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Disabilities Awareness Expert and “bear in a chair” Drew Gurza joins the I’m From Driftwood Podcast hosts for a robust discussion of what it’s like to live at the intersection of the queer community and the community of people with disabilities. We also hear stories from Richard, a Deaf gay man, and George, a Blind gay man, who discuss how living with a disability impacted their lives as queer people.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:09
Hey, this is Phil aka Corinne.
00:11
And I’m Alex Berg. And you’re listening to… The I’m From Driftwood Podcast.
00:18
On today’s show, we hear from two queer folk who shared their experience living with a disability.
00:30
Up first, we have George, a blind gay man who discovers he’s not alone.
00:34
I’m George Ashiotis and I grew up in Astoria, Queens. Around the age of five,
00:42
I was playing all in the park with my father and my sister. And I remember it was a blue ball
00:51
that we were playing with and my dad tossed it and it fell
00:55
directly in front of me and I couldn’t see it. And you know, of course my father was saying,
01:02
“Oh, you can’t see it? What do you mean? It’s right in front of you.” And then
01:08
I would turn my head slightly and then I… it came into view and. What I later
01:15
understood was that that was, I was – that was the beginning of my losing my central vision.
01:23
The process of losing my vision was really very, very gradual. And I guess as time went on,
01:33
the central vision spread out more and more. To the point now where I’m… I’ve got a
01:39
little bit of light perception, but it’s hardly useful for helping me to get around in any way.
01:48
My sister was two years younger than I and we were very close and she
01:54
was delegated by my, or relegated – however – by my parents to be my protector. My God.
02:03
I used to help her dye her hair. And she was using black hair dye. Unbeknownst to me, I got some
02:12
of that dye into my nails, under my nails and I didn’t realize it, but apparently it looked like I
02:25
I had nail polish on. And at the time I was at the Lighthouse in a teenage program,
02:32
actually working with younger teenagers as an assistant to a sighted counselor.
02:41
And one day I came in with my nails colored by the dye. And
02:53
the counselor said to me, “What are you, gay?” And I had never heard the word before
03:01
but I knew what it meant. I said, “No, it was just helping my sister dye her hair.” And he said,
03:09
“Well, you’ve got to clean your hand because it looks like you’re gay.”
03:12
Just hearing that and having felt all my life attracted to men but not really
03:25
putting a name on it or understanding what that meant exactly gave me such a sense of
03:36
freedom and hope. I thought, Oh my God, If there’s a name for it, then there must be other people
03:45
that are maybe experiencing the same thing that I am experiencing and I just need to find them
03:52
It really opened up a door for me and made me feel a lot more comfortable about myself.
04:00
And then I, you know, I’d heard about Greenwich Village and Christopher Street. In fact,
04:05
there was a Gay Street, so I – and I heard about this thing called cruising.
04:12
So I found my way downtown and hung around – with my cane, mind you. Stood on this… on the corner
04:23
of Christopher and Gay and eventually someone came along and I guess he passed me a few times
04:31
and finally, you know, he came up to me and said, “Do you need any help or something?”
04:38
And I said, “No.” And he said, “Well, do you
04:42
want to go for a cup of coffee?” And I said “Um, yeah.”
04:48
To me, attraction comes in two different ways. And primarily, I guess it’s from the voice. Someone’s
05:04
voice and… and their personality. And – but also in addition to that, if it could be a touch, like
05:13
some people touch you when they’re talking. I’ve always kind of liked that because
05:22
it’s sort of, kind of filled in for what I couldn’t see his eyes saying to me…
05:34
see a person’s eyes saying to me. So someone puts their hand on my arm as they’re speaking and just
05:43
sort of holds it, that could be very nice. And it could be sexual or it could just be, you know,
05:52
just like, Oh wow, what a really nice person who communicates with me, not only visually
06:06
but also tactically. We really have the same
06:10
needs as everyone else. The need to hold and be held, love and be loved.
06:20
And, you know, we have our good days. We have our bad days. But we’re… we may not
06:30
accomplish a task in the same way that somebody with eyes does, but we get the job done.
06:41
The beautiful piano you heard playing was played by George. Up next, we have Richard,
06:46
a deaf gay man who comes out and overcomes the feeling of isolation. Richard originally shared
06:51
his story with I’m From Driftwood using American Sign Language. Voicing Richard
06:55
will be our show’s producer, Anddy Egan-Thorpe. My name is Richard. I’m from Portage Indiana.
07:02
In my senior year of high school, I was lost, isolated and not sure about myself.
07:08
I wasn’t happy with who I was. I was not ready to come out of the closet.
07:14
My mom knew that I was gay, but I wasn’t ready to come out to her.
07:18
I was so ready to get out of high school and to go to college.
07:23
I moved to LA to start college. I was so excited and nervous because it was my first time away from
07:28
my family. Luckily, my uncle, who is my mom’s brother, lives close by in LA and he is gay.
07:38
I occasionally visit my uncle and his family. He has a partner and adopted two boys.
07:44
Every time I saw them, I would see their lifestyle and meet their gay friends.
07:48
I realized how open and very comfortable they were with themselves. I then realized that I am gay.
07:55
Before my 21st birthday, I was talking to my mom on AOL instant messenger.
08:00
We were talking and my mom asked, “Are you gay? Are you interested in boys?”
08:05
I was thinking and realized it is time for me to open up.
08:08
So I told my mom, “Yes, I am gay.” She said, “Okay. That’s good. I’m happy to hear
08:14
that from you. I knew you were gay since you were little.” The next day, I went to see my uncles and
08:18
told them that I told my mom I was gay. They were happy and they knew since I was a kid as well.
08:23
On my 21st birthday, I had a family dinner with my uncles and their kids. Later that night, they took
08:29
me to my very first gay bar in West Hollywood. I went into the bar and was very nervous.
08:35
I didn’t know how to react. When I went in, I had never seen so many gay people in my entire life.
08:43
I realized that I felt uncomfortable and told my uncles how I felt. They said it is okay. It’s fine
08:49
if everyone looks at me. They won’t hurt me. I said, okay and we walked around and checked it
08:54
out. A few guys hit on me and tried to talk to me, but I was not ready to talk to them.
09:00
My uncles said, “Whenever you feel comfortable, we can leave.”
09:04
We left a few hours later. I had a good time with my uncles drinking and chatting with them.
09:09
Years later after college, I started dating. I dated a few guys on and off.
09:15
It was good and enjoyable, but I was very nervous dating a guy for the first time.
09:20
I met this one person and he was hearing. We went out for dinner and we could communicate a little,
09:26
but sometimes it’s hard with a hearing person.
09:28
Mostly I would text on my phone to communicate. It was a very nice time as he was very patient and
09:34
understanding. Sometimes they don’t understand about Deaf culture or know about Deaf culture.
09:42
Also, they don’t know that sign language is my first language. Some of them understood,
09:47
but some of them didn’t fit in with Deaf culture. I don’t want to feel isolated or feel limited with
09:53
hearing people. I don’t care if someone’s Deaf or a hearing person, but I am happy where I am.
09:59
Comparing high school to where I am now, I used to feel so lost and isolated.
10:04
I didn’t know who I was. Now, I feel confident, happy, and know who I am.
10:10
I’m comfortable with hearing and Deaf people. It doesn’t matter to me.
10:15
Now I know who I am, but I am not in a rush to look for love. All that matters are my family
10:20
and friends who I enjoy being with. Whoever is out there will be very supportive and love who I am.
10:29
I want it to be something that lasts. That’s the reason why I want to tell my story.
10:37
If someone out there is Deaf and gay, I want them to know that there are other people out there who
10:41
are Deaf and gay. I know some people feel lost and isolated because they think there aren’t many Deaf
10:48
gay people out there, but it’s not true. The truth is there are a lot of people who are deaf and gay
10:54
out there. You just need to find the right time to meet people. It will make you feel more confident.
11:04
It’s so interesting that Richard being somebody who’s Deaf and he was dating people who can hear,
11:10
he also felt a little bit of isolation and a little bit of being limited by dating somebody who
11:15
was hearing, who doesn’t know about deaf culture. And to me, Richard is navigating two, sort of
11:21
like, two cultures, like, and he’s bringing them together and he’s proud of both of those cultures.
11:26
And he’s, like, deciding, you know, I am a queer deaf person and I want somebody who can understand
11:31
that and also can navigate that with me and appreciates it, which I think is fantastic.
11:35
What stuck out to me about these stories and in particular George’s story,
11:38
one of the things he talked about was when he learned about cruising and going down to
11:42
the Village and he had a cane with him and a guy walked by him a couple of times, and how
11:47
eventually this guy reached out and touched him as a way of kind of introducing himself.
