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It’s rare in the age of social media to meet a woman who hasn’t received an unsolicited nude pic from a man.
I can remember when I first received one. It was a disorienting experience. A man arrived in my inbox expressing his interest with getting to know me. We exchanged pleasantries and I asked questions to assess his intentions and personality. Then, a picture appeared in my inbox of his member. It was shocking. I didn’t know how the conversation led to feeling so comfortable to send me a picture without my consent. I didn’t even know if I felt sexually attracted to him. I scrolled through our discussion to see if I misled him to think it was okay, but the conversation was benign.
Then, I wondered how he expected me to feel. I imagined he thought this was a porn moment. I would see the picture and get so turned on that I invited a perfect stranger to my home because I had to have him.
It felt much more like the time I was sitting on a train and a guy started playing with himself in front of me. I didn’t ask for him to do it, nor did I enjoy it. I felt disgusted, violated and scared.
Over time, I have become numb and just expect to receive the unwanted pictures. It is still a jarring experience.
I also experience a bit of disappointment if I thought the person and I were connecting because I feel like the potential is lost and the interaction has been reduced to a plot to secure sex on his behalf or he had no interest in more than sex. And, if he could send it to me without knowing me then he has sent it to who knows how many women before me.
I am all for adults sexting when both parties are clearly interested and flirting sexually.
But, it can suck the air out of the room when one person isn’t even following the same line of thinking and suddenly receives a blatant attempt to force something that hasn’t naturally found it’s way to being a comfortable exchange.
I imagine some men think from a male perspective that to suddenly receive pictures of a naked woman and a promise of sex would be an exciting occurrence.
To women who are propositioned everywhere whether it is welcome or not, it is one more person misreading her kindness or pushing his desires on her with no awareness if it is welcome or not.
This is not just my assessment. I have talked to other women and listened to stories of the pictures they received. Most, similar to me, are numbed and conditioned to downplay how it affects them. Some joke about it. It’s another side effect of being a woman. But, the general consensus is if the practice went away, they wouldn’t be upset.
Are there some women who love to receive nude pics? Possibly. Before you send your picture or video, be sure the intended recipient is one of those who wants to see it.
How bad could it be?
I have a friend who is a minister, which is clearly displayed on her page. She shares scripture and quotes. She attempts to navigate discussions in her inbox with people who want to discuss their religious beliefs. Sometimes, she gets baited into a conversation only to have a man suddenly send an unsolicited nude pic or video.
Unsolicited nude pic isn’t doing what you expect it to do.
If you are wondering why women aren’t responding the way you expect, it could be your approach. Maybe, wait until you are asked or after she has already seen it in person.
So, the next time you take what you think is an amazing nude pic and then meet what you think is an amazing girl, before you hit send…stop and ask yourself, did she ask for this? If you are interpreting her level of interest, the answer is no.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock