Lying close to my son as he slowly drifts into sleep is the most cost-effective therapy I know. But I know it can’t last.
Most nights, at least lately, after we snuggle and he reads a few pages from a chapter book, I say goodnight and exit his room.
Then he reads a few pages of a comic book (Garfield or Calvin and Hobbs) on his own before flipping off his reading light and heading to snooze-town. But one night recently, we turned off the lights and I stayed a bit longer. He flung his arm around my neck and nuzzled a little closer. “Tonight,” he said, “you’re my stuffy.”
Bonding Time
When he was little we didn’t co-sleep regularly. Though occasionally we both needed a few extra cuddles or circumstances simply made the arrangement not just convenient but necessary. For example, soon after I separated from his dad, we went on a family trip to Disneyworld complete with a Disney Cruise. Jackson was a few months shy of five years old. We snuggled up in the big double bed in our stateroom each evening. I loved those nights.
However, I didn’t want to make bed sharing a habit because I didn’t want his sleep to be dependent on his proximity to me. And yet I valued the bonding. I loved watching the rise and fall of his warm chest and the way his eyelids fluttered in sleep. Or how he’d scoot his little self as close to me as possible, as if we still shared the same skin.
I recall sleeping in my parent’s bed as a child. On those nights when I had a bad dream, I’d knock on my parent’s door and they’d always let me in. My mom would curl her body around me. I remember the soft nylon of her nightgown and how she’d sleepily say, “I love you. Go to sleep now.” I’ve never felt as safe as I did falling asleep next to the person who I knew loved me most in the world.
So I think of that now with my son. The upwelling of motherly love I feel as I sense his body relaxing into sleep is evanescent. But it’s different for him. For him, I’m the most, the best, the sun, and the stars. I’m his everything. To the rest of the world I’m one of the many. To my child I am the one.
In the long hours of the day though, mom is easily forgotten. Friends, school, stepdad, dad, dog, video games, piano lessons, secret hankerings for a McDonalds Happy Meal, books, Legos, bad jokes, weird dance moves . . . these things fill his mind. But in the quiet, mom is queen.
The Time is Short
Nowadays, camping out in mom’s bed is a rarity, a treat. He’s getting older. The wingspan of his once-little arms makes it so I barricade him on one side of the king-sized bed to avoid a punch in the face. I know the time is short when he’ll even want to be close to me. I’m not entirely ready to let it go.
Less rare, but still infrequent are the nights, when we lie forehead to forehead after the bookmark has been set and the lights turned out. I know he’s willing himself to sleep before I leave the room–I know because he’s told me so. I stay until his breath deepens, then wait a moment or two more. Sneaking out, the door closing behind me, I know one more day in his childhood has ended.
Soon, the crowds will clamor. Friends will dominate his world. The secrets of boyhood are multiplying even now. But we still have this. I’m still the queen in the quiet.
These moments, poignant and powerful in part because they have an expiration date, will end. But the memories live on–perhaps even in the very cells of our skin.
Your turn: What are your memories of bonding with your parents or your children?
—
The Good Men Project is different from most media companies. We are a “participatory media company”—which means we don’t just have content you read and share and comment on but it means we have multiple ways you can actively be a part of the conversation. As you become a deeper part of the conversation—The Conversation No One Else is Having—you will learn all of the ways we support our Writers’ Community—community FB groups, weekly conference calls, classes in writing, editing platform building and How to Create Social Change.
◊♦◊
Here are more ways to become a part of The Good Men Project community:
Request to join our private Facebook Group for Writers—it’s like our virtual newsroom where you connect with editors and other writers about issues and ideas.
Click here to become a Premium Member of The Good Men Project Community. Have access to these benefits:
- Get access to an exclusive “Members Only” Group on Facebook
- Join our Social Interest Groups—weekly calls about topics of interest in today’s world
- View the website with no ads
- Get free access to classes, workshops, and exclusive events
- Be invited to an exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” with other Premium Members
- Commenting badge.
Are you stuck on what to write? Sign up for our Writing Prompts emails, you’ll get ideas directly from our editors every Monday and Thursday. If you already have a final draft, then click below to send your post through our submission system.
If you are already working with an editor at GMP, please be sure to name that person. If you are not currently working with a GMP editor, one will be assigned to you.
◊♦◊
Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:
◊♦◊
Have you contributed before and have a Submittable account? Use our Quick Submit link here:
◊♦◊
Do you have previously published work that you would like to syndicate on The Good Men Project? Click here:
Join our exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” — where community members are encouraged to discuss the issues of the week, get story ideas, meet other members and get known for their ideas? To get the call-in information, either join as a member or wait until you get a post published with us. Here are some examples of what we talk about on the calls.
Want to learn practical skills about how to be a better Writer, Editor or Platform Builder? Want to be a Rising Star in Media? Want to learn how to Create Social Change? We have classes in all of those areas.
While you’re at it, get connected with our social media:
- To join our Facebook Page, go here.
- To sign up for our email newsletter, go here.
- To follow The Good Men Project on Twitter, go here.
◊♦◊
However, you engage with The Good Men Project—you can help lead this conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Join us!
◊♦◊
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
The Good Men Project is an Amazon.com affiliate. If you shop via THIS LINK, we will get a small commission and you will be supporting our Mission while still getting the quality products you would have purchased, anyway! Thank you for your continued support!
—
Originally published on You are Awesome
—
Photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash