I had coffee with an acquaintance recently.
We actually live in the same small town, but our only connection was through social media.
He reached out and asked if I’d be up for coffee. The idea of meeting and chatting in real life is missing from my life.
We grabbed our coffees, found some seats, and dove right in.
Unfortunately, he’d lost his very high-profile C-level position the week before. He knew my story, that I’d been through some stuff, and wanted to chat.
We talked about the next steps, and I asked him,
“How do you define success?”
He answered along the lines of:
“I always thought it was more money and the next big thing, the next big job title.”
I nodded in total understanding and asked him,
“You achieved that definition of success, but let me ask you—did you feel successful?”
His answer was immediate:
“No, not even close. I wasn’t fulfilled.”
Professional and financial success at the cost of personal fulfillment isn’t success; it’s half an existence desperately trying to pretend it’s a full existence.
It’s one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves. It’s the lie that it should be enough.
Because that’s what we’ve been conditioned to believe, you bust your ass, you move up the ranks, earn lots of money, and everything will fall into place.
Except it doesn’t.
For one simple reason: we may check all the boxes we believe will make us a “success” and make us happy, but nowhere in that success is the authentic you.
What most people don’t realize is that they’re following a definition of success they never consciously chose.
They inherited it.
The boxes we check are hand-me-down beliefs, and those beliefs displace our authentic dreams.
We end up building our lives according to a blueprint that was handed to us rather than one we consciously authored.
It’s the fastest path I know to create an empty life destined for regret.
Eventually, something begins to crack.
The life we were supposed to feel successful in doesn’t feel the way we thought it would.
That’s when the blueprint begins to break down.
So, how do we change course?
How do we start down a new path, one that will actually bring us to the life we say we want but keep deferring to an unknown future?
In crystal-clear clarity, we write down our current definition of success.
We examine our current definition and ask questions:
- Where did this definition come from?
- If, like my acquaintance, you achieved your definition, ask yourself: Do I feel successful?
- What’s missing from my current definition?
These questions begin to reveal the architecture behind the decisions that built your life.
Then, redefine success authentically.
No shoulds, outside opinions, or others’ expectations.
This is the first step to choosing the life you want to build rather than the one you inherited.
As we wrapped up, my acquaintance told me,
“I’m going to practice more of my photography.”
I smiled because he was taking the first step toward self-authorship.
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iStock image
