Admittedly, there is no scientific proof that the pursuit of perfection is the #1 Killer of Men.
What I care about is giving men a wakeup call. A kick in the ass. It’s a come-to-Jesus—or whoever you worship—moment. I actually call it “a reckoning with our own insane,” intellectual ills that the pursuit of perfection is causing more than a fracture in our lives. Guys, it is truly killing us.
- The perfect car.
- The perfect abs.
- The perfect gal/guy.
- The perfect job.
- The perfect vacation.
- The perfect meditation.
- The perfect mindful thought.
Yes, even the pursuit of the perfect Zen state is killing us. It’s time to get of the perfection merry-go-round and get real with ourselves, and our lives. I know you know this intuitively, or at least I hope you do, but nothing is perfect. So why do you keep swallowing that pill that says, “This too will make your life perfect!” Stop it! Stop it, stop it, stop it.
Studies have shown that men are experiencing physiological impotence because of the stress they experience at work, home, and in relationships, and guess what…the pursuit of perfection is wrapped right up in there. But hey, let’s not show our stress because we can’t be perfect. Let’s instead retreat and withdraw and try to figure out ways to make life more perfect.
- How can I hit the perfect sales goals this year?
- What exercises do I need to ramp up to get the perfect abs?
- Who do I need to network with to land the perfect job?
- Blah, blah, blah, blah blah!
The pursuit of perfection is a waste of energy. Let’s put this in man talk you can understand: Gay or straight, we guys want to be with the perfect other. Heteros you want the perfect gal. Homos you want the perfect guy. Great. Nothing wrong with that.
Now let’s presume you land the perfect mate. You’re dating, and it’s time for the naked adventure you’ve been salivating over to commence. After all she/he is the perfect person and you can’t wait to get in their pants and have a little time for “I’ll show you mine, you show me yours, and together we have the perfect orgasm.” Again, your masculine, solely focused pursuit of perfection even extends between the sheets.
Clothes are flung hither and yon, meaning your Calvin’s landed a perfect hook shot and are now hanging from the corner of the mirror. Again that perfection thing shows up. Now there you lay, lust filled, engorged, and ready to be the perfect testimony to ERECTILE FUNCTION!
Cue the music, and let the suave, perfect, sex stud machine that you are take the reins, create the magic, find the g-spot, and last like the perfect stallion you are destined to be. It’s all perfectly happening as you planned, except, your penis isn’t playing perfectly. In fact, it’s limp. Dead man walking. Not rising to the occasion. The perfect penis is nowhere to be found.
It happens guys and we all know it. A majority of the time it happens because we have put to much emphasis on PERFECTION. In fact, you could pretty much change this little story I just painted, changing the characters to job, family, sales, butt, it really doesn’t’ matter.
When we pursue PEFECTION, we pursue the impossible. You know this, I know this, everyone knows this, but we keep doing it, and we keep getting disappointed.
Instead, let’s execute a little perfection detox.
1. Let good enough be good enough. When you allow the good enough to guide you, you actually get more done, for most things. Maybe not open heart surgery, but think about the things you think have to be perfect and instead ask, “Can this be good enough and it be ok?”
2. Cut the crap. If you’re pursuing perfection to impress, get known, have a following, etc. CUT THE CRAP! Very few, truly amazing people pursue perfection. Instead, they pursue reality.
3. Go for (BLANK) instead. If you took perfection out of the equation, what would you pursue instead? Happiness? Joy? Connection? Less stress? The pursuit of anything other than PERFECTION is probably easier to achieve, simply because there really is no achieving perfection. You can get close to perfection, but imagine how much less stressed you’d feel in the pursuit of other things, provided you don’t put them under the same pressure to achieve as perfection.
4. Ask why, and be real in your response. Simon Sinek, author of Start with Why, is always my go-to guy when getting into these deep conversations about what we do. Ask yourself “Why do I pursue perfection?” But don’t bullshit yourself. Be raw and real. The more you bluff, the more you fluff yourself into submission. The more focused you get to answering the question of “Why,” the sooner you will flush out the garbage your feeding yourself, and get to the truth of what you want to pursue that really isn’t PERFEECTION.
5. Learn from the past, forget about the future. Take the time, go back to your past, even if it scares the crap out of you and look at what’s happened when you’ve tried to pursue PERFECTION in the past. Did it work? We’re you giddy with happiness? Did people call you an asshole? Our past is our best playbook and can show us what we need to do now. Then, of course, there is the future. It’s the culprit that causes many of us to pursue PERFECTION. But hey, don’t hold the future responsible for your happiness. Someday, when everything is perfect, rarely happens. Go for the now. What is right with your world now. Heck, what is perfect, or as close to perfect in your world right now? Love on that and see what starts to shift.
The irony of PERFECTION is it is actually a distraction. It’s the thing that keeps us from doing what needs to be done right now, and seeing what we don’t want to see. It is a pipe dream of false hope, that gets smoked way to often that only leads to disappointment.
Instead, when we give ourselves PERMISSION to pursue life with all its damn imperfections that we truly get our rocks off and quit killing ourselves. Ponder that for a moment guys and then go do something imperfect today and enjoy the journey of being perfectly imperfect! Now that’s living your Life (UN)Closeted.
Photo credit: Getty Images