I’m struck by the difficulty of building things when it’s so easy to destroy them. Consider how it’s almost effortless to take a figurative, or literal wrecking ball to a house. Within a short period of time, the whole structure is in shards and splinters on the ground. But building the house takes knowledge, planning, expertise and a daily commitment. It’s can’t be done overnight.
Recovery from addictions illustrates this well. When I was twenty-eight, alcohol and cocaine had detonated my life, financially and reputationally. My health was precarious and my marriage on the rocks. In short, I was broken and in despair. While others had certainly lost respect for me, it was even worse I’d lost my self-respect. My dignity was gone.
So, I dug in and sought to restore myself to physical, spiritual and emotional health. I committed to recovery hoping that I could rebuild from all the destruction. It was hard labor. My early days in recovery were an epic battle between the addict/alcoholic I was and the clean and sober guy I wanted to be. Intense cravings pulled at me, some lasting all day. Depression and anxiety from childhood trauma left me depressed and anxious. Even small tasks were vexing, and all the rage I’d been sitting on for years erupted all too frequently. I yearned to self-medicate these symptoms but I knew that doing so would set me adrift yet again.
Rebuilding took a committed anf sustained effort. I steered clear of anyone still in addicted life. Doing so kept me free of any opportunity to use. Remember, the person offering alcohol or drugs knowing you’re in recovery is not your friend. I consider someone doing so as a threat to my security, my wellbeing and to my life.
In the rebuilding process, I developed the fellowship of other recovering people. I remained in therapy and group therapy and sought the counsel of a sponsor. I exercised, looked after my health and went back to school. This is, of course a lot to do but structure and commitment are protective factors in remitting addictions and so it’s was well worth it.
Day by day, month by month and then year by year, things get better. At a glacial pace initially, then more rapidly. II worked on becoming a better father. I met a great woman and married her and we built a new family. I dug out of debt, slowly but steadily. My anger faded as did the ever-present depression and anxiety from trauma. I felt better about myself. I liked who I’d become; my self-loathing replaced by self-esteem. I dedicated myself to helping other addicts/alcoholics get clean and sober.
In my work on inpatient units, I became even more acquainted with the consequences of addictions. Some people cycled in and out of treatment, their health, circumstances, and belief in themselves getting whittled away by their addictions. I also noticed how the consequences of relapse were swift and unforgiving. Families torn apart, DUI’s and possession charges putting people even more behind the societal eight ball. Sadly, and all too frequently, I saw people overdose and die. Some of these deaths were people whose lives had barely begun.
But I also see people embrace recovery and make significant gains where once their lives were hopeless. I encourage people to be patient long enough to realize the benefits of recovery. Don’t take the wrecking ball to the great life you’re moving toward. Remember that recovery is foundational and essential to all the things that matter in your life, including family, health, finances, and your career.
Keep building and protect your recovery. It’s precious. You’ll be grateful you did.
Previously Published on substack
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