In the face of his toddler’s rejection, Ty Phillips reminds us of the real reason we meet others’ needs.
___
It is bound to happen numerous times; those moments of unbridled toddler angst. No matter what you say, do, or try, you simply aren’t the right person at that moment. This morning, I wasn’t mommy. My daughter’s heart was set on her mommy and I simply wasn’t going to cut it. She couldn’t understand why she couldn’t have her mommy, and her emotions took control.
“I don’t want you daddy! Go away!” Her sobbing chant lasted longer in my heart than it did in real life.
|
“I don’t want you daddy! Go away!” Her sobbing chant lasted longer in my heart than it did in real life.
I sat for a moment pondering my reaction. I feed her, dress her, play with her, teach her, put her to bed and get her out of bed. I am the stay at home parent, so why was my comfort not good enough this morning? We all feel this way at times. We give and love and we want to know our efforts are not going out in vain.
This is the part that caught me up though; much like the notion of idiot compassion, (doing what a person wants over what that person needs) I was being motivated by my own feelings instead of the feelings of what was best for the situation.
Doing the right thing, whether at home, at work, or just because it needs doing, is often a thankless and tiresome task. It becomes the wrong task to undertake, however, when we are doing it motivated by what may be a possible return—a thank you, a favor, a promotion, or even the tag of favorite parent for the moment.
Doing the right thing needs to be an action that is done for its own sake. When we become motivated by the outcome instead of motivated by the need for the action, we are lost to the truth of the situation.
|
Doing the right thing needs to be an action that is done for its own sake. When we become motivated by the outcome instead of motivated by the need for the action, we are lost to the truth of the situation.
We become entangled in our egos, desire for recognition and feedback. We have created our own positive reinforcement loop. True compassion though—true ‘right action’—is a process of sacrifice, a phrase that is often used incorrectly.
We give up our own sense of comfort for a moment, or a day, or a week, or whatever the time span may be, not so that we gain, but so that others may gain from it. Sacrifice is not a process for us but an action designed to benefit others.
This may seem far removed from being hurt by my daughter’s lack of personal attention for me, but it is tied to the same root: desire for my own satisfaction.
This suffering we feel is not always caused by an outside force, but instead self created. We act and expect a certain reaction. This is where we falter. That expectation is the first step in removing selfless love and changing it into selfish motivation.
It’s okay to be hurt. We all experience it. But we need to understand that we aren’t doing things, always, for a set outcome. We simply need to do them because we love others. Because regardless of the outcome to us, we act, we reach out, we move upon a situation with the simple motivation of sacrifice; knowing that when we are done, someone’s need will be met.
Photo—~Silvinka~/Flickr
This was excellent. Tonight at my house, I was told by my six year old daughter, “Dad, you’re just not my kind of guy. I like people like mommy that are fun, and play with me a lot. You’re always working or cleaning up.” I am a single father. Her mother sees her for court ordered supervised visits only. Mom doesn’t work, doesn’t drive, and basically sits alone in our former home…..waiting for me to bring her by and pay the supervisor, for four straight hours of uninterrupted play time. I want to tell my kid that I work for… Read more »