11:52
And George really talked about how just like touch whether it is from a friend or
11:58
an acknowledgement or whether it’s sexual, just how it’s… it felt really good to him
12:04
and is a kind of communication that he likes. So I really liked that and I just love
12:07
the idea as LGBTQ people thinking intentionally about the kinds of different communication
12:13
that work for us in our relationships. Yeah. And I think with George as well,
12:16
I think that George not being, you know, being blind, he does look towards things like voice and
12:21
touch to be the thing that leads for attraction. I think that for those of us who are able-bodied,
12:26
we can miss out on some of these very interesting, like, small nuances that
12:31
are really important in terms of deciding whether or not we’re attracted to someone.
12:34
So I loved George story for that exact reason. He’s someone who is living at the intersections
12:38
of all these different identities and they’re impacting the way that he is
12:42
navigating the queer scene and navigating the disabled community as well.
12:45
It’s so interesting that Richard had a mom who knew he was gay and had known he was gay
12:50
from the time he was a child and also had a gay uncle, but yet he still didn’t have the comfort
12:56
of coming out, even with that knowledge, you know? So it’s… it just speaks to what I say about like
13:00
coming out, coming out is a very personal thing and it has to be done at the individual’s comfort.
13:04
Well, we are really excited to continue unpacking this topic and to help us, we have Drew Gurza.
13:11
Hey there, Drew! Hey, how are you?
13:12
I’m super excited to talk to you after getting to do a deep dive into all of your works.
13:17
Same here. Cool. I’m
13:18
so excited. It’s a pleasure to be here. To start off, could you tell us a little
13:22
bit about yourself and for those who may be listening and not familiar with you,
13:26
tell us about you and what you do. Sure. My name is Drew Gurza. I’m
13:30
36. I live in Toronto, Canada. I am somebody with cerebral palsy, which means for me,
13:37
I’m a power wheelchair user. I can’t walk at all. I am a disability awareness consultant.
13:43
A kind of a self-professed self-made person. And I’m also the Chief Disability Officer at Handi,
13:48
a new sex toy company, and also the co-founder of that. So I have a lot of hats
13:53
So we are going to talk about Handi, so we’ll get there, but I was watching a video of you
13:58
where you show that you have a tattoo on your chest that says “queer cripple”. And
14:02
I was just struck by also how you talked about it’s important for you to joke. I
14:06
think that you quipped that you identify as a bear in a chair. Where does your sense of humor
14:10
come from? Why is it important to you? I mean, I think my sense of humor comes from
14:15
a lot of rejection. A lot of people not understanding my experience with disability
14:20
and not really accepting that I was a part of that community. So the humor, as I think a lot
14:26
of people do with humor, it’s used as kind of a defense mechanism. Like if I make you laugh first,
14:31
you’re not going to hurt me. And “bear in a chair” is my way of being, I’m saying like, “I’m a part
14:36
of this community, so too. Queer Cripple is a way of… it’s a more direct way of saying like,
14:42
you know, fuck you. And here is my reality. And I kind of… I use humor to both disarm somebody
14:49
in terms of their fear around disability, but also simultaneously or use it as a defense mechanism.
14:55
Yeah, totally, totally understand. And I do love “bear in a chair” a lot.
15:00
You know, you’ve written many pieces throughout the years on sex, disability and queerness.
15:05
Out of all the pieces you’ve written. What was your favorite and most exciting to do?
15:09
That’s a really… that’s a… that’s so many that I’ve done.
15:13
Easy, easy question, you know? They’re all like my babies. I don’t know.
15:19
Right. I mean,
15:20
each of them is a different point in my life. So I like going back to each of them and looking at
15:24
them. I think the one that’s gotten the most traction is the one that I wrote for Out.com,
15:30
where I talk about my experience of hiring a sex worker. That is one that everybody
15:34
seems to come back to. That one gets put on Out’s, like, favorite articles of the
15:38
year every year for the last like four years. And I wrote that at a time when I had not really
15:43
been working predominantly with anybody. And it was my very first experience with a sex worker
15:48
and I was terrified to put that out to the masses because I was like, Oh my God, I’m going to admit
15:53
that I hired somebody for sex. Oh my God. I’m so scared. And ironically, like four years on,
15:59
I now see sex workers predominantly for my sexual health and when I need them. So,
16:04
like, now, I’m a huge advocate for sex work and how therapeutic it can be.
