I said this in my last story: I need someone who doesn’t need me. And I meant it.
Last night, I sat across from man who I wouldn’t normally date, who was 6 years older than me, who was still conventionally attractive but not my physical type, and I told him that I don’t want to be needed. I want to be wanted. And he was the first man that understood.
My ex-husband-to-be needed me. He needed me to help him pack his lunches or he wouldn’t eat. He needed me to wash his uniforms while he was sleep because he worked nights, he needed me to do things with him because he hated being alone. He was not a full person. He was someone figuring out how to use someone to make himself whole.
And while it absolutely draining to my soul, it made me realize that I was not whole either. His need for me, gave me purpose. It gave me a reason. But why is purpose another person? My purpose should be me.
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This man said something to me last night at dinner that I can’t get off of my mind.
I’ve never put myself first and now It’s time I do that.
I thought long and hard about this throughout the night, wondering why he allowed people to be so dependent on him and yet, he’s 35 and single. It wasn’t working for him.
So while we’re sitting at dinner on date number 3, he looked me in the eyes and said, what do you want out of a relationship. And when I said I want to be wanted, not needed. He not only understood. But he agreed.
…
There’s this idea that co-dependency can be a good thing, but the fact of the matter is when you’re overly attached to someone and you depend on them so much. You lose yourself.
And I will not lose myself.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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