Want Some Quick Relationship Fixes? Eliminate Unrealistic Expectations

From expecting that you will be so in sync with your partner that you won’t have disagreements or that there will be no need for words, to expecting that things will always remain a certain way, one can have many unrealistic expectations that can end up wrecking the relationship.

Those inflated ideas give false hopes to partners and when as expected those hopes fail to materialize, partners tend to develop negative feelings towards each other. Hence the urgency to recognize and deal with unrealistic expectations in your relationship before they cause irreparable damage.

Some signs you have unrealistic expectations about your relationship:

you expect your partner to always act or respond the ways you want them to;
you think your partner should always know and understand your true feelings and needs. When this doesn’t always happen you start to feel disappointed, angry, and resentful;
sure, you may make room for some debate but you expect your partner to always agree with you in the end;
you expect to spend all your (free) time together; or
you expect your partner to never change.

However, in reality, only you know for sure what your real thoughts and feelings are. Even if you have been together awhile it’s still not realistic to expect your partner to always know.

Even in “perfect” relationships, partners will always have differing points of view on some things because people are unique and their perspectives are always influenced by their own life experiences. As partners grow and mature their relationship needs may also change.

Therefore, it’s more realistic to expect that there will always things you will always see differently.

These differences may lead to some friction which, is normal in every relationship, but rather than treat the conflicts as an ominous sign, treat them as opportunities to trash out issues in a way that fosters greater understanding.

What to do?

Shifting your perspective will give you a more objective view of your expectations and you can achieve this by putting yourself in their shoes once in a while.
Since partners and indeed relationships will experience certain changes and go through different phases, you need to be flexible to be able to adapt which, may mean reasonably lowering some of your expectations. Adaptability ensures your relationship makes it through those changes to remain healthy, vibrant and fulfilling.
A little radical transparency will also be a big help. This involves communicating in a consistent, open, and honest communication that would eliminate any guesswork.
Accept that while it is a reasonable expectation for partners to make time for each other it doesn’t mean they can’t spend time apart. Spending time apart is not only normal and healthy but it reduces friction, relieves stress, and can even help bring back some excitement into the relationship.
Start trading your expectations for appreciations. So instead of focusing on unmet (unrealistic)expectations, you should appreciate the 101 other little things your partner is getting right.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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