16:10
But I remember when I put that piece out, I was just mortified. I was like, Oh my God, what if
16:14
somebody reads this and realized that…what if family reads this? Like, Oh no. And then
16:19
ironically, like, four years later, I was… I wrote a piece for HuffPo about how I told my mom
16:25
that I work with sex workers. And so I love those two pieces because that was really…
16:30
when you… when you become an online personality, you kind of build this like character for
16:34
yourself. And those two pieces where me being like, Fuck the character. This is who I am for
16:39
real. And this is what… and this is my life. And I’m really proud of those because they really
16:44
shed a light into kind of who I am and the journey that I’ve gone in to finding my, not only central
16:52
pleasure, but my… my sense of who I am sexually. Like, it’s both something that seems so terrifying
16:58
to be so vulnerable in such a public way, and also really addressing a topic that’s taboo.
17:03
But then also like, clearly both of these pieces really resonated with people so much. I feel like
17:07
people really connect to that candidness. Yeah. I mean, the candidness is something
17:12
that I don’t have a choice in, to be honest with you. Like, it’s just part of the fact that I’m
17:16
disabled and I, like, I can’t run from it. So I figured people need that truth. And my truth is
17:21
not everyone’s experience, but I think sharing the vulnerability of being disabled, it was something…
17:28
when I started doing it, it was something new for me. And it was really cathartic to be like,
17:32
Here’s my reality. Let me share this with you. It was really, really powerful.
17:36
So I… it’s kind of become the brand that I built. It was like, let me just tell the
17:39
truth about being disabled. And I, you know, when I was like 19 and I had a little blog
17:43
called The Truth About Being Disabled or The Truth About Being Crippled or something. So,
17:47
like, the fact that I now get to do this on a much larger scale is really, really cool.
17:51
You know, you’ve also been very candid about ableism. And I’ll say that sometimes it feels
17:55
like even in spaces that aspire to be the most inclusive or spaces where people are so educated
18:02
about queer issues, that ableism is still so pervasive or that people are still so behind
18:07
the curve in terms of educating themselves, or I should say non-disabled people are so
18:10
behind the curve with educating themselves. For our listeners who may be on their educational
18:15
journey about this, what is the impact of ableism and how would you describe it for people who are
18:21
just starting to think about these things? Yeah, that’s a… that’s an awesome – I
18:24
love that you brought it up because most people don’t know what it is and they’re
18:27
afraid of it and no one wants to talk about it. So thank you for naming it.
18:30
Ableism is the system of discrimination against disabled people in favor of non-disabled people
18:36
and a system of structures, implicit and explicit structures, that forego the wants and needs of
18:42
the disabled population in favor of able-bodied people. Really, much like how racism is a system
18:48
against people of color, so is ableism against people with disabilities.
18:51
But what people forget is that ableism intersects with all of those things,
18:55
just like racism does. You can be a disabled person of color and experienced both ableism
19:00
and racism. You can be a queer disabled person and experience homophobia and ableism. Like,
19:06
all those things go together. So I think it’s something that we constantly have to be aware of.
19:11
Yeah. I love that. You just made that sort of parallel. That’s really great.
19:14
You know, you’re also responsible for the viral hashtag #disabledpeoplearehot.
19:18
Where did the idea for that hashtag come from? I love this story because the idea for this
19:24
hashtag came from: I was bored. It was Friday. I had Twitter.
19:28
I put out a thing on Twitter. I literally put up, I didn’t make it a hashtag yet, I just put
19:33
out – because you know, my social media is, like, you know, I can… I like doing little, little bites
19:38
of disability realities. I’ll do, like I just said, okay, I’m going to type “disabled were hot.”
19:43
And I typed that in and I put it out. Like, nothing happened with it. Nothing happened
19:47
with that part for a minute. And I’m like, okay. And then I was like, wait a minute. I
19:52
have an opportunity to do something really cool here. Let me try something. And I put
19:56
out a tweet that was like, If you’re disabled and you have a picture of yourself that makes
19:59
you feel a little sexy or proud or hot, post the picture and use the hashtag #disabledpeoplearehot.
20:05
And I thought, Oh, okay. I’ll… like this, this won’t go anywhere. I’ll put it out there like
20:09
five or six. And I did put it out and I got five or six and that was cool. And then I went to bed
20:14
and I woke up the next morning and I had emails from, like, magazines in France being like, Can we
20:20
talk to you? And I was like, what is happening? And I looked at my Twitter and there was like
20:23
20+ notifications, which means there was like 200 notifications of people from all over the world
20:30
posting that, posting photos of themselves with the hashtag. I did not expect it to go anywhere.
20:36
I was like, I was floored. Yeah. You Yeah. You had to be. You had to be. That’s insane.
20:41
Yeah. As much as I like being a fame whore and believe me, I do,
20:45
I’m also… I’m really shy when it comes to the stuff I do. I don’t…
20:48
I don’t expect it to go anywhere because most disabled people doing stuff, it doesn’t tend
20:55
to go super far like that or super viral like that. I think the turning point was when BBC,
20:59
I was in San Diego doing a… doing a talk with my mom and we’d traveled there from Toronto and
21:05
I was there. And BBC emailed me and said, “We love what you’re doing. Can we talk to you?”
21:10
And I was like, “Can you what? Sure!” So for 24 hours, I was like on the front of BBC.com
21:18
and it was just so powerful because it showed not only that disabled people wanted something
21:25
like this. The pictures people sent me were from all over the world and showed the diversity of
21:29
the disabled community and the nuances – like we saw people without wheelchairs who had invisible
21:34
disabilities. And it was just eye opening to me how – I’ll be really blunt, how racist we’ve been
21:40
in our depiction of disabled people. And it reminded me that the only reason that I get
21:46
to do what I do is because of the privilege that I have as a white disabled man. If I were a Black
21:52
disabled man, people might not know my name. And so it reminded me to be very cognizant
21:56
of my privilege and to use my privilege to uplift someone else
22:01
versus taking the spotlight. I don’t… I don’t really care that I’m the star. I want to use
22:05
my platform to give somebody else space. Amen.
22:09
So in a way you’re kind of filling that void with all of the writing and the content that
22:14
you’re making and even acting in porn yourself. What has the response to that been like? I mean,
22:20
when you… you kind of just told us a story about just casually on a Friday,
22:25
making this hashtag #disabledpeoplearehot, it goes super viral. Did you kind of set out
22:30
thinking eventually you would act in porn? I’m not going to lie. I love sex. I love
22:35
porn. And I like all that stuff. But I never thought that I’d be a part of that. I was like,
22:40
No one’s gonna want my crippled, disabled body in a scene. No one’s gonna get off on that. And then,
22:47
you know, Davey Wavey from… from Himeros contacted me and said, “Hey, we’re looking to do
22:53
some amateur porn. Would you… do you want to do that?” And I thought,this is a cool thing. Like,
22:58
we got to do it in my bedroom, in my house, like where I was totally safe. There was no… there
23:03
was no risk to me. I got to hire my own scene partner, like my friend that I do sex work with.
23:08
So, like, I already knew him and trusted him. But what I loved about that experience
23:13
is that he’s a non-disabled porn star and he… we’ve been working together as a sex worker and
23:18
client now for almost four years, so I really trusted him and we spent three hours looking
23:23
at the scene, looking at which scene – because our job was to emulate a scene that was already
23:27
on the site. So we had to look at a scene and see what I could do, what was possible for me to do.
23:32
And so John and I, John was my scene partner, we spent, like, hours sitting out, Where would
23:38
my wheelchair go How can my wheelchair be sexy in the shot? How can we show that I’m disabled here?
23:43
Like, we spend time incorporating my disability into that experience. And that was my favorite
23:48
part of that, of shooting that. The se part was great. We had fun. It was a good time. I
23:52
got off. He got off. It was very nice. But that the impact of knowing that
23:56
somebody with a disability and people without disabilities would see that and consume that
24:02
and be like, “Wow, that disabled guy was actually really hot. Maybe watching this, you know, I got
24:08
excited and it made me…” it would make somebody think differently about their misconceptions about
24:13
disability. Like that’s really cool. I’m really proud to not only use it as a porn, but also as
24:18
an educational tool for somebody to be like, wow, you can have great sex with a disabled person.
24:24
And I think what I love about that video, and I’m thinking back to like a few specific scenes is
24:29
that, like, it shows me being able to provide pleasure. And there’s this misconception that
24:36
when you have sex with a disabled person, you have to make them feel all these things.
