To Garon and Jamie, equality is important, and they’re gonna make sure their little dude knows that.
[from October 2013] A couple days ago I was in a room where a heated throwback political discussion was well underway. The conversation was centering on the LAST US election. One guy, who for the purposes of this story – is straight, asserted that he would have preferred to have Sarah Palin on a winning ticket over Obama or Hillary any day. He went on to say that Palin was completely electable and inferred that she was a “real woman”. The conversation turned downhill when he made the statement, “how many men in America really consider Hillary to be a woman anyway?” He was alluding to the fact that she didn’t seemingly have the sex appeal of Palin, and in his opinion- Hillary wasn’t worthy of being ‘a real woman’. (Btw, this dude is in his late 20’s-early 30’s). I refused to engage this conversation, or frankly, this small minded thinking. But it made me think…
Matteo will learn the importance of treating women with respect because we will impress upon him the significance of treating EVERYONE with respect. To me, that’s what it means, to be a man.
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There in that room is a young straight man, raised by a a mother and father, and who in his adult life, sleeps with and assumedly falls in love with— women and yet- he’s reduced the idea of a ‘worthy’ or ‘respectable’ woman- down only to her physical attractiveness. And this is not the first or even— 10th time, I’ve come across this kind of situation. Once in another social situation where I was the only gay guy, a conversation came up about how in life, there are “sluts” and then there are “wives”. Let me tell you, the 8 straight men at that table heard an earful from me. Can’t the woman you marry be a confident woman with a rich and diversified sexual past? Why is that so hard for you to stomach?
More often than not, I find that GAY men are FAR more embracing of female empowerment and equality than straight men. WHY IS THAT? We don’t sleep with or fall in love with women and yet we are in many cases, their biggest advocates. Wouldn’t you think it would be the other way around?
Our son is going to grow up watching a relationship between two men, and I am acutely aware that how we behave in our marriage, in terms of the day to day with each other, is going to affect him in his future relationships. I once worried that we would have to take extra steps to demonstrate to him the importance of treating women with full respect because his parental model won’t include women. But I realized- as Gay Men we do a great job of understanding why equality is important. Matteo will learn the importance of treating women with respect because we will impress upon him the significance of treating EVERYONE with respect. To me, that’s what it means, to be a man.
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Author’s note: This guy was one example. I know plenty of straight men who share my views on treating women with full respect and equality and they do so wonderfully.
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Originally published at GayDadSwag.com and is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
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Also about the The Dads and their Little Dude:
The Funniest Things Strangers Said to Us After We Adopted Our Dude
Sorry Little Dude, But Your Dads Are Still Confused
Follow them on Twitter at @gaydadswag