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The following story comes from Blue Fields Research (www.bluefieldsresearch.com) and is one of a series of user perspectives inspired by having raw conversations with people about the role of cannabis in their lives. Blue Fields Research has conversations with many cannabis users to help leaders in this industry to truly understand the needs of their customers.
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Being a cannabis user has been a secret life, one my non-cannabis using wife and I have hidden from our families and friends. It’s also a self-prescribed life, one without clear medical direction as to what healthy usage looks like. It’s been a lot of experimentation and, frankly, trial and error. Where we’ve netted out is that there are enough health benefits that make us want to continue experimenting with finding the right balance, but at the same time we are afraid to share this part of our lives with our community and have little direction, other than our own self-awareness, as to how to measure its efficacy.
Stoner daddy is not a title I would choose for myself. When I imagine the perception most may have of me, my muscles tighten in defense of the insult and judgment. I ingest cannabis, in one form or another, every day. I buy it legally with a license, and pay a huge markup over the black market to support legalization. I am also an entrepreneur and designer who’s worked with companies such as Google, GE, and Johnson & Johnson. And as of this year, I am a proud father of a beautiful little girl named Hope.
I had originally intended this first article to be a warm fuzzy chronicle of cannabis allowing me to relate to my daughter in wonderfully non-verbal ways. When I proudly read it to my wife, my source of all wisdom, she pointed out that I was only telling half of the story. Having a husband who takes cannabis like a health supplement, especially for a wife who, before being married, had only seen the substance as a drug, has made it clear to me that cannabis is far from a magic cure-all.
Cannabis, like most solutions, comes with its own challenges that have strained my relationship with my wife and requires constant creative ways to cut costs in order to afford medication. Trying to convince my angel of a wife that this is the best course of action has taken nearly 25 years, lots of therapy, a stint at rehab, AA meetings and tens of thousands of dollars.
Money is by far the biggest factor to consider when thinking about using cannabis as a medicine. As it’s not federally legal, no insurance will cover the costs and we get to see up close what our pharmaceutical bill would be without insurance. I spend anywhere between $200 and $600 on cannabis per month depending on stress levels. This sounded insane until I realized that without insurance, I would spend somewhere between $1000 and $2000 a month on prescription drugs. If good health insurance is a perk of the wealthy, then using cannabis is sheer decadence. To help recover some of these costs I’ve become a good chef and make 95% of our meals as a trade-off to being able to afford medicine. Oh, the woes of the first class.
Stigma and secrecy is also high on the list of cannabis drawbacks. As a tech entrepreneur, I know the rule of thumb is to have one drink less than any of my staff at a company event. The rule for cannabis is don’t let anyone know about your shameful habit in case you’re seen as inconsistent or unreliable. When I meet friends and co-workers who know about this side of my life, I revel in the enjoyment of being able to relax and be myself. In the tech world, these moments were few and far between, and the expectation is to drink instead. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good glass of wine, but I have definitely decided schmoozing with drunk techies is a bit like being at an Andrew Dice Clay show. Some people love it, but just not for me.
The last draw-back I want to touch on is what type of role model do I want to be for my daughter and those around me. In this context, it’s my preference for smoking cannabis that is at the heart of the issue. This habit I picked up from being a cigarette smoker for nearly 10 years, and while I kicked tobacco years ago, the speed and control of dosage when smoking cannabis is far superior to edibles or topicals. This means I go outside to smoke by myself, a lot. There are the obvious health risks, but the subtle draw-back is, I now have a habit that I would not suggest to my daughter and keeps me from spending precious time with my family during the few hours we are all at home. Every time I go outside to smoke I choose to be with, what my wife calls, my “green mistress.”
Over time, my wife has come to appreciate that when I’m smoking or eating cannabis I’m healthier. After using cannabis as a medicine I’ve dropped my pharmaceutical intake from the maximum dose of 6 separate medications, to taking half the number of prescriptions, all at the lowest dose. I’m 20 pounds lighter and I’m inspired to get out of the house or office exponentially more than when I’m not using cannabis. One of the largest benefits is simply being less self-conscious which allows me to focus on the things that are important to me.
The most haunting question my wife has asked is, “Why would you do this to the family knowing you’re taking money out of your daughter’s education fund? You’re killing yourself and playing with addiction.” The best answer I can provide is I feel deficient in something, like a sailor with scurvy. I tried multiple ways of coping with the pain, anxiety, and depression associated with this deficiency. Pharmaceuticals, alcohol, overeating, TV, even overworking would continuously send me down the same a path that ended in me being overweight, irritated, and still searching for something to fill the void. I was sober for nearly a decade in the pursuit of Bill’s dream of sobriety bringing peace. Cannabis just has shown to be the healthiest and most effective way of facing the feeling that I am less than I could be.
Well, either that or I’m an addict.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