24:40
And what this video shows is that my scene partner was enjoying themselves just as much as I was. So
24:46
it was one of the first things I’ve ever done like that. It was really scary ‘cause I… I’m a giggle
24:51
bot. I laugh at everything. I can’t relax and be sexy ‘cause I know that so-and-so’s filming.
24:57
Well, sex is also one of the main focuses of your podcast,
24:59
Disability After Dark. So tell us a little bit about the podcast and how that got started.
25:03
Yeah. The podcast started four years ago and for me at the time, typing was something that
25:08
was getting harder and harder for me to do with my muscle disabilities. So I was like, well,
25:12
what did they turn all this into, like, a voice thing where I can just speak
25:16
and what if I just did that? And I looked around to see, and I was like, surely someone’s done
25:20
a whole podcast on sex and disabilities. And I looked around and I was like,
25:23
there isn’t one? There’s not one podcast dedicated, solely to sex and disability?
25:28
And I was like, well, great. I’ve cornered the market now. I can do this. So I just…
25:32
I started and I don’t have, like, you can see the cool mic that I have now. Didn’t have that
25:37
before. It was literally me and my Apple… my Apple headphones. “I guess this is what we do!”
25:43
Like, but you listened back to any of the original episodes, I sound like shit. I
25:48
had no idea about audio production. And like now I have my own little production company and I
25:54
produce stuff for other people and now I know how to make it sound nice. But I love doing it because
25:58
I got to say what I was feeling in real time. And I didn’t think it would go past 10 episodes.
26:04
And now we’re at… at 221. And it’s like, wow! Let’s talk about Handi. I’m so excited. Yeah.
26:12
It’s a it’s sex toy company buy and for disabled people.
26:15
Tell us about the brand and how it got started. The brand actually is the brainchild of my sister
26:20
and I. My sister, my able-bodied sister, Heather Martin, is the co-founder and CEO of Handi.
26:26
I was in Australia two years ago. We were on the beach, just talking about life,
26:31
Heather and I. We were walking on Bondi Beach, one of the most beautiful beaches in the whole world.
26:36
And she says to me, “Well, don’t you work in sex?” And I said, “Yeah.”
26:39
And she goes, “Well, don’t any of the sex toys work for you?”
26:43
And I said, “Well, Heather, looki at my hands. Like, they’re not what a normal hand looks like,
26:47
so it’s hard for me to use certain toys.” And she was like, “Well, why can’t you use toys?”
26:51
And I said, “Because they just don’t work. And it’s hard for me to touch the
26:54
buttons and I can’t… they don’t work for me.” And so we talked some more and she said, “Well,
26:59
do you want to make a sex toy together?” And that’s literally the word she used. And
27:03
I stopped and I went – at first I was like, Do I want to make a sex toy with my sister? I don’t…
27:10
I don’t know how I feel about that. That’s kind of weird. But then we spent
27:13
a year doing research. We found that 63% of the people we talked to have hand limitations.
27:20
92% of the people that we interviewed said, “I want a toy like this.”
27:27
So we realized that in taking on this venture, millions and millions of people around the world
27:33
could benefit from this. And it wasn’t just about me making a sex toy with my sister or she making a
27:38
sex toy with me. It was about us putting something out in the world that was going to change the
27:43
game. And that’s when we were like, “Oh, this is a real thing that we could really do.”
27:49
And then we connected with the team at RMIT out of Melbourne, Australia, a team of designers there,
27:56
Judith Glover, which is one of the – who is one of the leading designers of
27:59
sex tech in Australia was like – we just cold emailed her and she got back and was like,
28:06
“Oh my God, this is amazing. I want to… I want to help you. I want to be a part of all this.”
28:10
So it kind of just snowballed from an idea to like a thing really fast. You know, the brand is
28:16
putting pleasure within reach and, you know, uncovering discussions about disability we’re
28:21
not having. So it’s an extension of what I’ve already been doing for a very long time.
28:24
But what I love about it is that it’s with people – who my sister is not disabled. She doesn’t live
28:30
that experience. And I love being able to teach her. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I think
28:36
people that don’t understand about disability are amazing because they are a blank slate, which
28:41
means that I can show them my experience. They’re willing to learn. They’re willing to listen.
