A Portland-area teacher has an angry internet in fits after supposedly comparing peanut butter and jelly to ‘white privilege’. It’s time for America to wake up to the fact PB&Js aren’t all that good in the first place.
Angry internet people are up in arms after a Portland-area teacher linked peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to “white privilege”. Or at least that’s what angry internet people are saying. Here’s Verenice Gutierrez’s actual quote from the generally right-leaning Portland Tribune. And yes, there is such a thing as ‘right-leaning’ in Portland. I swear.
“What about Somali or Hispanic students, who might not eat sandwiches?” says Gutierrez, principal at Harvey Scott K-8 School, a diverse school of 500 students in Northeast Portland’s Cully neighborhood.
“Another way would be to say: ‘Americans eat peanut butter and jelly, do you have anything like that?’ Let them tell you. Maybe they eat torta. Or pita.”
I consider myself a moderate, and I get more annoyed than most at the crazy liberal weirdness my home city is known to spew from time to time, but what exactly about this comment is controversial? It’s a statement that could be summed up by getting kids to ask each other, “Hey, what kind of sandwiches do you eat in your culture?” ZOUNDS!!! It’s a slippery slope, people. First you start eating tortas, and the next thing you know you’ve got cocaine all over your Che Guevara t-shirt and you’re taking up arms against Banana Republic (and banana republics).
Look, I know peanut butter and jelly is an American tradition. But if you’re unwilling to experiment with pitas or tortas because you don’t want to buck convention, well, the joke’s on you. Even the crappiest torta is at least 100x better than PB&J. At least. Pitas, especially with some sort of perfectly spiced chicken and hummus, are, like, 70x better. Banh mi, choripan, the Scooch…nearly everything on Wikipedia’s awesome List of Sandwiches page is preferable to slathered peanut butter and jelly on white bread. We live in a bold new world where recipes and new sandwich ideas from across the globe are a click away. It’s time to find a new traditional American sandwich, and I say we take the best components of the world’s finest sandwiches (chimichurri, Vietnamese rolls, etc.) and create a Super American Sandwich, embracing all the tastiest aspects of American multiculturalism. (No, not the Dagwood. Only cartoon characters can eat that, silly.) That’s the great thing about America: we can take all sorts of stuff from other cultures and pretend we thought of it first.
The only sandwich culture we shouldn’t be paying attention to is the United Kingdom. All you need to innovate a British sandwiches is bread and one or two other items, like baked beans or crisps and pickles or just cucumbers. You don’t even need a decently sandwich delivery system! The Brits actually have a name for sandwiches with old, dried bread. No wonder English music and literary culture is so killer, because denizens of the British Isles certainly aren’t pouring their creativity into sandwich technology.
In conclusion, sandwiches are awesome.