I came across a thread that made me reflect on my approach to responding to strangers.
One user shared – My newfound kink is getting blocked by fellow Gen X men who complain about me saying the Masters of the Universe movie is campy.
They argued vehemently that the cartoon was campy trash made to sell toys, not some high art anime. adding – “Suck it up, buttercup. Your memory is failing, and your toxic masculinity is showing.”
While I partially agreed with the user’s perspective, the thread also made me question if that’s the kind of person I want to be online.
Do I want to be a pugilist, constantly arguing and criticizing others?
Is that who I am or aspire to become? Is that only mirroring the toxicity?
And what lessons can I learn from this experience to become more positive and productive in my interactions?
As I processed these thoughts, rapid fire in my ADHD-addled brain the following came out pretty much verbatim below:
“What’s wrong with camp? I wouldn’t go so far as to call it trash. Many people have fond memories of childhood campy kids’ TV shows that were only meant to sell toys. I do.
Sometimes, those memories turn out to be the best times spent with loved ones or siblings who, as we grow older, are no longer around.
People can get triggered, especially men who aren’t known for their emotional vulnerability.
I remember when they killed off Optimus Prime in the Transformers movie because Hasbro wanted to discontinue the Generation One characters and sell more toys. It was a huge mistake. Fans were devastated.
Kids wept openly over a crappy show meant to sell toys because of Peter Cullen’s strong yet compassionate portrayal of a sentient Tractor trailer.
It’s utter nonsense.
I’m not saying that rude behavior to strangers is acceptable, but first strikes and counterattacks are the only way some men interact with the world. And that’s sad. I feel for spouses and children in that situation with men who cant engage without getting enraged.
Yet, as the legendary leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime taught generations of kids that freedom is the right of all sentient beings and that true strength comes from protecting the weak, acting with empathy, and leading through self-sacrifice. What better example of non-toxic masculinity is there than that?
Academic studies in organizational behavior have even shown that Transformers served as an early blueprint for children to understand positive, collaborative leadership.
Now, I’m not here to defend toxic men who lash out at you or jerks who come at you without saying good morning.
I’m a Black man on social media, and I have a thick skin. But, if you bother to scratch the surface, these overreactions probably come from pain and unresolved trauma.
I’m not saying that rude behavior to strangers is acceptable, but first strikes and counterattacks are the only way some men interact with the world. And that’s sad. I feel for spouses and children in that situation with men who cant engage without getting enraged.
Men need more tools to process their emotions. Everyone agrees. Unfortunately, many men don’t learn how to do that.
So, as a fellow “enlightened” man, I’m asking you to unclench your fist. After all, you said it yourself, it’s only a campy show to sell toys.”
Now, I haven’t as yet received a response, and I don’t necessarily need one. However, I felt more positive about that interaction compared to many others on threads. I protected my peace and perhaps was an example to others that not everything is a struggle for survival.
Kindness, even if it’s not reciprocated, is free. And always benefits the giver.
I genuinely believe that something has to change. For people to live emotionally healthy lives. We all have to make an effort to not only heal each other as men but also continue to heal ourselves.
Therefore, I’ve made a personal commitment to myself and strive for my responses to be – honest, necessary and kind in my own thread feed.
Follow me and let me know how I’m doing. @instayarde
Art Credit-Mattel