28:45
And our team is really intermixed of non-disabled and disabled people. And I love being able to be
28:52
a part of that. I also love that because of my disability, we created the first
28:57
Chief Disability Officer title as part of Handi, which is something that we’ve never seen before.
29:03
And what I love about that is that it shows that a disabled person can work for a company and can be
29:10
in power and can use their disability as something to propel them forward in the business world.
29:16
And so that title is something that I’m – that again, she came up with that and not me, she did,
29:21
and I am extremely proud to take on that role because it means that,
29:25
you know, we value disability and to be able to say, like, not only am I a disabled
29:30
person working in this company, I’m the Chief Disability Officer. Like that… that’s really
29:36
cool and it opens doors for the next… for other companies to be like, Wow, we should do that.
29:40
Our business philosophy has been to… to put disability within everything we do,
29:46
to bake it right in, to have it part of… part of what we do. And so when we were creating the toy,
29:51
we came up with this term that we kind of use within ourselves of, like,
29:55
disability-driven design and that I get to be a part of something that’s
29:59
going to change the game for so many people. We’re in the middle of prototyping, but I can tell
30:04
you that our first product is going to be called the Handi Joystick. And if you go to www.Handi.co,
30:13
you can kind of learn more about our journey there, how we got there, but I can say that it
30:17
looks like a cross between a body pillow and a pool noodle. If they had a lovechild that
30:24
vibrated and got you off, that’s what it would look like. And so we’re super excited about that.
30:28
Our next product that we’re kind of touting right now, and that I’d love to
30:31
bring everyone’s attention to, is the Handi Book of Love, Loss and Disability. So in order
30:36
to get the toy going, we created a book called the Handi Book of Love, Loss and Disability,
30:41
where we talked to 50 contributors from all over the world with the varying levels of disability.
30:47
And we asked them to tell us 14 questions about sex and disablity. So we ask them things like,
30:52
What is sex and chronic pain like? What is the sexiest thing anyone’s ever said to you
30:57
about your disability? What is the best sex you’ve had because of your disability? Or
31:02
the worst sex you’ve had because your disability? So we… we got them to answer all of these
31:05
questions, put them in a book full of art, prose, quotes, poetry, all this stuff.
31:12
And it’s really groundbreaking because it’s not just, How do you have sex
31:16
and disability? It’s how does sex and disability feel? And that’s really, really super powerful
31:21
because I don’t think we’ve seen anything like that before. So I’m really, really proud of that.
31:25
And the benefit of this book, you’ll get it in hard copy and audio book copy, which
31:31
you get to hear me read half of the book to you. And then my reading partner, Katie Venable will
31:36
read the other half to you, and then you can also get it in a digital format, but when you
31:39
buy a book, every dollar from the book sales goes into us prototyping and making the toy.
31:46
So you’re not only buying a book, you’re actually saying I support the creation of this toy and I’m
31:51
going to use my dollars to show it. I mean, you’ve thought
31:54
of everything. It’s amazing. I have to say, I am the show pony. I’m
31:58
the one that gets to smile and do all the things and be really like, Yeah, look at the book! I love
32:03
doing that, but I have to say there’s a team of amazing people in Australia and all over the world
32:09
doing amazing things for us to get this going. Makes my heart swell that this idea we had on a
32:15
beach two years ago has now turned into a book and eventually a toy and like, wow, it’s really cool.
32:20
I’m so inspired by you. That is incredible. I love that so much. That is so incredible.
32:24
I love what you’re doing and I encourage people to support it as best they can.
32:29
I have a question for you. You were open about everything. You’re an open book. I’m wondering,
32:33
is there anything you won’t talk about? There isn’t really anything I wouldn’t
32:36
talk about because I think these discussions with disability need to come out and they need
32:41
to be… they need to be unearthed… they need to be cracked wide open, but I think there’s,
32:45
I can’t think of anything, anything directly that I would keep too private. No, not really.
32:50
Are there any questions that you’re sick of answering?
32:53
Not – again, not really, because I think even if I answered the questions over and over and
32:56
over again, I’m changing someone’s mindset, when I do that. And I’m giving them a chance to be like,
33:02
Oh, I never realized that. Oh, I didn’t get that. So I think when someone says, “I don’t know,” I’m
33:08
like, “Cool, let me, let me show you.” And I always say this, it’s not my responsibility
33:13
to teach somebody. However, it is my opportunity to say, “Let me teach you,
33:19
let me show you, let me help you.” And that’s so much more powerful
33:22
than being mad because you ask them the same question a bunch of times.
