Procrastination: Through the Lens of a Procrastinator

I was studying for 1 hour and thought it was a good time to take a break. I went out for some fresh air, had some coffee and then sat to scroll through Instagram. Somehow, the 30-minute break became 32 mins, and my mind didn’t allow me to resume studying then. It told me to make it 35 mins (apparently my brain is fond of multiples of 5 .. and as a fool, I fall for it every single time). 35 minutes turned to 40 mins, then to 45 mins, and before I knew it, a “short” break stretched to an entire hour. You’re right — my break was as long as the time I sat and studied.

Back of my head, I know the exams are approaching, I should be studying, this five-minute brain thing is not real, and the clocks are ticking. There is a continuous negotiation happening at the back of my head — 1 minute won’t hurt, it is just a reel, until it turns to guilt when I realize I’ve wasted too much time.

The brain seems to navigate between continuous cycles of guilt and avoidance. I’m both the victim and villain of this story, but every time this happens, I don’t understand what I have to do differently.

To the outside world, this looks like laziness, but to be honest, inside, it is a mixture of emotions — fear, pressure, anxiety and most importantly, self-criticism. It is not rest, on the contrary, it is a complete restlessness. I’m fighting an internal battle with myself to reach upon a conclusion. It is not about not wanting to do something, but wrestling with myself for doing the task, until it seems impossible.

We know exactly what we are doing; it is not something that “just” happened. There are several triggers — sometimes I want to be perfect ( I have no idea how many times I have redone the already perfect bed, I’ve rearranged the books because something seemed off ), sometimes it is the fear of failure ( the number of what-ifs is seriously annoying even for me after a point). Sometimes it feels like productivity, until you realize those were just excuses.

Finally, when we start doing (which is mostly the last minute), we do it… really well at times. But it takes all that pressure and internal turmoil for us to finally do something. This internal chaos seems easier than doing something on the go. Maybe, procrastination isn’t about time at all… it is about stories I tell myself before I actually start something.

I’m sure at least some of you might be able to relate to this. Thinking I’ll do this after an hour, until the hours turn to days or months, until there is a do or die situation. It is a torture to bear the silent draining of focus and energy.

“In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do. The worst thing you can do is nothing.”

— Theodore Roosevel

Gradually, I’ve stopped overthinking and started doing. To be honest, things seem easier now. It was not so easy when I started, when my mind says to wait for 5 mins, and if I somehow start it 2 mins, it felt uncomfortable. Sometimes the uneasiness crept through, but consistently pushing through it gave me the momentum to cross the hurdle eventually.

I hope to reach at least a few of you to help stop thinking and start doing. I overcame it and so can you.

Checkout: 10 steps that helped me stop thinking and start doing