“In your heart lies all the answers. To the truth you can’t run from.” – Earth, Wind, and Fire Mighty Mighty (1974)
Fellas, I’ve got a question:
Who is afraid of getting hurt?
I’m not talking about physically. I’m talking about cardiologically. Y’know…afraid for your heart to get hurt.
This has come into stark contrast with me lately. And in all honesty, it scares the hell out of me.
Whenever I open my heart to a new experience with an amazing woman, it usually jumps up and bites me. Admittedly, I get attached very easily because if I have an amazing woman with even an inkling of interest, I fall hard. Old Ryan believed that he couldn’t do better.
This has hurt me greatly over the years. And even now, more than twelve years after this incident happened, it still bothers me.
It’s time to share my most embarrassing dating misadventure.
Her name wasn’t Amber, but that’s the name I’m going to call her for sake of any legal action she probably won’t take against me and the Good Men Project.
Amber was a newly divorced single mother. When I was involved with her, her son was about four or five.
I occasionally hung out with her and her son. He was a good kid and I was quite taken by how gentle she was with him.
To say nothing of the fact that she was strikingly beautiful. She was uncommonly tall – I believe she was 6’3” (in comparison, I’m about 5’9” on a good day.) She’d done some modeling and it showed. She could dance. She was in school to create a new life for her family.
I thought she had it all.
I hadn’t seen Amber for maybe a month. She’d been going through some personal issues and I wanted to give her a little space.
Turns out those “personal issues” involved another adult male human being. But I digress.
I invited her out with some other mutual friends to hear a band play. There was a mutual friend in the band.
Her body language seemed rather standoffish all night. All night she kept asking me terse and bizarre questions.
As the night ended, I was getting more and more frustrated. I was frustrated with her and with me.
She follows me outside to the parking lot, curses me out, and drives away.
I was dumbfounded. I took it very personally. And I stood there to try and pick up the pieces of what could have been. I stood there befuddled and dumbfounded for a while…
Metaphorically speaking, she ripped out my heart, tenderized it with her stiletto heel, seasoned it with salt, pepper, and onion powder, and roasted it in a 275-degree oven for four hours.
Y’know, low and slow…
Truly, this is an exaggeration. It’s a dramatic over-sell of the story. But I hope y’all get my point.
(Quick side note: all the made-up names begin with the same letter as their real name. That’s all I’m gonna say.)
You take Amber, Abigail (not her real name, but I have written about her before), and Alicia (not her real name. I let her break my heart twice.)
When it comes to women, this is my experience. Not very appealing, no?
They all similarly broke my heart because I chose wrong.
I share this story because I know I’m not the only man who guards his heart like a territorial pit bull.
Trust me y’all, I get it. Men don’t like to be hurt. We don’t like to be wounded. And we don’t like to fear what our heart tells us.
Personally, I would love to stay in my head. But staying in my head doesn’t open my heart to the connection and love that exists in the world.
Why do I bring all this up? Why do I speak about the most embarrassing story of my dating life?
An opportunity has presented itself for a deep connection with an amazing woman. I mean, amazing isn’t really a big enough superlative to describe this woman.
Our connection is already deep. But there’s an opportunity to make it deeper.
Why does this scare me so much?
Because more than anything, she’s one of my best friends. And what inevitably happens when I attempt to explore a possibility with a woman is that it ends badly. And I need her friendship in my life. Even with this, I’m still guarding my heart fiercely.
So, I’m making a declaration. By the time my March 31st article comes out, I will have a frank conversation with this woman. And whatever happens, happens.
Let’s just say that I’m practicing the power of the blank page.
Gentlemen, are you looking to get more elevation and power in your relationships? Are you looking to put the past behind you? Is that special someone right under your nose, but you’re too guarded to see or admit it?
It would be a privilege to support you in untangling your relationships. Let’s create some magic.
Email me at [email protected] for a sample coaching session and let’s see what we can create. Or follow me at twitter.com/ryanhallwrites.
I’m like 95% sure I’m simply overthinking this. I believe the feelings I have for her are mutual. But maybe not exactly as I envision.
Photo by dawolf