible if we ignored the occasional confusion that comes with having two moms. Having two people answer when his precious voice calls out “Momma!” would be a wild and mind-blowing response, wouldn’t it? He also has two Grannies and three Nanas. Raising a son is rewarding, challenging, hilarious, messy, sweet, gentle, rough, loud, quiet, soft, loving, infuriating, full of hugs and kindness for the world. He always ALWAYS takes up for the underdog, in any situation. He loves playing with cars and riding his scooter, playing games and chasing our dogs.
No one at his school, horse riding lessons, cub scouts, School of Rock or any other situation has been confused about him having two moms. In fact, quite the opposite happens. We are both known in his environments as a young child, because we make it a priority to be present and involved and known by the other adults that care for him: his teachers, his coaches, doctors, friends, parents of his friends and classmates, cub scout leaders, and the like. We are simply known as “Trevor’s parents” just as his classmates’ parents are known as “V’s parents” or “H’s parents.” When we set the tone for how we want to be perceived in the world, it communicates outwardly to others.
And this is precisely what we are teaching him. When we are confident, kind, loving, put-together and poised, this is the tone we communicate outwardly to the world. Every day, we cover the basics: brush your teeth and hair, wash your face, tuck your pockets in, speak clearly and confidently, mind your manners, read the room, be a leader, make good decisions before we have to step in, pick up after yourself, exercise mindfulness and awareness, and the list is ever-evolving.
When he was diagnosed with Autism as a toddler, it wasn’t promised, or even in the realm of possibilities that we would get to this point in his childhood, of having these minuscule by comparison concerns. Back then, simply getting through the day without a melt-down was a major milestone. Today, making sure all of the daily requirements are met, and he has a good day are the major milestones. Progressing towards balancing his beautiful mind and getting on in the world without our intervention and constant attention are regular checkpoints now. Getting his energy channeled into a healthy avenue and outlet is our next major challenge, as well as developing close friendships and deeper social connections.
Nowhere in his life does he experience a lack of a strong father figure, as we have many strong male role models actively present in his young life. Nowhere does he experience confusion by having two moms, as some might think would happen, as he is so deeply and actively loved and cared for, by us, and by our large family and group of friends. We expose him to new activities and environments, new foods, new knowledge, new ideas, new people and continually work with him to develop skills, hobbies, his personality and character. He spends time with his grandparents and extended family, and thoroughly enjoys cub scouts. His gentle spirit guides him through the world along with the loving, kind nature we send him out into it with.
Confidence, kindness, compassion, love, understanding, intelligence, good decision-making skills, honesty, trustworthiness and general goodness are what we aim to arm him with for the world at large. His budding masculinity will continue to develop as he grows up into his teenage and adulthood, and we will provide him with the tools and environments to best suit his needs.
Loved he is, confused, he is not.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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