33:24
What are the questions you wish people asked you more?
33:27
How does disability feel? How do you feel in your disabled body? What does disability and
33:32
consent look like to you? What does it feel like to be touched by attendings all the time? Like,
33:38
how I have sometimes asked people of color: How does it feel to be a person of color?
33:42
Can you, can you share that? Can you share some of what it feels like? So that I,
33:45
in my privilege of the white person, can empathize or get it in a way that I don’t quite get it.
33:50
And I think we often tend to start and stop. It’s – particularly with disability, with How do you
33:55
do this? That’s a big problem. If we go deeper, you get to have a conversation with somebody, but
34:01
either way, you’re having a conversation that’s much more nuanced than just, How do you do this?
34:12
How do you feel your story can help all people feel more confident about who they are?
34:16
I love this question because I’m the most non-confident person in the history
34:20
of the planet. I am like, yes, I know my Drew Gurza persona is very like,
34:24
there’s a bravado behind him, but Andrew is really shy and awkward and weird and, like, just wants to
34:30
be loved and held and told that I’m good enough. I put on this kind of character of, like, who Drew
34:35
Gurza is, but Andrew is super fucking shy inside. I don’t know if I am that confident, but I would
34:41
say lean into your vulnerability, leaning into the parts of your identity that scare you the most,
34:46
and started shining a light on them. What’s the most important thing that
34:49
you feel like you’ve learned on the way? That it isn’t all about me. That it is not
34:54
the Andrew Gurza show. That I am not the most important voice in the story. I’m one of the
34:59
voices, but I’m not the most important one. Yeah. You know, I’d say your candidness and
35:04
your authenticity is your superpower. It’s pretty clear that your platform has been
35:09
broadened by that. Just how – you just being exactly who you are. So I love that so much.
35:13
Oh, thank you. That authenticity comes from a place of like, I can’t change this,
35:18
so why would I? Drew, tell everyone
35:21
where we can find you on social media. Where can they hear your podcast? Just plug away my friend.
35:26
Sure, sure. They can hear my podcasts, Disability After Dark, the podcast shining a bright light on
35:33
disability stories on wherever you podcast. You can hear me episodes every Saturday and bonus
35:39
episodes throughout the week if I feel so inclined to do that. You can also find me on social media
35:43
at @DretGurza on Instagram and Twitter. And if you want my hot takes on anything disability,
35:50
go to those places. ‘Cause I have a lot to say about a lot of things all the time.
35:56
I’m going to also plug my, the Handi book of Love, Loss and Disability.
36:00
Please, please go pick up a copy there, go to – ThatsHandi.co T-H-A-T-S-H-A-N-D- I, dot C-O.
36:08
So that’s where you can follow me. And if anybody wants to book me for stuff,
36:12
they can also do that through my Twitter and Instagram. I do talks and stuff so I’m around!
36:17
Excellent. Well, Drew, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us today.
36:21
Thank you so much for having me. It was such a pleasure.
36:23
Yeah, we really enjoyed you. It was really fun.
36:36
The I’m From Driftwood Podcast is hosted by Phil aka Corinne
36:39
And Alex Berg, and is produced by Andy Egan-Thorpe.
36:42
It’s recorded as a program of I’m From Driftwood, a worldwide nonprofit LGBTQAI+ story archive.
36:48
I’m From Driftwood’s Founder and Executive Director is Nathan Manske.
36:52
It’s Program Director is Damien Mittlefehldt. I’m From Driftwood is a nonprofit organization,
36:57
and this Podcast was funded in part by public funds
37:00
from the New York City Department of Cultural Affairs in partnership with the City Council.
37:04
Additional funding is provided by TD Bank and Heritage of Pride New York.
37:08
I’m From Driftwood was created to help queer and trans people learn more about their community…
37:13
Help straight people learn more about their neighbors…
37:15
And help everyone learn more about themselves… All through the power of storytelling.
37:19
Our score is provided by Elevate Audio. The stories you heard today are available
37:24
in their entirety, plus thousands more. And ImFromDriftwood.org
37:27
You can also follow I’m From Driftwood on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. Or subscribe to
37:33
our podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks for listening y’all.
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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